The Baby Organization XIII
by ForbiddenKHfan216
Summary: After number XIV reads a spell out loud, the members of Organization XIII turn younger! With even the Keyblade Master as a baby, and the older members as teenagers, will someone manage to turn them back? Or are they stuck as babies forever!
1. Xion's Transformation of OrgXIII

**This WAS going to be an Arc for my series Day at The Castle, but I decided to make it its own fic!**

**Disclaimers: No matter how much I write these, I will only be a fan, and thus Kingdom Hearts is not mine.**

** x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xx x x x x x x x xx x x x x xx x x x x x xx x**

It all started out soo innocently.

And it was always the quiet ones.

"Hey Zexion? Can I read this?" Xion asks as she picks up a book from a table in the library.

"Sure." He keeps on reading his own book, not even looking up.

"Thanks!" Xion walks away with the Ultimate Guide of Transforming Magic and starts to read it in her room.

"Hmmm…." Xion was transfixed on her new book for hours, finding the whole thing amazingly fascinating.

"Xion! Dinner time!" Axel says and Xion groans. She marks her spot in her book, and goes to dinner.

"Xion? … Just what book did you get?" Zexion asks as he starts serving the lasagna.

"The Ultimate Guide to Transforming Magic!" Xion says proudly.

"WHAT?! YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT BACK TO ME RIGHT AWAY!!!" Zexion screams and drops his plate.

"Huh? Why?" Xion asks.

"BECAUSE! You're going to do something stupid and read one of the spells out loud! If you do that, then everyone in the Castle will fall under the same spell!" Zexion explains.

"…." Xion smiles evilly.

"… X-X-Xion?"

"WELL, THEN! I GOT THE POWER!!" Xion screams and runs for her room.

"XION NOO!" Zexion runs after her. Xion skids into her room and grabs the book.

" 'When I finish this spell, may its gift be granted! Infans mutatio!' " Xion reads out loud.

"XION NO!" Zexion runs into her room, but too late.

"HUH?!" A wave of light and the entire Castle falls under the spell.

Gummy Ship Area

"Thanks Erika, for helping me for the slumber party stuff." Namine says as she walks off her Chain Gummy Ship, carrying an armful of chips, dip, candy and sodas.

"No problem! Happy to help! By the way, what movie are we gonna watch with Kairi and Xion?" Erika asks, carrying a bag full of candy.

"… Hmm.. The guys brought some horror ones, we might watch those." Namine says with a smile. After pleading with Xemnas, Roxas and Namine had been able to invite Erika, Riku, Sora and Kairi to sleep at the Castle for a whole week while the Minami house was being painted.

"Hey… Do I… Hear a baby?" Erika asks.

"Huh?" They both listen carefully. A baby's wail.

"…. OH MY GOSH! I love babies!" Erika squeals and they follow the noise. It was coming from Roxas's room.

"…You think Roxas-?" Erika says nervously.

"… I don't know! I'm going in!" Namine says and slams open the door. She hears whimpering coming from the bed. Roxas's Organization coat was on the bed, along with his shoes and pants. And the jacket was moving.

"…Hello? Rox Rox?" Erika calls out and Namine walks over to the bed. She pulls the Organization coat off of the bed.

"A BABY!!!" They squeal in unison. A tiny blonde baby wails, and as soon as he notices Namine, his sparkling blue eyes immediately cheer up.

"N-N-Nami!" He whimpers, and holds his arms up to the teenage girl.

"Roxas?" Namine whispers. At the sound of his name, Roxas smiles.

"Nami, Nami!" Roxas waves his hand at her and begs to be picked up. Namine picks up the little boy and he immediately starts sucking his thumb.

"Awwww…. He's so cute! Can I hug him next?" Erika pleads.

"… What happened to him?" Namine asks as the little baby starts to fall asleep.

"… Wait… He's a BABY. I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF A BABY!! I'm too little!" Erika says, with a nervous glance at the bundle of Roxas's shirt in Namine's arms.

"… Wait… What about everyone else?" Namine asks.

"Ugh… I feel sick…" An older boy's voice moans.

"… SHH! Quiet!" Erika hisses and Namine holds unto Baby Roxas tightly.

"Namine? You there girl?" The boy says and he walks into Roxas's room. A boy with long black hair, put into a pony tail, and wearing a black eye patch.

"OH MY GOD!! PERV!!" Erika smacks him with a soda can.

"OW! WHAT THE HELL'S YOUR PROBLEM?!" The guy growls.

"…..Who are you?" Namine asks, scared for little Roxas.

"…. You don't remember me? As if, Nami. It's me. Xigbar." the boy says and shakes his head.

"XIGBAR?!"

"Uh… yeah. Listen, I didn't have ANY liquor but I have a poundin' head ache….. Man!" Xigbar swear violently under his breath.

"Xig-Xigbar, you're a teenager." Namine says.

"Huh? No way." Xigbar looks in Roxas's mirror. His face turns pale and he trips over his too-long pants.

"Told ya!" Erika says. Then Roxas wakes up.

"WAAAAAAAAAAH!!" He wails and bursts into tears.

"Oh! Shh, shhh! It's okay, Roxas." Namine starts trying to calm down the baby.

"HOLY SHIT! ROXAS?!" Xigbar stares in amazement at the tiny infant.

"…Shh! He's calming down." Namine says angrily.

"… Kay.. Hey, Roxas. Since you're a baby, I'm sure you won't mind lending me some stuff…. No, of course not." Xigbar laughs and opens Roxas's closet in search of clothes, shoes, and possibly some better fitting pants.

"Perv." Erika shakes her head.

"He's not gonna wear it!" Xigbar says and pulls off his jacket.

"GROSS! DON'T CHANGE IN FRONT OF US!!!" Erika and Namine yell at the same time and force Xigbar into Roxas's bathroom.

"Geez…. Buncha girls…" Xigbar changes into a black T-shirt and black jeans and steps back outside.

"….." Both girls stare in amazement.

"How do I look? Stylin', I know." Xigbar says with a grin.

"…. Hey! If Xigbar and Roxas got younger, then…." All three freeze.

"What happened to Axel and the others?!" They all run to the Game Room that Never Was. When they left, Axel and Demyx were in a Guitar Hero tournament.

"AXEL!" They hear a little kid crying.

"M-M-Mommy!!!" they hear the kid wail.

"AXEL!" They all run into the room. A little boy with red hair and green eyes is crying while a little toddler is whimpering.

"NAMI!!!!" Axel wails and runs to Namine.

"Axel, it's okay.. It's okay, no more tears kay?" Namine soothes the little pyro. Axel whimpers one more time and hugs Namine tightly.

"Dem-Demwx is wittle and- and I can't find my mommy and -" Axel bursts into tears again. Namine hands Roxas to Xigbar and picks up Axel and starts humming to him. She sits on the couch and starts petting his head soothingly.

"What about… OH MY GOSH! SO CUTE!!!" Erika picks up Demyx who's whimpering and looks like he's about to burst into tears.

"What the devil happened?!" A cold voice asks angrily. They all turn around.

"YIKES! A TEENAGE VEXEN!" Xigbar yelps. Vexen, now about 16 or 17, glares at him.

"I want an explanation! What happened?" He asks Namine.

"… You don't know?" Erika asks.

"… OF COURSE I DON'T KNOW! After all, I never did this!" Vexen looks at the whimpering toddler Demyx and rolls his eyes.

"Give him to me!" Vexen snatches him from Erika's arms. He sits down on the couch, next to Namine.

"HEY!"

" 'Hush little baby, don't say a word,

Vexen's going to buy you a mocking bird.' " Vexen sings in a surprisingly nice and clear voice.

"Dude." Xigbar says in shock, his eye wide.

"If that mockin'bird don't singNami's gonna buy you a diamond ring." Namine starts to sing along.

"And surprisingly, both of you can sing!" Erika comments.

"If that diamond ring turns to brass,Vexen's going to buy you a looking glass.' " Vexen continues. Both babies start to calm down, and even Axel was transfixed by the duet.

"If that looking glass gets brokeNami's gonna buy you a billy goat!" Namine sings.

".. Wha's a billy goat?" Axel asks Xigbar.

"… How am I supposed to know? Guess like a boy goat." Xigbar explains.

"Oh…." Axel smiles and snuggles closer to Namine.

"If that billy goat don't pull,Nami's gonna buy you a cart and mule." Namine continues.

"If that cart and mule turn overVexen's going to buy you a dog named Rover." Vexen sings the next line.

"If that dog named Rover won't barkNami's gonna buy you a horse and cart.

If that Horse and Cart fall down,Then you'll be the sweetest little baby in town!" She kisses the top of Roxas's head and gives Axel a hug. Both babies are asleep and Axel himself was nodding off.

"Cute…" Erika gives Demyx a pat on the head.

"…. Namine." A deep voice says and they glance over to the door way.

"LEXAEUS?!" A tall boy, almost 7 feet tall, nods his head. In his arms, are two infants.

"A ZEXY BABY!!!" Erika whispers with obvious joy in her face.

"Wow, Lexaeus. You look pretty good!" Xigbar comments. Lexaeus smiles.

"Wow wow wow! Can I have a piggy back wide?" Axel asks, staring at Lexaeus. Lexaeus nods. Axel toddles over to the tall boy and gets picked and placed on Lexaeus's shoulders.

"… What happened, Five?" Vexen asks, standing up and carefully holding the sleeping Demyx.

"… A spell." Lexaeus says.

"Like in the faiwy books?" Axel asks. Lexaeus nods.

"COOL!" Axel immediately grins.

"Namine?" A quiet voice asks nervously from the door way. Namine looks and a little boy with blue hair and golden eyes looks about to burst into tears.

"Saïx?" Namine asks. The little boy bursts into tears and runs to her.

"Kay… We got Axel and Saïx as little kids, Demyx, Zexion, Xion and Roxas are babies, and Vexen, Lexy and me are teenagers. …. Anyone else hungry?" Xigbar says, as if wrapping everything up.

"WE HAVE TO FIND EVERYONE!" Erika and Namine say in unison.

"I agree with the girls. We must find everyone and restore them to their proper ages! After all, how in hell am I supposed to do research as a teenager?!" Vexen snaps.

".. We must protect the younger members. There might not be a way out of this spell, Vexen senpai." Lexaeus says and Axel looks confused.

"Hiya Saïx!" He calls out and waves from Lexaeus's shoulders. Saïx looks happily toward Axel.

"Me too! Me too!" He calls out and looks at Lexaeus begging. Lexaeus stares at the little boy but gives the babies to Erika and Vexen and puts Saïx on his shoulder.

"WHEEE!!!" Both look happy.

"Kay…." Xigbar sighs and starts rocking the little Zexion in his arms.

"Mamma?" Xion asks with an adorable expression on her face.

"No, I'm Nami." Namine says with a smile.

"MAMMA!" Xion says again, a stubborn look on her tiny face.

"… HEY! SAIX DOESN'T HAVE A SCAR!!" Xigbar shouts.

"Huh?" Saix tilts his head, confused.

"You're RIGHT!!!" Sure enough, the famous 'X' scar on Saïx's forehead was gone!

"…. What is going on!" An angry voice demands. They turn.

"XEMNAS?!" Xemnas glares at Xigbar.

"NO! I'm Kairi! OF COURSE IT'S ME!" Xemnas says sarcastically and rolls his eyes.

"…. KAIRI! AND SORA!!" Namine realizes.

"… Sowa? Kaiwi?" Axel looks confused. Saïx shrugs.

"Kay… How old does he look to you?" Xigbar asks Vexen.

"I would estimate about 18." Vexen says. Demyx stirs in his arms.

"SHH! They're waking up!" Namine whispers.

"Oh, okay. Shh…" Xigbar shushes them.

"The living room. We have couches and stuff so, we can put them down." Xemnas says and picks up the awake Xion baby. She whimpers.

"Shh. Roxy's asleep." Axel tells the baby and puts his finger to his lips. Xion giggles and imitates him.

"MARLUXIA!" Lexaeus runs outside and comes back with a sleeping pink haired baby.

"… Guess it IS natural." Xigbar says and pats the pink haired infant's head. Soon, they had rounded up most of the younger members.

"Interesting; Roxas, Xion, Sora, and Kairi are all about a year old." Vexen says, examining the babies.

"…Really? THEN BIG BROTHER IS FINALLY SHORTER THAN ME!! HA! In your adorable, baby face Riri!" Erika says to her now younger brother. He stares at her for a moment before sticking his thumb in his mouth.

"… Riku's a thumb sucker. Shoulda figured." Xigbar says. Riku glares at him. Then they hear a wail coming from the kitchen.

" I FOUND HARU!!!" Erika squeals and holds up a silver haired baby.

"… Guys? I can't tell them apart." Xigbar says and glares at the two sliver haired babies.

"… Gah!" One grabs his hair and smiles.

"OW! OW! OW! LEMME GO!!! NAMINE! HELP!!!" Xigbar yelps and Namine untangles the baby from Xigbar's pony tail.

"No pull." She says very seriously, and the baby gurgles.

"What are we going to do?" Xaldin, now a teenager, snarls.

"… We must take care of them until they return to normal." Xemnas sighs.

"… Oh joy." Everyone sighs.


	2. Ages, and Babysitters Come to help

**KAY!!**

**I'm feeling much better, so here's some comedy!!**

**Or at least attempted. **

**Note: Kingdom Hearts, FurryFur, Erika, and myself don't belong to me.**

**... Well, I DO belong to me, but we share partial credit on ALL appearances.**

**lol, made sense to any one?**

**Xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xxx xX**

"Namine! You've taken classes on children!" Xemnas immediately says.

"… That was just for me to be able to baby sit, Superior." Namine blushes.

"YOU KNOW MORE THAN US!" Everyone chimes in. Roxas wakes up.

"Nami! Nami!" He coos and waves at her. Namine smiles and picks up the baby. She starts humming to him. He smiles.

"Awww…." Erika pats his head.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID XION DO!?" They turn around. Xaldin, now about 15 or 16, is standing in the door way, holding two blonde babies.

"OHHH! We forgot Larxene and Luxord!" Erika and Namine say in unison. Namine hands Roxas to Xemnas and gets Luxord.

"OW OW OW OW OW OW!!!!" Xaldin howls as Baby Larxene yanks one of his dreads.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU DESERVE THAT!!!" Xigbar laughs and Roxas giggles as Xemnas tickles his chin to make him laugh.

"… That is not funny!" Xaldin snaps. Lil Axel and Mini Saix stare at him.

"……Scccaarry!!! NAAAAMI!!!!" Axel and Saix run behind Namine and hide.

"…..Pfft HAHAHAHAHAAH!" Xigbar cracks up again.

"Stop scaring the children, Xaldin." Vexen says coldly.

"Lol, usually VEXEN'S the one-" Erika stops as Vexen flashes her a glare.

"..I'll be quiet now." Erika laughs nervously.

"I'm going to call someone. You watch them, guys." Namine leaves and goes to the phone.

"….We gotta feed them something." Xigbar points out.

"… What do infants eat?" Vexen asks, looking at Zexion with suspicious.

"…ICE CREAM!!! Can we have ice cweam? Pwease Ewika?" Axel begs.

"… Awww…. Sure thin-" Erika starts.

"ABSOLUTELY NOT." Xemnas says angrily.

"…. WHY?!" Saix and Axel chime in unison.

"You need to eat a nutritious meal to get big." Vexen puts in. Saix and Axel glance at each other.

".. Soo, is butrious mean it's good for me?" Axel asks.

"…NUTRITIOUS." Vexen corrects.

"…. Yeah, that." Axel waits for his answer.

"Yes." Xemnas and Vexen say in unison.

"THEN we'll have ice cream!" Axel cheers.

"…For DESSERT buddy." Xigbar says.

"… Uh? Desert?" Saix asks.

"… But the desert's weally hot and-"

"DESSERT, not DESERT." Xaldin says.

"Ohhh…. So for desert?" they ask.

"Yes, for dessert." Xemnas gives in.

"YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!" Axel and Saix cheer.

"…My god, Saix is a cheerful little bugger." Xigbar says, shaking his head.

"FUCK YEAH!" Axel cheers again.

"….WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT?!" Xemnas asks angrily.

"….." Axel points to Xaldin.

"THREE! NO MORE SWEARING AROUND THE CHILDREN!!!" Xemnas commands.

"Or what?" Xaldin challenges.

"I'm older than you; I'll beat the shit out of you." Xemnas threatens. He's about 6 inches taller than Xaldin, but still no where near how tall Lexaeus was.

"You swore." Saix gasps.

"Superior, I've learned some impressive data!" Vexen says and examines the group.

"..What?"

"9,11, 10, 6, Riku and 12 are all roughly two years old. 13, 14, Sora, Haru, and Kairi are all one!" He says, excited about the research.

"Sooo?" Xigbar asks.

"Axel and Saix are now 5 years old. I myself, and Xaldin are 16. Xigbar, you are 17."

"Sweet. Do I get a car?" Xigbar jokes.

"Not on your life." Xemnas says.

"Superior, I estimate you are about 18. Lexaeus, I believe you are 15." Vexen finishes.

"...Namine's age?" Xemnas asks.

"Yes. We all lost a certain amount of years due to our original ages, and even our ranks. So.. The older members are teenagers, Seven and Eight are five, and the neophytes are infants." Vexen concludes happily.

"And that helps us how?" Xaldin asks.

"...It doesn't. But isn't this fascinating?" Xaldin rushes for Vexen and the rest of the older Organization tries to hold him back.

"Okay! I've called in a few favors and I got some people willing to baby sit!" Namine says triumphantly.

"….Baby sit?" Xemnas, Vexen, and Xaldin say in unison.

"Who the fuck is stupid enough-" A gummy ship crashes through the roof.

"Whazzup Nami! We're here!" A girl says and jumps out the ship.

"…Oh my god… Never let her drive again…." FurryFur moans, his face turning gray.

"THAT RULED!" Forbidden chants.

"YOU BROUGHT _THEM_?!?!?" Xemnas screams.

"It was them, or Heartless Ansem." Namine points out.

"…..How much per hour?" Xemnas asks.

"….. 5000 munny an hour!" Forbidden says. (50 U.S Dollars)

"…..Grrr…." Xemnas growls under his breath.

"AND we take a starting fee of 10000 munny! We're not crazy you know." FurryFur points out. (100 U.S. Dollars)

"…." Xemnas pays them.

"ALRIGHTY THEN! You guys head to the store for baby stuff, we'll take care of these little guys!" Forbidden says and picks up Baby Roxas.

"…I'm taking this one with me." Namine says and takes him from Forbidden's arms.

"…Harsh." Xigbar comments.

"I will stay." Lexaeus says.

"…Good man." Xemnas says and they all head for the store.

"TAAAKE US WITH YOU!!" Axel and Saix plead.

"Too late short stuff!" Xigbar chuckles and they vanish.

"….We're screwed, aren't we?" Forbidden says to FurryFur. FurryFur nods.

"Yup."

X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xx X

And why are we screwed?

Because... We're alone with SIX or so babies, one REALLY tall dude, and TWO five year olds!


	3. Pokemon, Plushies and Nosebleeds oh my!

**Lol, next chapter's the shopping experience of Namine and the higher ups!!!**

**Disclaimers: my fic, not my characters.**

**And Erika, FurryFur and others DO NOT belong to me!!!**

**And this is dedicated to TMMFan, who's going to New York.**

**We miss you (by we I mean, me)!**

**X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

Castle That Never Was

"ALRIGHTY THEN! First, round up all the-" Forbidden is interrupted by Xemnas bringing back Roxas.

"She needs to learn to let him go." He says and hands the whimpering infant to FurryFur. He vanishes into a portal.

"Uhh… Catch!" He gives him to Forbidden.

"You whiz on me, I'll hit you upside the head. And give you brain damage." she warns. Roxas's eyes widen and he nods.

"..That's what I thought." Forbidden plunks Roxas down on the floor gently.

"…How are we supposed to entertain like 10 babies?" FurryFur asks.

"We do what ALL good babysitters do! We use the Internet!" Forbidden says and whips out a laptop. She goes on a child caring site.

"….. Uhh…. Umm……. Hmmmm…."

"WILL YOU TELL ME ALREADY?!" FurryFur shouts.

"GEEZ! I am, hang on! I gotta run home for a sec!" Forbidden stands up and runs for the Gummy Ship.

"W-WAIT!" She takes off. FurryFur glances around nervously at the babies and small children staring at him.

"Biddy go bye bye!" Roxas waves at the ceiling. Xion giggles and mimics him.

"…You got that right." FurryFur says and rounds up the couches into a makeshift play pen for the younger babies.

"Kay… I'm gonna go make Axel and Saix a snack, Lexaeus, you're in-" Lexaeus is snoring quietly in an armchair by the window.

"OH FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!!!" FurryFur cries. Sora starts to whimper.

"Larxy 'ungry!" Larxene says and holds her tummy.

"WHAT THE HELL DO BABIES EAT?!" Furry screams.

"I AM BAAAAAAAACK!!!" Forbidden's holding a box while FurryFur's trying not to have a panic attack.

"…..Uhh… I had things TOTALLY under control." He says with a sheepish grin.

"..Riiiight. HERE! I brought some of my old toys and junk for them to play with!" Forbidden says and pulls out a bunch of stuffed animals. The kiddies start picking toys.

"Pwushie!" Demyx grabs a stuffed sheep.

"Kitty!" Xion grabs a stuffed cat.

"..HEY! YOU CAN'T HAVE KYO!!!" Forbidden says.

"Mousey?" Luxord grabs it and cuddles with it.

"Yuki kun…. I will avenge you." Forbidden vows.

"….. NOOOO!!! YOKO!" Larxene picks up a stuffed panda and she hugs it. The two sitters look on in surprise.

"….MINE!" Marluxia grabs a bunny and cuddles with it.

"THAT one don't surprise me." They both laugh.

"KAY guys! We're gonna watch TV now!" Forbidden grabs the television and moves it the couch play pen.

"…TV? That's it?" FurryFur asks.

"…Yeah? It's Pokemon, they'll like it." Forbidden pops in the tape and the kids start watching.

"..Nobody likes Pokemon anymore!" FurryFur argues.

"THIS IS THE FIRST SEASON!!! So, they'll like it!"

"…… I choose you! Pikachu!" A voice says from the screen.

"…Pika pika!" Xion chants and starts giggling.

"Awwww…. Cute!" Saix says when he sees the yellow mouse.

"…….." Roxas's eyes widen and he glances over to Larxene.

"Huh?" Roxas crawls over to her and stares.

"…What's he doing?"

"PIKACHU!!!" Roxas squeals and tackles Larxene.

"OH MY GOD!!! THE CUTENESS!!" Forbidden falls over with a nose bleed.

"PIKACHU!!!" Roxas yells again and tugs at Larxene's tufts of hair.

"GGRRRRRR!!!" Larxene screams and Roxas gets sent flying with a shock of electricity.

"Dude! AGAIN!" FurryFur laughs.

"…" Lexaeus wakes up and manages to catch the flying Roxas in mid air.

"NICE CATCH!" Both kids give him a thumbs up. Axel and Saix clap.

"Holy crap, they have powers." They realize and Lexaeus looks nervously at the babies.

"We're surrounded." Forbidden hisses to Lexaeus and FurryFur.

"…They're babies; what can babies do?" FurryFur says confidently.

"….ATTACK!!!!!" Axel shouts and all three of the babysitters run for it.

"FINAL FUCKIN' LAST WORDS!!!!!" Forbidden screams as she dodges a tiny chakram.

**X x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xx x x xx x x x x x x x x x x xx x x x xx x x x x X**

**Nice job! not too funny, but we got a chase scene!**

**BTW, the nose bleed thing is from Karin.**

**The chick who has vampiric nose bleeds??**

**I'm using it as 'Cuteness overload.'**


	4. The Super Market

**Lol, I'm doing pretty good on this schedule!**

**Disclaimers: Nothing belongs to me, excpet the idea and the Forbidden character.**

**note: The song is Bicycle by Queen. **

**this is because this song made me discover Fanfiction!**

**So blame the song! XD**

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Supermarket

"Superior! Roxas needs me!" Namine says as soon as Xemnas comes back.

"You're only saying that because he's what you imagine YOUR child to look like!" Xemnas retorts.

"…." Namine blushes.

"Hmm.. I could make you a Replica if you'd like, Miss Namine." Vexen offers.

"NO WAY! One Keybearer's enough!" Xaldin says angrily.

"…There's more than ONE you idiot!" Xigbar smacks Xaldin in the face with a Sharpshooter.

"We must split up to get these items. Namine, you're with me." Xemnas says.

"Sure thing."

"Xaldin, you and Vexen."

"…OH GOD. XIGBAR! SHOOT ME NOW!!"

"With pleasure my friend!" Xigbar gets the gun ready.

"XIGBAR YOU SHOOT ANYONE I'LL MAKE YOU A NEW HOLE IN YOUR THROAT."

"…..Uhh…. Okie dokie Superior!" Xigbar puts the gun away.

"…MUST I be with HIM?" Vexen points.

"….Yes."

"Very well then." Vexen sighs and shakes his head.

"Kay, what's on the list then?" Xigbar asks.

"Namine and I will go for baby food." Xemnas says.

"….YOU GOT THE CUSHY JOB!" Xaldin and Xigbar say in unison.

"….Vexen, Xaldin: diapers."

"… I HATE YOU SO MUCH." Xaldin snarls.

"I believe that's the hormones kicking in. I'll gladly get the ….items." Vexen says.

"…Xigbar, go pick up Roxas's prescription acne medicine."

"…uhh… he's a BABY Superior."

"… I have a feeling we'll need it." Then Xemnas's cell phone goes off.

_Bicycle bicycle bicycle_

_I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle_

_I want to ride my bicycle_

_I want to ride my bike_

_I want to ride my bicycle_

_I want to ride it where I like_

_You say black I say white_

_You say bark I say bite_

_You say shark I say hey man_

_ Jaws was never my scene_

_And I don't like Star Wars_

"…Pfft… Then what's with the light sabers then Superior?!" Xigbar laughs.

"SHUT UP. It's a good song." Xemnas answers the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hiya Superior!" Axel says into the phone.

"….Axel? How did you get this number?"

"…It's 1-234-567-8910-1112-13!" Axel chants.

"….Forbidden."

"Noooooo….. HEY! Can you get us some candy? And soda?" Axel asks.

"Lemme use the phone!" Saix's voice says in the background.

"NO! It's mine, and I'm calling Elmo next!" Axel snaps at him.

"NO LONG DISTANCE." Xemnas commands.

"..awww….." Axel groans.

"Where is Lexaeus? And the babysitters?" Xemnas asks suspiciously.

"OH! We're playing Hostages!" Axel says happily.

"Hostages?"

"Uh huh, we tied them up!" Axel says happily.

"SUUUUUUUPERIOR!!!!" Forbidden yells in the background.

"SHHH! I'm making a call Biddy! Larxy, shocky shocky!" Axel commands.

"Ohtay!" A loud sound of electricity.

"YIPE!" Forbidden yelps and Lexaeus starts laughing.

"They're working together fantastically!" he says.

"Stop admiring them and bust the ropes you idiot!" FurryFur says and there's a thudding noise as something falls over.

"…Oopsie, that was the piano… Gotta go!" Axel hangs up.

"WAIT AXEL!" Dial tone.

"….Pffft… Looks like they got their hands full." Xigbar cracks up.

"….Xaldin, go check on them." Xemnas commands. Xaldin smiles evilly.

"My pleasure." He vanishes into a Corridor Of Darkness.

"Riiiight, send the crazy sadist to check on a houseful of babies, great parenting tip Xem Xem." Xigbar chuckles.

"CALL ME XEM XEM AGAIN, AND I'LL STRANGLE YOU."

"…Xemmy then!" Xigbar gets sent flying through the store window.

"…Shall we?" Xemnas asks innocently. Everyone nods and they head inside.


	5. Xaldin Comes to Play

**The Baby Organization returns with a new chapter!!!**

**Disclaimers: KH Not mine, idea was mine, peoples are not mine.**

**X x x x x xx x xx x x x x x x x x x x xx xx x x x x x x x x xx x x x x x X**

Castle That Never Was

"HEEEEEELP!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Forbidden cackles in laughter as Saix tickles with her with a feather. She manages to fall off the chair.

"HI BIDDY! You left this at hom-" Luna stares at the babies.

"Hi Hi!" Saix and Axel say in unison.

"AWWWW!!! So cute!" Forbidden's sister runs over and picks up lil Axel.

"Don't trust him!!!! He's EVVVVVIL!!!" Forbidden yells.

"…But look how cute he is! How old are you little guy?" Luna asks.

"I'm this many!" Axel holds up 5 fingers.

"awww…." Luna gives him a hug.

"Sooo…. Sis, what did you want?" Forbidden asks, on the floor still tied up on the chair.

"OH! You left your notebook. Here!" Luna gives it her.

"Mhanks." Forbidden's got it her mouth.

"…You know, you always play the weirdest games Biddy." Luna comments.

"….Riiiiight. 'Playing'." FurryFur says sarcastically.

"Well bye!" Luna vanishes.

"…HEY!! COME BACK AND UNTIE - HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!" Forbidden gets tickled by the feather again.

"….Having fun?" Xaldin asks.

"DUDE! THEY SENT THE PSYCHO?!" FurryFur shouts.

"….You hurt them, I'll kill you." Lexaeus threatens.

"……Hello children. Would you like to play?" Xaldin asks the little kids. Saix drops his giant feather and Axel whimpers. The babies look around confused, and then start to cry.

"Holy crap, he's Jigsaw." Forbidden whispers from the floor. She spat out the notebook.

"……Let's play… 'HURRICANE'!!!" Xaldin shouts and the entire room's engulfed in a swirling cloud of wind.

"OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!!" Forbidden yelps as she keeps hitting furniture.

"OW! MY GROIN!!!" Someone yelps.

"…Ouch….." Forbidden shrieks again as she's slammed into the piano.

"WHHHHEEEEEEEE!!!!" Axel screams in delight.

"YIPEE!!!" Saix howls as he spins on the piano.

"Again! Again!" Larxene giggles as the cyclone stops and everything slams down onto the floor.

"Ooomph!" Forbidden lands roughly on a white couch. FurryFur's on the chandelier. Lexaeus is hanging from one of the beams, his hands untied.

"HEY! LEXY!" Demyx giggles and waves to the big teen.

"….Ungry!!!" Luxord complains and holds his stomach.

"……..Naaaaaaaami!!!!" Roxas wails. Xaldin winces.

"SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BRAT BEFORE I DISMEMBER YOU!!!" Xaldin howls as he roughly grabs Roxas and throws him to the chandelier.

"Hey! Don't throw babies; it's not nice!" Forbidden groans, her face green.

"….." Lexaeus lets go of the beam and lands on his feet with a heavy _**THUD**_. When he steps back, there's a huge crater where he landed.

"…Damn." FurryFur says.

"…Tell you brought entertainment for the…. Children." Xaldin says with an annoyed expression.

"Uhhh…. Yeah! Pokemon! And plushies!" Forbidden says.

"Excellent. Now, I have to get back to the store. Here." Xaldin snaps his fingers and a spiral of wind engulfs FurryFur and gently brings him back to earth. Minus the rope.

"SWEET!"

"..Now. YOU TWO." Xaldin turns to Axel and Saix.

"Hi Hi Xaldin…" They laugh nervously.

"……." He smiles at them.

"Not a good sign! RUN RUN RUNAWAY!!!" Forbidden yells from the fallen piano.

"Huh?" The duo turn to her but Xaldin's faster. He grabs them by the front of their shirts and sends them flying through the ceiling.

"HOLY CRAP!"

"… I really must get back to Superior and the others. Good day." Xaldin vanishes.

"….Dude…… Never trust Xaldin with small children." FurryFur says.

"….How are we gonna get them down?" They can hear the two crying and they see small drops of blood and other bodily fluids dripping down the twin holes.

"….I don't know….. Ladder?" FurryFur goes to find one.

"GOOD IDEA!!! ….. NOW WHO THE FUCK IS GONNA LET ME LOOSE?!?!?!" Forbidden screams, still tied down to the chair.

**X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

**Authoress...STUCK.... in CHAIR!!!!**

***struggles against rope* **

**OH WELL! NOW!**

**Read and Review!**

**I commands it and HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *being tickles by feather again, but now it's Demyx***

**Demyx: ...Weview? *adorable pleading face***


	6. Xemnas and his Ex Wife

**welcome back guys!**

**This is not quite that funny but I'll present it anyways!**

**Disclaimers: KH is not mine.**

**OCs that come out: Ari Nomura and Aimi Nomura**

**these two ARE mine.**

**Xemnas:........ EXCUSE ME?!**

**...kinda.**

**X x x x x x x x x x x x x x xxx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

Super Market

"…So how are they?" Xemnas asks Xaldin.

"….They're fantastic. They were playing with the babysitters wonderfully." Xaldin laughs darkly.

"Oh really? Wonderful." Xemnas says, completely not paying attention. He's looking at the prices for baby food.

"…. Superior? Some of them are old enough to be on solid food." Namine points out.

"Ah. Then I'll only take a few cases." He puts them in the cart and they keep walking.

"….. Come Vexen." Xaldin and Vexen go to look for Xigbar who was hiding somewhere in the store.

"XIIIIGBAR!!" they yell.

"… holy crap, I'm totally gettin' this." Xigbar comments as he starts playing a demo game in the parking lot. He swears and surves the car in the game.

"….." Everyone saw him outside and decided to leave him there.

"…. HOLY CRAP!" Xemnas ducks behind a shelf.

"What is it Superior?" Namine asks and takes a look. A woman is weighing some vegetables and has a cartful of produce.

"THAT'S MY EX WIFE!!" Xemnas hisses and drags Namine behind the shelf.

"..She's pretty." Namine comments.

"NO, she's beautiful! Ravishing." Xemnas blushes.

"…Aww… you still love her!" Namine says.

"…Maybe. I CAN'T LET HER SEE ME LIKE THIS!" Xemnas says and gives Namine the list of baby things.

"S-Superior!" Namine says embarrassed.

"….. NAMINE!!" Ari calls out from behind them.

"YIKES!" Xemnas trips and falls on his ass.

"Hiya Namine!" Ari smiles.

"Hello Ari." Namine smiles back. Xemnas looks at his daughter, now not even three years younger than him.

"Hiya, who's this Nami?" Ari asks.

"He's your-" Xemnas slams his hand on Namine's mouth and smiles at Ari.

"Nice to see you Ari! Good bye!" he says and drags Namine off.

"….Weirdo…" Ari comments and goes to help her mother Aimi with the groceries.

"…… XEMNAS!!! That hurt!" Namine says and rubs her mouth.

"…..I can't let them see me like this!!" Xemnas says.

"Fine, but let's get clothes for the babies okay?" Namine smiles and gives Xemnas a hug to show she forgave him. Xemnas smiles and they go to the baby section of the store, with all the clothes and quickly pick out a selection plus clothes for the 5 year old Axel and Saix. They get in line to pay.

"…XEMNAS!!! You gotta get these!" Xigbar chucks a bag of diapers into the cart.

"Hmm?" Xemnas looks at him annoyed.

"Hey, I'm not lettin' them shit on the floor." Xigbar laughs and keeps playing the PSP he'd stolen from Roxas's room.

"Superior… For the younglings." Vexen says and drops in some candy.

"…We have enough at home." Xemnas scoops it out of the cart and makes Vexen put it back. Xaldin comes in with a baby gate.

"…That is… surprisingly responsible of you Xaldin." Xemnas comments.

"They are NOT getting in my room." Xaldin snarls.

"…Xemnas?" A pleasant voice asks. He turns around. Sure enough, it's Aimi Nomura and Ari. (note: Xemnas's ex wife still hasn't changed her name back)

"……DAD?!" Ari says in shock.

"…..Umm… We can explain everything." Namine quickly tells them.

"…. Holy crap, Dad's adorable!!" Ari hugs him.

"……We're leaving Ari!" Aimi says.

"Huh?"

"… I'm not staying here with him looking so cute! It makes me feel like a pedophile!" Aimi drags Ari off.

"…Dude, you got a shot with her now." Xigbar teases.

"…You're dead Xigbar." Xemnas retorts, watching as his family leaves the store.

"…. TO THE BATMOBILE!!!" Xigbar shouts and runs to the Gummy Ship_._


	7. Forbidden Calls Back Up

**OMG OC MADNESS!!!!!**

**Disclaimers:These ones are mine, and although Kingdom Hearts ISN'T, these girls (and guy) ARE!!!**

**GOT IT?!!**

**Note: these girls (and guy) are the heros and villains of a fic I have yet to write titled......**

**Eternal Memory!**

**So enjoy and lemme get untied!! *STILL struggling from chair***

**PS Furryfur! you got your wish!**

**X x x x x xx x x xx xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

Castle That Never Was

"I GOT THE LADDER!!" FurryFur runs in.

"Oh goodie… Did you forget SOMETHING?!" Forbidden says and jumps the chair which she was STILL tied to.

"……no?"

"I'M STILL TIED TO THE GODDAMN CHAIR!!!" She screams.

"XEM XEM SAID NOT TO SWEAR!" Axel calls out from the roof.

"HEY! Weren't you too injured to move?!" Forbidden yells back.

"….. If we are, do we get ice cweam?" Saix asks.

"…I'm calling back up." Forbidden says and Lexaeus unties her.

"I'm gonna go get them!" FurryFur says and climbs up the ladder.

"Just don't fall off the roo-" Forbidden starts saying.

"OH MY GOD!!!! THERE'S A MOVIE THEATER UP HERE!!!"

"…Gonna ignore that." Forbidden picks up the phone and starts dialing numbers.

"THEY'RE SHOWING JAMES BOND MOVIES!!! FORBIDDEN! COME UP HERE!" FurryFur calls out.

"BAM BAM BAM!!! We'll see you again, Mistew Bond!" Axel's voice trails down and Saix laughs.

"Hello! Eternal Passing, just who do you need?" A girl says cheerfully.

"Uh huh…. Pass me to Reiotta." Forbidden says when someone picks up the phone.

"Why Forbiddy?! I WANNA TALK TO YOU!" The girl screams.

"AHLIA PASS ME TO REIOTTA OR YOU CAN'T COME." Forbidden snarls.

"Oh… Where are you?" Ahlia asks.

"…. .Castle That Never Was. And I'm babysitting. Want a job??" Forbidden says with a grin.

"SUUURE!!! I love kids! …. Who's kids are they??" Ahlia asks.

"Hey Forbidden! She's had it on speakers the whole time!" A different girl says.

"Yo Gaia! You come too! We need some wisdom around here…." Forbidden says.

"What bout me? Just who's kids are they, Bid?" A third voice asks.

"……The Organization."

"SAY WHAT?!" Six different voices yell.

"OW! OW! MY BLEEDIN' EARS! NOT THE KIDS OF THE ORGANIZATION! THEM!" forbidden yells.

"….Heh… Axel owes me anyways." A dark voice snickers.

"Oh crap, Feralis is on her way! We'll be there in a sec, Biddy!" Ahlia says and hangs up.

"YEAH! The Drives are coming…." Forbidden laughs.

"YO! I'm here and I brought the mini me's." A teenage girl with long dark hair and gleaming reddish gold eyes says and steps out of a portal. Feralis Black Heart, one of the Anti Forms.

"Hey." A younger boy about 8 years old with the same solemn features greets Forbidden. His longer hair spikes up similar to Sora's however a darker black. His golden eyes gleam as he observes the children sleeping in the crook of Forbidden's arm and the ones on the couch, playing Pokemon.

"interesting…. The Infans mutatio spell." Adrian Black Heart says and he grins.

"….. Can I play with the little Sora?" A younger girl who looked about 6 years old asks.

"Uhhh… Baby Sora can't play…. Monster Hunter." Forbidden says.

"No big… Who's on the roof? I can sense darkness up there." Feralis says. Her golden eyes dilating from the presence of darkness.

"Saix. And Axel. "

"And FurryFur!" FurryFur calls out.

"You still want to hug an Anti?!" Forbidden calls out.

"YEAH!"

"THEN GET DOWN HERE!!!" Feralis laughs and starts making the world rumble and shake.

"WWAAAAAH!!!" Xion bursts into tears. The three on the roof tumble down from the hole and land 'safely' on Forbidden.

"Thanks for breaking our fall!" FurryFur says.

"No problem. NOW WILL YOU GET OFF?!"

"Sure!" The three get off her.

"We're here too!" A second group of 5 teenage girls appear.

"Heh, you're outnumbered Furry." Forbidden teases.

"….These guys are under a spell right?" Gaia Okada, a tall solemn girl with long silver hair and purple blue eyes, asks.

"Yup! The …. Infans… something or other." Forbidden says.

"…SSOOOOO CUTE!! I'M TAKING LARXY HOME!!!" Ahlia Sakamoto, a small girl with long brown hair that spiked up in the front and gleaming cheerful blue eyes, grabs the Larxene Baby and starts singing to her. Larxene nods off and starts sucking her thumb in her sleep.

"…..Alright, we'll take shifts." Reiotta Shiro, a tall girl with golden blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, says.

"WHO THE FUCK MADE YOU LEADER?!" Feralis snarls.

"Me." the two starts glaring at each other.

"Umm…… I'm leader!" Forbidden says randomly. The girls look at her and Forbidden blushes.

"Hehehehe… Maybe not." She says nervously.

"think of the kids! Here, I'll take Roxy and we'll get them to sleep." Sovreigna Hashimoto, a girl with short cropped blonde hair and blue eyes, says and picks up an infant and starts rocking it in her arms.

"Fine I'll help." Tsuyosa Kimura says, a girl with shortly cropped brown hair and with blue eyes, and picks up the whimpering Xion and starts rocking her gently. Xion yawns, adorably, and falls asleep.

"…In 5 seconds, they're already better than us." FurryFur comments.

"No shit." Forbidden agrees.

"YOU SWORE!" Axel and Saix scream.


	8. A Horrible Truth

**...... This is just filler!**

**All things in here is not mine, except for the Drive girls and Adrian!**

**X x x x x x x x x x x x x x xx x x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

Castle That Never Was

"sooo…… What now?" Forbidden asks.

"…Dunno…" FurryFur says.

"……Hey… Daddy Sora's gone!!!" Ahlia wails.

"..Well, we're going Sora huntin' then!" Forbidden pulls out a shot gun, puts on a hunting cap, and grins evilly.

"……. NOO!!! YOU'RE NOT HURTING MY DADDY!!!" Ahlia screams.

"…No more cartoons, Biddy." Reiotta says.

"SWEET! I dib the hea-" Feralis stops when everyone glares at her, except for her two younger siblings.

"..She's the one who pulled out the shot gun….." Feralis mutters and continues rocking Zexion. He sleeps peacefully in her lap. His tiny fingers move subconsciously and then Axel comes in , pale and screaming his head off.

"SHUT UP YOU LITTLE ROACH!" Feralis snarls and grabs Axel by the scruff of his shirt. She had teleported herself and her golden eyes were shining blood red.

"BUT THERE'S A MONSTER IN THE BATHROOOM!!!" Axel wails and bursts into tears.

"BULL! Lemme see!" Forbidden says and runs into the bathroom. She comes out and then goes running for the couch and dives behind it.

"…… I'm going next." Gaia says and flicks her silvery bangs out of her face. She walks in and then comes out laughing.

"WHAT?! IS IT GONE?!" Forbidden and Axel ask.

"….Yuuup." Gaia holds up…

"A rubber duckie." Everyone cracks up in laughter.

"WHAT?! NO WAY!!! It was a three headed snake!" Forbidden yells.

"NOO!! It was the BOOGEY MAN!! I SAW!" Axel wails and bursts into tears again.

"……." Reiotta looks to the sleeping Zexion.

"…Perhaps…?" She murmurs to herself. She notices his fingers twitch and then Saix comes in running and hides behind Forbidden before bursting into tears.

"WAAAAAAH!!! THERE'S A… A… MONSTER!!!" Saix screams.

"…SHUT UP! You know how long it took us to get these little bast- …. ANGELS to sleep?!" Feralis snarls.

"……But… It was…. All purpley… and it looked like XALDIN!!!" Saix whimpers.

"…….Ahlia… Go into the kitchen. I want to test something." Reiotta smiles secretly.

"…Sure! No problem, Rei Rei!" The cheerful Ahlia walks to the kitchen and they all wait. They're not disappointed.

"GAAAAH!!! IT'S SOV ON A BAD HAIR DAY!!!" Ahlia yells and runs back into the living room.

"…….." Reiotta flashes her younger sister, Sovreigna, a smile. Sovreigna glares at her sister Ahlia.

"…….I'm killing you. RIGHT NOW." Sovreigna snarls.

"No violence in front of the kiddies! And who's looking for Sora? And Riku?" Tsuyosa says.

"ME!!" Forbidden and Ahlia both volunteer eagerly.

"…Anyone else? Anyone at all?" Sovreigna puts in.

"….." Lexaeus raises a hand. The three leave to search.

"BOOOGEY MAN!!!!" Axel screams and points to the corner. Everyone looks. Each one has a different vision of the thing they fear most.

"….WAKE ZEXION UP! NOW!" Reiotta commands. Zexion wakes up and yawns.

"…..Sleepy…." He murmers.

"Don't let him fall asleep! He's been making illusions!" Gaia figures out.

"I FOOOUND HIM!!" Forbidden comes back with a cookie jar.

"….Forbidden, I know you're not the brightest crayon in the box but…." Sovreigna starts.

"……" Forbidden opens the jar. Demyx, covered in cookie crumbs, sleeps inside.

"…That is the cutest thing I've ever seen!!!" Reiotta squeals and she slips Demyx out and gives him a hug.

"Wha…. Cookie!" Demyx says and reaches for another one.

"Okay Dem Dem you can have anoth-" Everyone stares at the normally calm and solemn Reiotta.

"…What?"

"Nothing." Everyone looks away. Lexaeus comes back with a struggling Larxene in his arms.

"DOWN! DOWN!!! Down dum dum!" She wails and struggles harder.

"….Kay, we're finding everyone BUT Sora!" Tsuyosa comments.

"I FOUND DADDY!!! HE WAS PLAYING IN THE BASEMENT!!!" Ahlia says and comes in with Sora and Roxas, both having slightly blackened clothes.

"…. I don't even want to know what they were doing." Reiotta says. Everyone nods.

"…They were playing with the fuse box!" Ahlia reports proudly.

" I SAID I DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW!" Everyone yells.

"Shocky shocky like Larxenchu!" Roxas says proudly. He holds up a bent fork.

"….And Roxas is supposed to be the smart one." Forbidden laughs.

"….. Kaiwi!!!" Sora squeals and leaps from Ahlia's arms and runs to the sleeping baby.

"shhh…. She's sleeping buddy." Sovreigna says.

"…Shhh… Sora good boy." Sora says and puts a finger to his lips and shushes everyone.

"…NOW THAT'S the cutest thing I've ever seen." Reiotta says. Demyx starts singing nonsense and water twirls around him and Reiotta.

"…SO THEY ALL GOT THEIR POWERS?! That's it, I'm knocking them out." Forbidden says.

"NOOOOOO!!!" Everyone grabs her and she struggles against them.

"C'MON!!! It was a joke!" Forbidden laughs.

"..Suuuuure."

"GAAAH!!! BOOGEY MAN!!!" Axel wails again. Zexion's gleaming as his silvery blue eyes shine and he waves his arms around.

"Oh my god, Xemnas, come home soon." Forbidden and FurryFur say in unison.


	9. Forbidden and the Movie Adventures

**Uhh.... NEXT chapter we return to Xemnas!**

**disclaimers: KH, and nothing else mentioned is mine.**

**NOTE: they're playing 'Hollywood Movie Adventures'. It's a good game.**

**X x x x x x x x x x x x x xx x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xx xX**

Castle That Never Was

"Alright Forbidden, you entertain Axel and Saix, while we go look for the OTHER missing babies. Kay?" Reiotta says. Forbidden raises a hand.

"….We're not at school." Sovreigna points out. Forbidden just waves her hand wildly and starts rocking back forth on her chair.

"….WHAT?!" Gaia snaps.

"….Can I knock them out??" Forbidden asks innocently.

"NO!" Everyone yells.

"Why not? Easier to work with." Feralis points out.

"SHUT UP LISSY!" Ahlia yells.

"CALL ME LISSY AGAIN AND I'M GONNA SIC MY DOG ON YOU!!!" Feralis snarls.

"You don't have the cojones!" Sovreigna says with a smug smile.

"Uhh.. Mexican. In the room. Is getting insulted by cojones joke!" Forbidden says.

"YOU TAKE CARE OF THESE IDIOTS," Sovreigna points to Axel and Saix.

"AND WE'LL FIND THESE IDIOTS!!" Ahlia finishes. Out of all the babies that were STILL IN THE ROOM, only Demyx and Zexion were left.

"….How did we lose them?!" Reiotta says in shock.

"……" Forbidden tucks away the key to the room.

"Mystery!" She says sweetly.

"… Riiiight." Ahlia steals the key and they all go to look for the missing babies.

" WAIT! WHAT DO I DO WITH THEM?! HEY!!!" Forbidden yells but they already left.

"……" the two kids glance at Forbidden and she glances back.

"Uhh…. Wanna go check out the heads up's rooms? It might be fun." Forbidden suggests. They shrug and follow her to Xemnas's room.

"DAMN! THAT IS A HUGE FUCKIN' BED!!" Forbidden cannonballs herself onto it and manages to bounce to the ceiling when she notices….

"LIGHT SABERS!!! OH MY GOD!" She jumps off and runs to the cabinet. Inside were Xemnas's spare Etheral Blades.

"… YOu thinking what I'm thinking?" She asks the kids.

"YAY! STAR WARS!!"

"Now I am Darth Vader. You … Are Luke!" Forbidden points to Axel.

"YAY! I'm LUKE!" Axel cheers.

"…. I guess you're Yoda then." Forbidden says.

"… Do my best, I will." Saix grins.

"NOW! EPIC BATTLE SCENE!!!" They bash open the case, take a few and start running around, making light saber noises.

"…Huh?" Erika wakes up from her nap, adjusts herself on the pillow and falls back asleep, her little brother Riku sleeping in her arms.

"PSSSHOOO!!!" Forbidden stumbles into the room.

"…. NEVER VAD-" Forbidden kicks him to be quiet and goes over to the sleeping siblings. She finds a blanket and then covers them with it.

"awww…." Axel gives Erika a hug and Saix pats Riku on the head.

"…Don't tell anyone I did that." Forbidden commands.

"We promise!" The pair says.

"Sweet. NOW! BACK TO THE EPIC SCENE!!" Forbidden slams her 'Lightsaber' into Axel's and Axel falls back.

"NOOO!!! YOU KILLED MY FATHER!" He wails.

"No, Luke. I AM your…. Wait, I'm supposed to be a boy? That can't be right." Forbidden pauses.

"you could be his mom." Saix suggests.

"…..Nahh…. I'm his father! LUKE! I AM YOUR FATHER!" Forbidden decides.

"SHUT UP!" Riku wakes and throws a plushie at them.

"Spoilsport… LET'S GO PLAY INDIANA JONES!!!" Forbidden pulls out a familiar, iconic, faded brown hat.

"YAY! DR. JONES, DR. JONES!" Axel and Saix say in unison.

"Hehehehe….. ONWARD FOR THE CRYSTAL SKULL!!!" They run off.

"…Was that Biddy?" Erika yawns and falls back asleep.


	10. Biddy Jones and The Crystal Skull

**Hehehe... What will Biddy Jones and her trusted sidekicks/kiddies be up to now?!**

**Disclaimers: Indiana Jones, Kingdom Hearts and anything else mentioned is not mine. ALL the RanDOmNeSs IS!!**

**X x x x x x x xx x xx x x x x x x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

Super Market

"Come on everyone, we must get home before Forbidden burns the Castle down." Xemnas commands.

"You REALLY don't trust her." Xigbar comments, his arms full of sodas.

"…NO." Xemnas says bluntly and they all troop off to the ship and get in.

_**Meanwhile at the Castle**_

"OH MY GOD!! RUUUUN!!!" Forbidden yells, a strange bundle in her arms.

"WAAAAH!! RUN! RUN!!!" Saix screams.

"BOOO YEAH!!!" Axel screams in joy as the trio were being chased by a…

"WHAT THE FUCK?! IS THAT A BOULDER?!" FurryFur screams.

"WE FOUND THE CRYSTAL SKULL! DON'T ASK HOW, WE JUST DID!!!" Forbidden yells at him as the boulder chases after him too.

"WHY ME?!?!" He takes off, outrunning the three.

"…RUNAWAY BOULDER!!" Forbidden yells. The four of them jet past the room where most of the babies had been rounded up.

"…wow, Forbidden's got a really good imaginat-" Ahlia starts to comment but then notices the twenty ton rock rolling after them.

"Holy fuck." Sovreigna says, and Xion gasps.

"SCOOT!" Saix dodges an arrow attack and Axel sends a jet of flames behind them, accidentally lighting the rock on FIRE.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" Forbidden swears violently.

"YOU SWORE, DR. JONES!!" Axel and Saix yell in unison.

"I KNOW THAT!!!" FurryFur manages to skid into one of the rooms in the hallway, with relief obvious on his face.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Xemnas yells as Forbidden and the little kids run past him.

"Dude… AWESOME!" Xigbar laughs.

"…..Those… are mine." Vexen says with a blush.

"YOURS?!"

"OH MY GOD! PIT!!" the trio skid just in time to avoid falling into a bottomless pit.

"…..LOOK! Grab the snake and we can go past!" Axel points to a giant python hanging from the ceiling. Forbidden turns pale.

"It's easy!" Saix grabs the tail and swings across the pit. His baseball cap flies off toward the endless bottom of the pit.

"See? C'MON BIDDY!" Axel follows and the boulder's mere feet away.

"WHY IS IT ALWAYS SNAKES?! I HATE SNAKES!! I HATE THEM!!!" Forbidden screams and throws her bundle to Axel. She braces herself and grabs onto the snake. She swings across and the second she could, lets go of the snake.

"BLAAAAH!!! YUCK YUCK YUCK!!!" She collapses on the floor, trembling and rubbing her hands on her khaki coat.

"YAY! WE WON!" The two 5 year olds cheer as the giant boulder thuds down into the pit.

"Yup! And we have the skull!" Forbidden says, now completely recovered. Then an arrow head pokes her in the back of the neck.

"….THE NATIVES!" Saix says with wide eyes.

"….And I'm guessing you want this back, right?" Forbidden says and holds up the Skull. The chief nods.

"….. Well…"

"You gotta promise not to hurt us." Axel says.

"….Yes. Is Promise." the chief says in accented English.

"……..AXEL CATCH!" Forbidden throws it to Axel. He catches it and scoots between the legs of the Chief.

"GUHK! OULIP!" The chief commands.

"RUN BOY! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!" Forbidden yells and unties a whip from her hip. She slaps the Chief with it, across the face.

"….. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THREE DOING?!" Xemnas yells. The epic battle scene between Biddy Jones, her two assistants, and the natives of the jungle of the Crystal Skull stops.

"…..Hiya Superior!" The whole group says.

"…ALL YOU INDIGENOUS PEOPLE LEAVE!!!" Xemnas screams. The natives take one look at his pissed face and head for the hills.

"HAH! NEVER mess with Biddy Jo-" Forbidden stops as she notices just HOW mad Xenmas was.

"…..I'm in trouble aren't I?" She asks nervously.

"YES! WHAT WERE YOU DOING?!" Xemnas scolds her.

"WELL! They told me to entertain them!" She points to Axel and Saix. They nod, and back up Forbidden's story.

"….BY THE WAY! What the hell are you guys doing with the Crystal Skull?" Forbidden asks innocently.

"…That would be mine." Vexen takes it and goes back to his lab.

"Dude… I'm coming along next time!" Xigbar says.


	11. Cosplaying Babies and Xemnas's Anger

**Since Erika/Hyper Angel's been helping me so much via MSN, I'm gonna have to start putting her name on this!**

**Disclaimers: KH, FF, and anything I can think of, is not mine!**

**Thank you again to my co-authoress, Erika!**

**Enjoy follks, and note that this is more filler!**

**X x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

Castle That Never Was

"…………………. SOO CUTE!" Namine squeals as she sees what the Drives had done.

"YUP! We dressed them up!" Ahlia says and holds up one. Yup, they were THAT bored.

"Kupo! Kupo!" Haru says, his tiny Moogle costume's pom pom wiggling with each movement.

"……Rawr!" Axel says, in a lion costume. He pretends to growl at the 'Moogle' and Haru giggles and waves his hand to the 'lion'.

"….. It may be CUTE but it's undignified! Look at my poor little Replica, forced to be a MOOGLE!" Vexen says angrily.

"Kupo! Kupo! Haru a Moogle! Kupo!" Haru says again. He's grinning.

"….. At least he ain't a Chocobo." Feralis says, flipping through her book.

"….Buck Buck?" Roxas asks, his tiny arms inside the costume's wings.

"…. I LOVE YOU!!" Namine squeals and hugs him.

"OOOH yeah, he's enjoyin' that." Xigbar laughs.

"…. I don't wanna be a doggie…." Saix says and he looks up at Namine, embarrassed. He has on a brown dog costume with floppy black ears.

"But you're a very handsome doggie, Saix!" Namine pets his head and Saix cheers up a little.

"RAAAWR!!! Sora a dinosaur!" Sora cheers and roars again. He's a green T-Rex.

"…. Kairi a pwincess?" Kairi says and looks at her frilly pink dress.

"….. Really? Kairi's a princess?" Namine says.

"..Well… We WERE gonna dress her up like YOU but the dye wouldn't stick!" Sovreigna says.

"……. Riku a…. a…?" Riku looks at his costume confused.

"You're a Heartless, Riri!" Erika says and picks up the 'Shadow Heartless'.

"...Flower." Marluxia strikes a pose and he giggles, the roses falling off his rose bush costume.

"CASINO! BLACK JACK!" Luxord calls out, a tiny deck of cards in his hand. He was in a casino dealer costume.

"Xi Xi a kitty cat! And she dance dance dance, and she dance dance dance!" Xion sings and she waves her cat tail.

"DEMY A SUFER!!!" Demyx says, posed on a toy surfboard, about twice his height.

"Uhh… That doesn't mean you're ACTUALLY surfin' little buddy." Xigbar tells him.

"Wha?"

"….WAAAAAH!!!! NAAAMI!!!" Roxas cries when Xigbar keeps staring at him.

"XIGBAR! You're scaring him!" Namine scolds.

"…But he looks like DINNER!" Xigbar says.

"……." Roxas's eyes widen. His jaw drops.

"Some barbeque sauce and we got ourselves a little KFC!" Xigbar jokes.

"…..NOOOOO!!!!" Roxas leaps from Namine's arms and crawls off.

"YOU JACKASS!" Namine slaps Xigbar and goes to find the baby Roxas before he could hurt himself.

"…. KFC?" Feralis asks.

"Kentucky Fried Chocobo." Xigbar laughs.

"NOOOOO!!! NOOO!!! XIGGY WANNA EAT ROXAS!!!" Roxas wails as Namine carries him back.

"No he doesn't. He's only playing." Namine reassures him.

"..Really?" Roxas asks.

"…Nah, I'm not gonna eat ya." Xigbar tells Roxas.

"Phew!" Roxas sighs in relief.

"I have no clue where my barbeque sauce is!" Xigbar continues.

"…..Naaaami!!!" Roxas wails and hugs her neck, still scared.

"HE IS NOT GOING TO EAT YOU! IF HE EVEN TRIES, I'LL KILL HIM!" Namine says angrily at Xigbar.

"…Dude, I think I pissed her off." He whispers to Gaia.

"…. you think?" she says sarcastically.

"WELL! IT'S TIME TO GO HOME GUYS!!" Forbidden randomly appears.

"…Look at what they did!" Vexen says, trying to get some support.

"OH MY GOD A CHOCOBO! Let's eat him!" She says jokingly and licks her lips.

"……..WAAAAAAHH!!!" Roxas runs away again.

"FORBIDDEN!" Namine glares at her and goes to find Roxas again.

"….. What I say?" She asks confused.

"………Why the hell are they in cosplay?" Xemnas asks, when he enters the room.

"….Erika's idea!" Erika looks up from playing with her Heartless little brother.

"…Isn't he cute?!" She holds up Riku. Riku wiggles his Heartless antenna and smiles evilly.

"…..Rawr." Riku gives Xemnas a glare but then flinches when Xemnas gives him one back.

"…….Zexi… funny." Zexion says.

"NOOO! YOU'RE CUTE ZEXION!" Forbidden says and picks up the 'Dusk' dressed baby.

"Dusk…. Funny." Zexion says and wiggles his arms.

"….Don't like Pikachu…" Larxene says.

"PIKACHU!" Roxas comes back and tugs Larxene's ears.

"GRRRR!!!" Larxene shocks him and sends him flying.

"soooo… You owe us for the babysitting! We'll call you." Forbidden says and they run off to the Gummy Ship.

"See ya!" The Drives vanish. Then Xemnas notices the mess.

"SON OF A MOTHER FUCKIN' BITCH WHORE!" He screams.

"YOU SWORE!" Axel, Xion, and Saix all say in unison.

"GRAAAAAH!!!"

**x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xx x x **

**MY GOD! XEMNAS STOP SWEARING!**

**and now, since the babysitters left, we're gonna have sit back, and enjoy the Organization taking care of the little ones!**

**thanks FurryFur, for letting me use your name for this! :D**


	12. FOOD FIGHT!

**Lol, once again I update!**

**Disclaimers: Idea and randomness is mine. Not the characters... ENJOY!**

**X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x X**

Castle That Never Was

"Sooo… Any bright ideas?" Xigbar says, as Namine is trying to calm down the wailing Roxas.

"DON'T WANNA BE EATEN!!!!!" Roxas screams.

"………………………….. We COULD-" Xaldin starts.

"NO." Everyone says immediately.

"I DIDN'T EVEN FINI-"

"Larxy hungry!" Larxene says and wiggles out of her Pokemon costume.

"She's right, we all should eat dinner." Xemnas says and picks her up.

"Alright then! Pizza?" Xigbar says and goes for the phone.

"……Why did he look at me when he said 'Pizza?'" Xaldin says.

"Cause you don't know how to cook?" Erika says innocently as she picks up Haru and Riku.

"EXCUSE ME?!"

"…..She does have a point. Your cooking skills are no match for Namine's. Or even Xion's." Vexen smirks.

"……………………" Xaldin growls viciously under his breath.

"Hey Superior? I ordered the pizza. And Forbidden left you a present." Xigbar snickers and hands Xemnas a card.

"Hmm?" Xenmas reads it out loud.

" 'YO Superior! I did you a favor, and called Mrs. M! Thank me later, Biddy. '" Xemnas turns pale.

"..Aww, crap." Xigbar says and holds his head from the LAST time (otherwise known as Sora's mom) had hit him.

"She cannot come here! She'll interrupt my experimentations again!" Vexen says angrily.

" I'M HUNGRY!!! MY TUMMY WANTS FOOD! I'M HUUUNGRY!!!" Axel screams, in a tantrum.

"…….Me too…." Saix says embarrassed.

"Food! Food!" The babies chant.

"THEN PIPE DOWN AND WAIT YOUR ASSES!" Xigbar shouts.

"……………………………........................" The babies, Axel and Saix look at him in amazement.

"Do NOT SWEAR XIGBAR!" Xemnas yells.

"….They started it….. The little bastards…." Xigbar mutters under his breath.

DING DONG!

"OOH! PIIIIZZZZAAAA!!!" Axel cheers and runs for the door.

"………………..And what will we have for the REST of the meal?" Vexen asks.

"Uhh…… Make some mashed potatoes or something'. I mean, the best chef is out of order at the moment." Xigbar points to Xion, still in her kitten costume.

"Potatoe! Po! Tat! Toe!" She sings.

"…. How can you NOT love this?" Erika squeals and huggles Xion.

"XXEEEEEEMNAS!!! The mister wants money! What do I do?!" Axel yells.

"Knock the bugger out!" Xigbar suggests.

"XIGBAR!"

" I mean, pay the very nice man his money." Xigbar corrects himself.

"….." Lexaeus comes to the front of the Castle and pays the kid. He comes back with an excited Axel and several large pepperonis.

"XIGBAR! HOW MANY DID YOU ORDER?!" Xemnas yells.

"…… uh…… how much is three dozen? I mean, the reviewers must be getting hungry…." Xigbar says.

"SHUT UP AND EAT!" Xemnas shoves a pizza into his arms and everyone sits down to eat.

"Piiiizzzzaaaaaa." Xion sounds out. Roxas takes a bite, his eyes widen and then he spits it out.

"Hot." He tells Namine.

"Here, I'll cool it for you." She blows on the pizza and then Roxas bites into it and everyone starts eating.

"XEEEEMNAS!" Axel throws a pizza slice and cackles evilly as it slaps Xemnas hard on the cheek.

"YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY YOU LITTLE BRAT?!" Xemnas throws a slice and it slams Axel backwards off the chair.

"Superior! Control yourself!" Vexen says in shock.

"YOU WANNA FIGHT?!?!" Axel screams and throws the pizza box at Xemnas but misses. It hits Lexaeus.

"…." Lexaeus throws his Hawaiian pizza at him and it hits Axel square on the shoulder.

"OH YOU ASKED FOR IT!" Saix and Axel grab pizza boxes and start ripping out the slices to throw them.

"Don't waste food!" Xaldin says angrily but then they nail him with a bacon ham slice.

"YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" Xaldin snatches up a meat lover's slice and throws it as hard as he can at Axel.

"……………Little kids. Out. NOW!" Xigbar starts to help Namine carry the kids out.

"SHOCK!" Larxene throws her tiny slice of cheese pizza at Axel who chucks a pepperoni one at her.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!" An angry voice demands. They all stop.

"MRS. MINAMI?!?!!?"

**Xx x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xx X**

**Dum dum duum!**

**I warned the silver headed teen I'd call her! XD**


	13. Mrs Minami comes to CTNW

**Kay, really random and the OC, not Mrs. M, belongs to xXxKixixXx, she's letting me borrow her.**

**Kingdom Hearts, the Oc in question and anything I forget to mention, is NOT mine.**

**Once again, thank you Erika!**

**X x x x x xx x x x x x xxx x x x x x xx x xx x x x xx x X**

Castle That Never Was

"Aw crap." Xigbar says.

"Who the hell are you?" Xemnas asks the girl following Mrs. Minami.

"….I'm on loan." She says and adjusts her hat.

"IIIIIVY!!!!" Sora squeals and crawls up to her.

"Hello Sora." She smiles gently and picks him up.

"Ivy! We're going to take Sora, Roxas, Kairi, Xion and Riku home!" Mrs. Minami commands.

"……. WHAT ABOUT ME?!?! AND HARU HARU?!" Erika shouts and holds up the baby Haru, still in his Moogle costume.

"Kupo… no cry cry, big sister." Haru says to Erika.

"Awww…. Too cute to cry!!!" Erika says and hugs him tighter.

"GIVE ME MY SON, OR I'LL BASH YOUR FACE IN." Mrs. Minami snarls. Sora's eyes widen.

"M-mommy sc-scary!!! NAAAAAMI!!!" Sora crawls back to Namine in fear.

"No, Sora, it's okay." Mrs. Minami says nervously.

"….MY Nami!" Roxas tells him angrily. Kairi sits next to Sora and pats his hand.

"Momma gone. No monster." She says sweetly.

"…….. Okay Kai Kai!" Sora hugs her.

"How'd this happen?" Ivy asks.

"… Xion." T hey point to the giggling toddler.

"AAAAND A BIG SMEELLLY BOOT!!" Xion laughs harder. Lexaeus is struggling not to crack up and even Vexen's chuckling at the baby's antics.

"Why don't we stay here?" Ivy suggests.

"WHAT?!"

" That's a great idea! Namine can't handle all of them, and I know how to cook!" Mrs. Minami says proudly.

"EXCUSE ME?!" Xemnas yells.

"Meet your new maid and chef." Ivy laughs to herself.

"…… Can we have pancakes?" Axel asks innocently.

"WE JUST ATE!" Xemnas scolds him.

"but… I'm still hungry!!!" Axel says, looking like he's about to burst into tears.

"what did you feed them?" Mrs. Minami says to Xemnas.

"Pizza?" Xigbar puts in.

"Oh my god… I'm living with morons…. Here, I'll make you something really special, okay Axel?" Mrs. Minami says with a smile.

"I LIKE HER!" Axel tells Saix. Saix nods.

"She's nice." They both troop off to the kitchen with Ivy in tow.

"NOW! I'll be feeding them something and YOU lot stay here." Mrs. Minami scolds.

"…Yes ma'am." In a few minutes, Mrs. Minami became Lord of the Castle That Never Was.

"I'll need someone who's strong. To move some of the furniture." She instructs. Lexaeus raises his hand.

"I'll be glad to be of service." He smiles and goes to help her make a kind of play pen for the younger members.

"KUPO!" Haru chases Roxas (still a Chocobo) around the makeshift play pen. Marluxia oversees everything smugly.

"Lol, Lord of the Playpen." Xigbar laughs.

"NAAAAAAAMI!!!!" Roxas wails. Namine picks him up and calms him down. After a few fashion changes, the younger members are all dressed in play clothes.

"……….No more Kupo…" Haru comments.

"BUT I GOT A MOOGLE HAT!" Erika puts it on his head. Haru grins.

"Purple!" Sora tells Riku very seriously.

"Green." Riku retorts smugly.

"PINK!" Kairi laughs and they all start to giggle.

"…dude, I think they made their own language." Xigbar tells Namine.

"They are VERY smart." Namine says happily as Roxas snuggles against her on the couch. They had made the Living Room That Never Was the play room.

"Xemnas, what would you like?" Mrs. Minami asks.

"Uh… Anything's fine." He says.

"MOOOOOOMMMY!!!" Sora calls out and holds his arms out.

"Aww…. And Sora's STILL my adowable wittle baby!" Mrs. Minami cuddles with him.

"Dude. Blackmail." Xigbar has a camera rolling.

"…Mrs. Minami, at what age do babies start walking?" Xemnas asks innocently (yeah right).

"At about a year old. Why?" She asks.

"XIGBAR! WE'RE TEACHING THEM HOW TO WALK!" Xemnas commands.

"…Say wha?"

**x x x x x x x x x x xx x x x xx x x x x X**

**Can't wait to see how THAT turns out.**

**hehehehehe.**


	14. Xemnas Tries to Teach X, IX and XII

**Okay, this has taken me a while to update.**

**Disclaimers: KH is not mine, and neither is anything else.**

**BTW, Xigbar's behind camera, and he's filming home videos.**

**Keep that in mind. This is in TAPES.**

**X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

Castle That Never Was

**Tape: Luxord Walks!**

"First, we'll start with Luxord." Xemnas says proudly.

"…Xemnas, I'm telling you as a friend. This is a fuckin' stupid idea." Xigbar says behind the camera.

"Hush. C'mon Luxord! You can do it! Walk to Xemmy!" Xemnas says encouragingly.

"…………" Luxord's eyes widen and he stands up.

"YES! GO TEN!" Xenmas says cheerfully.

"WAAAAAAAH!!!" Luxord runs in the opposite direction of Xemnas and into the next room, crying.

"…Okay?"

"Well, he walked." Xigbar laughs.

"…… DAMMIT! COME BACK HERE AND DO IT RIGHT!" Xemnas chases after Luxord.

"NNOOOOOOOO!!!!! MOOOMMMYY!!!" Luxord wails before vanishing into a tiny Corridor of Darkness.

"Sweet! His first Corridor….. Be a proud daddy, Xemmy. A proud daddy." Xigbar teases.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" Xemnas swears violently.

"……. A proud, ABUSIVE daddy." Xigbar comments.

**Tape: Larxene's STILL abusive**

"Okay, Luxord may have been a failure, but Larxene will NOT let me down!" Xemnas says determined.

"Xemnas. We've been …. Well, let's say 'friends' for a while now. STOP WHATEVER THE HELL YOU'RE PLANNIN'. NOW." Xigbar says.

"Nonsense. We must do this, or they will not have sufficient motor skills when they're their proper ages."

"Look, I don't care if they can't drive! KNOCK IT OFF! It's embarrassin'!" Xemnas gives Xigbar a glare.

"…I'll be a quiet lil pirate now." Xigbar keeps the camera rolling.

"come on Larxene! You can do it! Walk over to me!" Xemnas says in a baby voice. Larxene just stares at him.

"C'mon little one!" Xemnas says. Larxene gives him a glare.

"Cool, didn't know babies could glare like that." Xigbar comments.

"Shut up, Two. Larxy, c'mon! Walk baby, you can do it!"

"Dude, she'll kill you when she sees this tape."

"I thought I told you to be quiet." Xemnas holds Larxene by her arms and gently lets go. She stands by herself, and she looks around with a pleased expression, mildly impressed with herself. He walks a few steps away.

"Hi Hi Xemmy! Hi Hi Xiggy!" Axel says as he comes in.

"Hiya there buddy, say hi to the camera." Xigbar films a shot of Axel.

"Hi Hi Camera!" Axel waves.

"XIGBAR! FOCUS!" Xemnas commands.

"You're hindering my creative muse here, Xemmy." Xigbar starts filming the baby Larxene again.

"Whatcha doin'?" Axel asks.

"Making Larxy walk." Xemnas says.

"…She won't walk? Why?" Axel asks innocently.

"…She's a BABY lil dude." Xigbar explains.

"….." Axel walks over to the standing baby.

"Axel, what are you doing?" Xemnas asks, concerned with the odd expression on Axel's face.

"WALK STUPID!!!" Axel grabs Larxene's tufts of hair and yanks.

"Oh god." Xigbar says, shocked.

"…GRRRRR!!!!" Larxene screams and a bolt of electricity slams into Axel, sending him flying.

"WAAAAH!!! NAAAAAMI!!!" Axel runs. Larxene toddles after him, carrying a pack of miniature Foudres.

"SWEET! That was bitchin'!" Xigbar cheers.

"……….Holy crap." Xemnas says, his face in an expression of complete shock.

"NOT THE FACE!! LARXY!!! GAAAAH!!! HEEEEEELP!!" Axel's screams echo throughout the castle.

"And she's STILL vicious!" Xigbar laughs.

"Indeed." Xemnas says and goes to break up the fight.

**Tape: Demyx and His Sitar**

"C'mon number nine. You can do it." Xemnas says encouragingly to the tiny blonde baby.

"…Shouldn't you give this job to someone else? I mean, Axel did a pretty good job with Larxene." Xigbar says behind the camera.

"Silence. Demyx is not exactly the brightest crayon in the box, but he SHOULD be able to do this simple task." Xemnas turns back to the baby.

"Heh, Demyx, look what Superior's sayin' about you." Xigbar comments to the camera.

"C'mon Demyx. Walk to Superior." Xemnas says in a sing song voice.

"NEVER do that again! Geez!" Xigbar shivers and the camera trembles in his hand.

"….Sitar!" Demyx says and starts sucking on his thumb.

"YES, Sitar." Xenmas says and sighs.

"…………HIYA SUPERIOR!!" Axel tackles Xemnas.

"AAAAXEL!" Xemnas yellls in surprise.

"Hiya Xiggy!" Axel says happily. His face had a few scratches from fighting with Larxene, but nothing a Potion couldn't fix.

"Hey there lil Buddy. Wanna go get some ice cream when Superior's done being stupid?" Xigbar says.

"OKAY! But aren't you done?" Axel asks Xemnas.

"No. We still have several more hours to go." Xemnas peels Axel off him and sits him down on the couch.

"Stay." Xemnas says, holding his hand out as if Axel was a naughty puppy.

"Is this a new game?! I like games!" Axel says eagerly.

"YES, it's called the 'SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND BE QUIET' game! If you're quiet for FIVE minutes, you get a prize!" Xemnas smiles at him.

"OKAY! I'm good at games." Axel concentrates and is quiet.

"…You're a terrible person!" Xigbar says.

"Shut up." Xemnas goes on trying to make Demyx walk, with no results.

"…….." Axel gets up. He leaves the room.

"Uh… Xemnas." Xigbar says.

"QUIET! He nearly had it." Xemnas keeps helping Demyx.

"….." Axel comes back with Demyx's Arpeggio Sitar.

"AAAH! YAAAAAAY! SIIIIIITARRRRRR!!!!" Demyx runs to it, his tiny legs wobbling as he runs.

"…………."

"………….." Both Xigbar and Xemnas stare.

"I WIN!" Axel says cheerfully.

" You are NOT good at this, Xemnas." Xigbar comments.

"………………………" Xemnas is still awestruck.

**X x x x x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x xx x X**

**Not too bad! We still have a few more members, and the Destiny Islands crew to work with!**


	15. Walking with Baby Roxas and Lil Xion

**Yup, we're updating today.**

**Xemnas is STILL making home videos of them walking, with Xigbar.**

**x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x xx xx x x x x xx x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

Castle That Never Was: Kitchen that Never Was

**Tape: Roxas the Jealous**

"Now! Roxas, come on XIII! You can do it! Walk to Xemmy!" Xemnas says to the quiet infant.

"Not this again….." Xigbar rolls his eye(s?).

"Roxas, I'll give you a sea salt ice cream if you walk to me!" Xemnas says.

"My god, BRIBES now?!" Xigbar laughs.

"Ice cweam?" Roxas says, interested.

"Yes. A WHOLE sea salt ice cream, just for YOU." Xemnas smiles encouragingly.

"…Hmm…… Ice cweam…. Two?" Roxas holds up two fingers.

"What?" Xemnas says confused.

"TWO. TWO ice cweams!" Roxas grins, tiny teeth gleaming in the light.

"He's good." Xigbar comments.

"FINE! TWO! NOW WALK." Xemnas commands. Roxas nods, and stands up.

"Walk? Wha walk?" Roxas tilts his head, pretending to be confused. He giggles.

"C'mon Thirteen! You can do it!" Xemnas cheers.

"WAAAAAH!!! NAMINE!! IT HURTS!!!" Axel's voice wails.

"Aw crap." Xigbar says. Namine comes in, holding an injured Axel.

"Aw, poor baby. What happened?" Namine says sweetly.

"……. Larxy hurted me." Axel says, tears in his eyes. She pats his head gently.

"Aw… It's okay…. Here, eat this, I'll get some ice." Namine hands him a cookie.

"Nami!" Roxas calls out, and holds his arms out for her to pick him up.

"….It's a good cookie…" Axel sniffles and nibbles at it.

"Here. Hold it." Namine holds out an ice pack and Axel presses it to the blackening bruise on his arm.

"Better?" Axel nods.

"Thanks Nami…" Axel says.

"Here, a Band aid for the cut." Namine disinfects it and puts a red Band aid on the tiny cut on Axel's hand.

"NAMI!!" Roxas insists again. He's frowning and making a face. He looks like he's about to burst into tears.

"Thank you!" Axel gives her a kiss on the hand. Namine laughs and kisses his cheek.

"_NAAAMI_!" Roxas runs up to her and hugs her legs, and starts to cry.

"Aww, Roxas, what's wrong?" Namine picks him up and cuddles with him.

"Hi hi Roxy!" Axel greets him. Roxas glares at him and cuddles closer to her.

"_MY_ Nami. No yours." He tells him with a frown.

"Okay! But she's like my mommy and you'll be her boyfriend, kay, Roxy?" Axel says with a grin. He holds out the rest of the cookie out to Roxas.

"…Thank you!" Roxas bites into it and giggles at Xemnas's reaction.

"Silly Xemmy!" Namine says and Roxas nods. The trio leaves.

"Love is a powerful muse." Xemnas comments.

"More like jealousy dude." Xigbar says from behind the camera.

"Indeed."

**Tape: Xion and the Ice Cream**

"WALK XION!" Xemnas commands.

"You know, this is gettin' pretty old!" Xigbar complains.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Xemnas snarls. Xion's eyes widen.

"You swore." She accuses.

"…….. Come on Xi Xi. Walk please. You love me, right? You love Superior?" Xemnas begs.

"Xi Xi loves Xemmy vewy much!" Xion says.

"Then please walk."

"OKAY!" Xion stands up clumsily.

"HI HI XION!" Axel calls out.

"OH NOT HIM AGAIN!" Xemnas snarls.

"Hi hi!" Roxas waves from Namine's arms.

"hi hi!" Xion waves back.

"Superior, what are you doing?" Namine asks.

"I'm helping Xion walk." Xemnas says.

"Wow! How has she been doing?" Namine asks.

"….She stood up?" Xigbar comments.

"I KNOW HOW TO MAKE HER WALK!!!" Axel says.

"No."

"PICK ME! PICK ME!!!" Axel jumps up and down, waving his hand.

"I SAID NO!" Xemnas says angrily.

"Xi Xi! Look! Ice cream! Yummy yummy!" Axel waves the sea salt ice cream bar he'd been nibbling on at her.

"YAY! ICE CWEAM!" Xion runs for it and takes a huge bite out of the ice cream.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" Xemnas cusses.

"YOU SWORE!" Axel, Xion and Roxas say in unison.

"OH FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! I should just give AXEL this job!" Xemnas complains.

"Yup. It's not as if you're doing it anyways." Xigbar says.

**X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xx x x x x x x X**

**NOt bad, not bad at all.**

**Axel's a genius as a little kid!**

**We still have (according to my note book) Marly, Zexy, Sora, Riri (Riku) and Kairi!**

**Did I miss anyone?**


	16. Zexion and Marluxia Learn to Walk

**Pretty short.**

**X x x x xx x x X**

Tape: Walking Zexion

Castle That Never Was: Library

"Suuperior, I'm booored!" Xigbar complains.

"Be quiet and let me work." Zexion raises an eyebrow and points to Xemnas.

" 'Tupid?" He asks innocently.

"Oooh yeah, buddy. Pretty damn 'tupid." Xigbar laughs.

"XIGBAR!" Xemnas glares at him.

"Hey, he said it first." Xigbar says.

"I'm going to take a leaf from Axel's book-"

"Hang on, Axel has a book?" Xigbar asks.

"Book? Book! Where book?" Zexion asks, smiling excitedly.

"No book buddy. Xemmy's just being 'tupid." Xigbar tells him.

"aww…. Wanna read book with Mommy….." Zexion says sadly.

"What? Mommy? Who's Mommy?" Xemnas asks.

"Mommy is Mommy. My Mommy." Zexion says, as if it was obvious.

"But who's Mommy?!" Xemnas asks again.

"Mommy." Zexion looks at him as if he was insane.

"ARRRGHH! BUT WHAT'S HER NAME?!?" Xemnas asks.

"You're arguing with a baby now? Damn, how the mighty have fallen." Xigbar comments.

"SHUT UP! Who's Mommy?!" Xemnas asks, furiously.

"Superior? What would you like to have for dinner?" Namine asks as she walks in with Axel and his shadow, mini Roxas.

"Mommy." Zexion points to Namine.

"SAY WHAT?!" Xemnas says, shocked.

"Mommy… Mommy have book?" Zexion asks her.

"Yes, we're going to go read a story to you guys. C'mon Zexy." Namine holds her hand out to the little boy.

"Okay, Mommy…. Bye Bye Xemmy, bye bye Xiggy." Zexion toddles over to her and they leave.

"HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Xigbar falls to the floor, laughing his ass off.

"HOW COULD NAMINE BE HIS MOTHER?!?!" Xemnas yells.

"Guess he adopted her, Xemmy." Xigbar chuckles.

"But.. She's not old enough!" Xemnas protests.

"…. Oh yeah she is, if she *censored for comedic reasons* someone at fourteen or thirteen." Xigbar smiles 'innocently'.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!!" Xemnas starts chasing him with an Etheral Blade.

Tape: Marluxia is STILL a Plant Lover

Castle That Never Was: Garden

"….. Uh… Superior?" Xigbar asks, still behind the camera.

"NO! NO COMMENTS!" Xemnas says. Marluxia is playing innocently with a small tree as Xemnas and Xigbar argue.

"BUT THIS SUCKS!"

"I DON'T CARE!"

"Axel's just going to come in an-"

"Hi Hi Superior!" Axel says, Roxas trailing behind him.

"… LEAVE! NOW!" Xemnas commands.

"But… .we wanna play with you…." Axel says, his face heartbroken.

"Lil buddy, run. It's a good idea." Xigbar says.

"I'm helping Marly walk, so LEAVE." Xemnas commands.

"Oh okay! MARLY!" Axel runs up to him and holds out a flower.

"WALK!" Marluxia spots the flower and runs after Axel.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" Xemnas screams.

"Superior! There are children present!" Xigbar says, faking a gasp.


	17. Walking with the Destiny Islands Trio

**I have no idea what this is...**

**KH is not mine, and EN JOY!**

**X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

**Tape: Sora Walks, and Xiggy gets chased**

Castle that Never Was: Garden

"XIGBAR! WHAT'S WITH ALL THESE WEIRD NAMES FOR THE TAPES?!" Xemnas asks.

"Sora, say hi to the camera." Xigbar says.

"Hi hi Camra!" Sora says to the camera and waves happily.

"No CAMERA."

"… HI HI CAMERA!!" Sora says and then waves again.

"Xiiigbar! Answer me!" Xemnas demands.

"Heh. They're blackmail for later." Xigbar smiles evilly.

"So THAT'S why you were willing to do this!" Xemnas realizes.

"Is dere white mail too? And burple mail, and gween mail, and wed mail, and and…" Sora runs out of colors and looks at Xigbar expectantly.

"Sure…. I guess?" Xigbar shrugs.

"Can I have one? A burple mail, and a wed mail, and a blue mail and a-"

"WHATEVER! YES!" Xemnas says, angrily.

"… Xemmy mad." Sora observes.

"Yup. Ignore him, he's 'tupid." Xigbar chuckles.

"Xiigggbar!" Xemnas snaps.

"Alriiight…. Geez." Xigbar groans. Sora giggles.

"Like a mommy an- a daddy!" he teases.

"NO! NEVER EVER EVER EVER!! EVER!" Xemnas protests.

"HELL NO! AS IF!! …….." Xigbar pauses, thinking this over.

"Hey Xemmy! I get top!" Xigbar teases.

"YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!" Xemnas starts chasing him with an Etheral Blade and Sora films them with the camera Xigbar dropped.

"Silly Xiggy and Silly Xemmy playing!" He says cheerfully to the camera. He's holding it upside down, but still managing to capture the chase scene.

"Sowa!" Kairi says suddenly, holding Saix's hand. He'd been forced to play with her and the other girls by Xaldin.

"KAAAAAAAAAAIWWWWIIII!!!" Sora screams in delight and drops the camera. He runs up to her, and the camera captures the scene.

"Wanna play?" She says sweetly.

"Otay!" Sora says and the three start playing tag.

**Tape: Riku the Ninja**

Castle That Never Was: Playroom/ Living room

"Riku! Riiiiku!!!" Erika calls out. They were playing hide and seek.

"…. Shhh…" Riku tells Xemnas.

"Alright, but walk." Xemnas whispers to him. Riku just raises an eyebrow and shakes his head furiously.

"I'll beat up Erika if you don't." Xemnas snaps back. Riku's eyes widen.

"NO HURT 'RIKA!!!" He shouts and then jumps out of his hiding place on the ceiling's corner. He runs down the wall and leaps into his sister's arms. Riku immediately begins to cry.

"IT WORKED!!!" Xemnas shouts in truimph.

"WHAT THE HELL XEMNAS?!?!!" Erika yellls up to him.

"HE WALKED! RIKU WALKED!!!" Xemnas says.

"Yes… AND CAN I GET DOWN NOW?!?" Xigbar says, behind the camera.

"Sure." Xemnas smiles smugly, extremely proud of himself. Riku wipes away a tear, and then glares up at him. He summons a tiny version of Way To The Dawn and slams it up to him.

"OW!!" Xemnas is knocked unconscious and falls down.

"Wiku win." Riku says proudly to Erika.

"…. SOMEONE CALL 911!!!!" She shouts and runs to the phone.

"Heh. He's not good at this…" Xigbar says and pulls out a marker. He begins to doodle on Xemnas's face.

"Naruto!" Xigbar snaps a few pictures and runs.

**Tape: Kairi Is A Crybaby**

"Kairi walk for me." Xemnas says, inspired by his "Success" with Riku.

"No… Scarry…" She says and begins to cry.

"Who? who's scary Kairi?" Xemnas says soothingly. Kairi trembles and points to Xigbar.

"ME?!" xigbar says in shock.

"Xigbar, hide behind this plant." Xenmas pulls up a small tree.

"Fuck you." Xigbar says angrily.

"You swore….. Nami said that was baaaad." Kairi says in a sing song voice.

"………..I'll hit you so GODDAMN FUCKIN' HARD, YOUR FUCKIN' CHILDREN ARE GONNA FEEL IT! COME HERE!" Xigbar says, all his frustration finally catching up to him.

"XIGBAR!" Xemnas snaps at him. Kairi begins to tremble and whimper. And then -

"WAAAAAAAAAH!!" Kairi screams bloody murder (REAALLY FUCKIN' LOUD) and runs for it.

"SUCCESS!" Xemnas says proudly.

"FUCK YOU TOO!" Xigbar snaps at him.

"FUCK YOU!" Xemnas yells.

"FUCK YOUR MOTHER!"

"FUCK YOURS!"

"TOO B AD, I FUCKED YOURS! SHE SUCKS IN BED!!" Xigbar yells violently.

"… What have we learned, childrens?" Axel says to Xion, Sora, Riku, Roxas and the silently sobbing Kairi.

"Xemmy and Xiggy are vewy bad mommies and daddies." Xion says very seriously.


	18. Why Haru Shouldn't Be Left Alone with IV

**Disclaimers: KH ain't mine, and blah blah blah.**

**And this chapter, is all about Haru.**

**We loves you. (well, me and Erika the coauthoress do)**

**x x x x x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

**Tape: Haru, the Stunt Man**

Castle That Never Was: Vexen's Lab

"…. So…. Why don't cha walk buddy?" Xigbar asks, filming.

"Watchin'.." Haru retorts and Vexen smiles.

"He's going to be a scientist." Vexen chuckles.

"Uh huh. Gonna make potions and stuff, to help Daddy." Haru says, proudly.

"Aww… cute, in a scary kinda way." Xigbar comments.

"Where is Superior?" Vexen asks, and keeps working on a way to turn them back to their real ages.

"Where's Sup?!" Haru giggles.

"….. Uhh… Namine has him in Time Out right now." Xigbar laughs.

"Really? Why?" Haru asks interested.

"Well, you see-" Xigbar looks Haru straight in the eye.

"-Xemnas is a very bad little boy. He was mean to your brother, made me cuss out Namine TWICE, took my liquor, made me apologize to Kairi, and…. He's making me take off my eye patch. SEE?! HE'S A TERRIBLE LITTLE BOY AND YOU SHOULD NEVER, AND I MEAN NEVAH, ACT LIKE HIM!!" Xigbar says very seriously.

"…. okay. Don't yell." Haru whispers, his little blue eyes wide in fear.

"XIGBAR!"

"WHAT?! Xemnas is a stupid, stupid little man! And I have to wear this shock collar that shocks me every time I cuss! LOOK! MOTHERFUCKER!" Xigbar falls out of the chair, from an intense electrical pulse that coursed from a small black necklace around his throat.

"YAY!!! AGAIN! AGAIN!" Haru squeals and claps eagerly.

"Glad you like it buddy! … NOW YOU WEAR IT!!" Xigbar picks up the camera and continues to film Haru.

"… Please walk?" Xigbar pleads.

"Nope!" Haru wiggles in the chair, excited for Vexen to continue the experiment.

"Uh…. Vexen?" Xigbar notices a small jar of chemicals beginning to react.

"Shush Xigbar. It's working." Vexen leans in happily.

"…….RUN!" Xigbar retreats to the door and runs out.

"… What's his prob-" Haru's eyes widen and he starts running as Vexen adds the last chemical.

"WAAAAAAAAAAHH OOOOO!!!" Haru leaps, skidding out the door.

_BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!_

"AAAAAAH!!" Haru tumbles as flames explode out of the lab, and he skids, landing directly in front of Erika.

"OH MY GOD!" She yells, her eyes wide as she sees just how big the explosion was.

"DUDE! THAT ROCKED!" Xigbar flashes Haru a thumbs up.

"…. AGAIN! AGAIN!!" Haru cheers.

"… No.. Not again…" A very burnt Vexen walks out of the lab, his clothes, skin, and hair blackened by soot.

"… How do you like your Vexen, medium rare, or extra crispy?" Xigbar chuckles.

"XIGGY! That's not.." Erika begins to giggle.

"Hehehe… he looks like Xemmy…. All brown." Haru whispers to Xigbar.

"Yup. Show him what you can do now, Haru." Xigbar nudges him.

"LOOK DADDY! I CAN WALK!" Haru takes a few steps forward and smiles proudly.

"………….. WHAT HAPPENED?!" Xemnas yells, now out of Time Out.

"I WALKED!" Haru tells him. Xemnas observes the flames.

"Yeah… let's just say Haru knows how to make a big bang." Xigbar grins.

"That is a horrible joke!" Erika says.

"He knows how to.. Um…. Make a firey entrance."

"XIGBAR!" Xemnas warns.

"Haru's walking was a burning success!" Xigbar grins.

"KNOCK IT OFF!"

"Haru is the hottest thing in here, and Vexen got burned!"

"I'M WARNING YOU XIGBAR! IF YOU DON'T QUIT IT, I'LL SHOOT YOU!"

"…….. Damn, I can't think of anymore!" Xigbar groans.

"…. finally.." Xemnas sighs.

"…………………. This was one hell of a firework show!"

"XIGBAR!" Xemnas starts chasing him.

"….. Burning success!" Haru says suddenly.

"YOU INFECTED HIM WITH PUNS!! I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!" Xemnas yells.

"Dude, is that some sorta new disease? Like the Swine?" Xigbar asks.

"NO!"

"…. Then? How'd he get it?! Ohmigawd, im so sorry, Haru. Xemnas infected you." Xigbar scoops up Haru.

"… Bad Xemmy! Bad Motherfucker!" Haru scolds Xemnas.

".. I did NOT teach him that."


	19. How NOT to Punish Axel

**Hmm... this one didn't take that long to write...**

**weird..**

**Kh is not mine! Enjoys people!**

**X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xX**

Playroom that Never Was

"… Xemmy?" Larxene asks, toddling over.

"What?" Xemnas had been sent to the corner again, for cussing out Xigbar and Vexen in front of Haru.

"… I feel funny." She says, and whimpers.

"… You feel funny?" Xemnas asks. Larxene nods.

"… all…. Fuzzy." She says, holding her chest.

"…. NAMINE!! LARXENE DOESN'T FEEL WELL!!" Xemnas yells. He didn't want to be involved.

"……" Namine runs in.

"What's wrong sweetie?" Namine asks, knowing for now she could get away with it.

"… Feel fuzzy." Larxene whimpers.

"… Fuzzy?" Namine asks. Larxene nods.

"Fuzzy here." She points to her heart.

"…" Xemnas and Namine glance at each other.

"Xemnas, you stay there until your 15 minutes are done, I'll take Larxene to Vexen." Namine picks up the whimpering baby and Xemnas sighs.

".. WAIT A SECOND! WHY AM I EVEN LISTENING TO YOU?!" Xemnas yells.

".. Because, I'll kick the living shit out of you if you move." Namine smiles sweetly at him. Xemnas's jaw drops.

"DID SHE JUST-?!"

"……." Axel groans and sits down. Saix also whimpers. And then….

"WHOA!" Xigbar suddenly cries out as Axel and Saix poof into 8 year olds.

"Cool!" Axel says, his hair slightly longer and he grins happily.

"Wow…" Saix looks at his hands and then at his longer blue hair and smiles.

"… LET'S GO MESS WITH XEMMY!!" They both cheer in unison.

Xemnas's Room

"…." Xemnas lies down on his bed.

".. THIS ISN'T FAIR!!! WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ONE PUNISHED?!" He screams, having a tantrum.

"…Xeeeeeemmmmmmyyyy!!" Axel tackles him.

"GAH!" Xemnas falls off the bed, and then Saix hugs him too.

"HI HI SUPERIOR!" He says cheerfully.

"… are you two bigger?" Xemnas asks, noticing how much taller they were.

"… Nooo…" Axel says.

"I don't think so…" Saix echoes.

"…. CAN WE HAVE ICE CREAM FOR DINNER?!" They both ask.

"NO! WE'RE HAVING WHATEVER IVY'S MAKING!" Xemnas yells.

"Um…. Superior?" Namine walks in holding two little kids's hands. One of them had shortly cropped sandy blonde hair, and the other one had slightly longer golden hair.

"..LARXENE?! LUXORD?!"

"Surprise! They got bigger!" Namine says proudly.

".. Hi Superior! Wanna play with me and Larxy?" Luxord, now 6 years old, asks. He had a small deck of Pokemon cards in his hand.

"I don't wanna! I don't like playing stupid ol' cards!" Larxene snaps, now a four year old.

"…." Luxord glares at her.

"WHAT?! I wanna play with Xiggy's gun, maybe he'll let me use it." She grins evilly.

"NO! NO GUNS!" Xemnas yells.

"…. DON'T YELL AT ME MANSEX!!" Larxene snaps.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!" Xemnas snarls.

"YOU'RE STUPID! A DUMMY HEAD!!" She screams and runs off.

"…. I'm gonna go find the dummy head okay?" Luxord troops off after her.

"…." Namine smiles as Axel suddenly measures himself against her.

"I go up to her waist!" Axel says to Saix.

"… I'm taller." Saix says.

"ARE NOT!"

"ARE TOO!" They glare at each other.

"You're just a stupid head. GOT THAT MEMORIZED?!" Axel runs off, mad.

"NAMINE!!! He called me a stupid head!" Saix wails. He buries his face in his arms, and starts to cry.

"…AXEL! COME BACK HERE AND APOLOGIZE TO SAIX!!" Namine yells.

"No!" They both hear the faint voice coming from somewhere in the playroom.

"… Axel?" Larxene and Luxord start playing Pokemon, and with Larxene winning.

"YAY! Pikachu!" She says proudly, taking one of Luxord's coins.

"Larxchu!" Roxas, still a toddler, says. He points to Larxene. Luxord snickers, and Larxene grabs Roxas.

"Go away, you're annoying!" She dumps him on the couch with Sora and Riku.

"… NAMI!!" Roxas cheers, as he notices her.

"Hi Roxy. Where's Axey?" She asks.

"On dah rood!" Roxas says.

"The what?" Xemnas asks.

"… up dere." He points to the ceiling. Axel pokes his head from behind one of the decorations on the ceiling.

"Stupid head! You ratteded me out!" Axel says angrily.

"Sowwy Axey." Roxas says, sadly.

"Come on!" Axel snaps his fingers and Roxas vanishes then reappears next to him.

"ROXAS COME DOWN NOW!!" Namine yells, in fear for the little baby.

"WHEEE!!!" Roxas swings from the corner plate and giggles happily.

"NO! It's our clubhouse! No girls allowed!" Axel says.

"Can I come up?" Xion asks.

"Kay…" Axel snaps his fingers again, and Xion immediately begins to chuck stuff down at Xemnas.

"XION! ROXAS! AXEL! ALL OF YOU! DOWN NOW!" Xemnas screams.

"NEVAH!!! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE!" Axel yells down.

"OH YEAH?! YOU WANNA BET?!" Xemnas yells up at him.

"I WIN!!" Larxene cheers.

"… Darn it… I LET you win!" Luxord says, embarrassed.

"Chyeah right." Larxene rolls her eyes.

"LUXORD! I put ten dollars on Axel." Xigbar says, walking in.

"Deal!" Luxord takes the money and puts it into a small card shaped bank.

"100 on Namine!" Larxene giggles as she pays Luxord.

"okie dokie!" Luxord files the money away.

"YOU'RE COMING DOWN IF I HAVE TO DRAG YOU DOWN LIKE THE LITTLE SCUM THAT YOU ARE!!" Xemnas screams, his face turning red.

"XEMNAS!" Namine scolds.

"… What?!" Xemnas says.

"…. AXEL! If you bring Roxas and Xion back down, I'll give you all sea salt ice cream!" Namine calls out to them.

"FOUR EACH!" Axel, Roxas, and Xion call back down.

"DEAL!" Namine says. Axel grins.

"COWABUNGA!!!" They screamed together and jump.

"OHMYGAWD!!!" Namine catches Roxas and Xemnas unwillingly catches Axel and Xion by being their mattress.

"Nami!!" Roxas cuddles with her.

"Don't EVER do that again okay Roxas? You scared me!" Namine says, and hugs him.

"Okay Nami…"

"Thanks for catchin' us Superior!" Axel says.

"GET OFF!"

"Okay!" Xion crawls off of him and Axel yawns.

"… Can we have our ice cream now?" He asks.

"NO! YOU'RE PUNISHED!" Xemnas scolds him angrily.

"..What?" Axel gets a horrified expression on his face.

"Come with me!" Xemnas puts him on a small chair in the corner of the playroom.

"…………" Axel just looks around.

"I gotta stay on the chair?" He asks Xemnas.

"Yes." Xemnas says very seriously.

"….. Screw this!" Axel gets up and tries to run.

"THAT IS THE LAST STRAW!!" Xemnas yells at the little boy. Axel's eyes widen and he freezes.

"….." Axel gets picked up again and dropped onto the chair.

"STAY THERE AND DON'T YOU GET OFF THAT CHAIR!" Xemnas yells.

".. So what do I do?" Axel asks.

"NOTHING! You're on time out! You're being punished!" Xemnas says very seriously.

"… Okay…" Axel sighs.

"… Pfft." Namine begins to giggle like crazy.

"What?" Xemnas asks her.

"you do know that he's gonna run for it the second you take your eyes off of him, right?" She laughs.

"Tupid Xemmy! Axey gonna run!" Xion tells him.

".. Not if he knows what's good for him!" Xemnas snarls.

"….." Axel sighs again. He starts rocking the chair back and forth.

"AXEL!" Axel stops.

"sorry." He sighs again. Xemnas starts typing on his computer.

"… " Roxas walks up to Axel and sits next to him.

"won't let you get lonely." He says very seriously.

"Roxas, no! He's a bad bad little boy, and you can't talk to him!" Xemnas says, not looking up from his screen.

"………." Roxas looks shocked and then looks at Axel.

"Bad?" He whispers. Axel nods.

"Very bad." He grins. Roxas giggles.

"………… " Xemnas gets up and moves Roxas next to him.

"Stay." He says softly, as if to a puppy.

"…….?" Roxas shrugs and goes off to find Namine.

"….." Axel sighs again and looks around. He very gently steps off the chair. His eyes widen in shock.

"XEMMY!! LOOK!! IT'S A MIRABULL!!" Axel screams, waving his arms up and down in excitement and jumping around.

"AXEL! I SAID THAT YOU COULDN'T GET UP!" Xemnas yells. Namine, Roxas, Xion, and Saix all giggle quietly.

"I KNOW! BUT LOOK! I'M OFF DAH CHAIR!" Axel says, and waves around him.

"DO NOT GET UP. Got that?" Xemnas says, sticking him back on the chair.

"………Kay." Axle starts rocking back and forth on his butt, one look from Xemnas and he stops.

"……….Sigh…" Axel says, and then sighs.

"Did he just say sigh and then sighed?" Xemnas asks.

"I didn't hear anything." Namine says.

".. Never mind then." Xemnas keeps typing.

"… "Axel scoots the chair forward slightly. His eyes brighten and he chuckles evilly. He grabs the bottom of the chair and starts hopping around. He bumps into Xemnas and keeps hopping.

"AXEL! WHY CAN'T YOU BE A GOOD LITTLE BOY LIKE SAIX?!?!" Xemnas screams. Saix looks up from Namine teaching him how to read and then he shrugs and goes back to the picture book.

"CAUSE I'M NOT AN ASS KISSER!" Axel yells back.

"WHO THE FU- FREAK TAUGHT YOU THAT!?!"

"… Din-Din!" Axel says, using the little kids's nickname for Xaldin.

"I'M GONNA KILL HIM!" Xemnas leaves, running for the "dorms" to kill Xaldin.

"Does this mean I'm not bad no more?" Axel asks Namine.

"Nope, you're a good boy now." Namine says with a smile.

"Can we go make cookies?" Saix asks shyly.

"Sure!" they all walk to the kitchen to make them.

**x x x x x x x x x x x xx x x xx x x x xxxx X**

**Just one of the many randomness in my notebook.**

**hope you liked it!**


	20. Making Cookies

**Okay, this was just an excuse for me to use a certain line.**

**Disclaimers: Cookies, Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy and anything else is not mine in this filler.**

**So, you can ignore this chapter.**

**X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

**Castle That Never Was**

**Kitchen That Never Was**

"I'm going to teach you to make cookies, okay Axel? Okay, Saix?" Namine says. They nod.

"Yes ma'ams!" They say in unison.

"Okay…. The first thing you do is look at the recipe. What does it say to use?" Namine hands the cookbook to Saix.

"I wanna read!" Axel says, immediately getting jealous.

"Both of you read!" Xemnas snaps, he was paying bills at the kitchen table.

"What does it say?" Namine asks, calmly. She was used to Axel's hyperness.

"Ummm….. 2 cups of flour!" Axel says, squinting at the book. Namine measures it out, dumping into a bowl.

"What next?"

"NAAAAMIEE!! XIGGY WON'T STOP HITTIN' ME!!" Larxene yells, running in. she takes in the sight of Axel and Saix in long aprons and immediately cracks up.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! YOU'RE GIRLS!! GIRLIE GIRLS!!" She howls with laughter. Axel narrows his eyes at her, and hops off the chair.

"Says who?! I can still beat ya up, Pikachu!" He says angrily.

"OH YEAH?!"

"YEAH!" They glare at each other.

"Xemnas!" Namine protests.

"No fighting!" Xemnas says without looking up from the electricity bill.

"Namine? Xaldy said to go bother you…. What are you doing?" Luxord asks, coming in.

"We're making cookies!" Saix says proudly, showing them the recipe in the book.

"WE WANNA HELP!" Luxord and Larxene immediately say.

"Okay… Hang on, I'll get some more aprons so you don't get your clothes dirty." Namine finds some and ties them onto the pair. They grin and then hop up on the counter. Namine washes their hands, and they get to work.

"Okay… We have flour. What next?" Namine asks.

"Namie? I wanna helps!" Roxas says from the high chair by the kitchen table.

"Sure Roxas! You can help break the eggs." Namine tells him. He perks up, pleased at the thought of breaking something.

"… Dem Dem wanna help!" Demyx says, toddling in.

"Okay…. You can… um… Help put in the chocolate chips." Namine says, thinking fast.

"Otay!" Demyx says, pleased with his new job.

"What now Namine?" Luxord asks, glancing at the recipe. Since he couldn't read quite yet, he had no idea what it said.

"The baking soda. That orange box, Larxene." Larxene hands it to her and then scrunches her forehead up in confusion.

"There's gonna be SODA? Like Coca Cola?" Larxene makes a face.

"No, Orange! I like orange!" Axel chimes in.

"Umm… It's not that kind of soda." Namine tries to explain.

"…. 'One teaspoon salt'." Saix reads out loud.

"YUCK! I don't wanna eat these cookies!" Luxord says immediately.

"I will! I like salt!" Demyx and Roxas chime in, excited.

"….Like ice cweams!" Roxas says, happily bouncing in his high chair.

"Umm…. You won't taste the salt." Namine says. She puts it in, and then hands the bowl to Luxord.

"You stir it, until it's all one color, okay?"

"Okay!" Luxord dutifully stirs until it turns a consistent white.

"… Butter!" Saix says, he became the keeper of the cookbook.

"Butter!" Axel dumps in the small cup of butter in the bowl Namine was holding.

"Sugar!" Saix says, listing the next ingredient.

"Sug.. Ars!!" Demyx sings, tossing in the sugar that Namine had handed him into the bowl.

"…… BROWN sugar!" Saix commands.

"… Brown?" Larxene shrugs and flings it in anyway.

"Okay, Axel. You push this button and it's gonna stir for you." Namine puts the bowl in the mixer and shows Axel how to work it.

"…. FAST!" Axel jabs his finger on the fastest mixing button.

"Axel, no!" The mixture splatters all over him, Larxene, Roxas, Luxord and Saix.

"……. AGAIN!" Roxas giggles, licking at the sweet mixture on his hands.

"……. Umm… I think we have enough." Namine says, wiping her hands on the apron. She transfers the bowl to another counter.

"….. Sticky…." Larxene says, rubbing her hands on the apron.

"Eggs!"

"ME! ME!! Me Namie!!" Roxas pleads. She holds him up to another bowl, and he slams the first egg into it.

"Hey! I wanna do that!" Axel says, grumpily.

"… Roxas, like this." Namine guides his hand to gently break the second egg.

"Ooooh….. LIKE THIS!" He slams a third egg into the bowl, knocking it onto Larxene's head. She snarls, and shakes off the egg yolks and the bowl.

"I'M GONNA BEAT YA UP, STUPID BABY!" She snarls at him.

"Sowwy Larxy." Roxas says sweetly, giving her a rapid hug around the neck.

"….. You better be." She huffs, turning back to the cookie dough.

"Demyx, you want to try?" Namine asks.

"Otays! Like this!" Demyx cracks the egg open expertly and drops it into the bowl. He does the second egg and hands it to Namine.

"Vanillas!"

"Axel, you do-"

"Namie? Are you makin' cookies?" Xion asks, her eyes wide.

"…Do you wanna help Xi Xi?!" Axel asks. She nods rapidly and Namine scoops her up.

"Here, the vanilla. Put it into the bowl, Xion." Namine tells her.

"Smells pretty…" Xion comments, as she puts the dark liquid into the bowl.

"Axel, you mix… and SLOWLY this time." Namine warns.

"Okay… No fasties." Axel mixes the mixture in the mixer until Namine orders him to stop.

"Luxord, give me the flour."

"…. What flower?"

"… The bowl you were mixing."

"Oh! Here." Luxord hands her the bowl, he was now covered in white dust.

"Oooooh, Luxy's a ghostie! Ooooh!!!" Xion moans in a ghost impersonation.

"CHOCOLATE!!" Saix says triumphantly.

"… I WANT SOME!" Everyone begs. Namine sighs.

"… A little, okay? We need it for the cookies." She hands a few chocolate chips to everyone, and they happily munch away. Namine puts it in, and then mixes. She gives each kid a spoon and lets them dump the mixture into awaiting cookie sheets.

"I wanna light the oven!" Axel says.

"…. It's an elec-"

"BURN BABY BURN!" Axel lights the oven on fire.

"…." Namine gets the fire extinguisher and then properly heats up the oven.

ONE HOUR LATER

"COOOOOKIEEEESSSS!!!"

"!!" Axel screams.

"WHAT?!"

"I made you a cookie!" Axel shouts, holding up a plate.

"Why than-…. What cookie?" Xemnas says, eyeing the empty plate.

"But I eated it."


	21. Dolls and Dinnertime

**Hiya guys!**

**Disclaimers: All randomness came from my head, as crazy as that place is. However, Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy and anything else is probably owned by either Disney or Square Enix. Or possibly McDonald's. they own pretty much EVERYTHING.**

**X x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

**Castle That Never Was**

"I am sooooo bored." Xigbar complains. He starts cleaning his Arrowgun for the fifth time.

"You're not the one on babysitting duty." Xaldin snarls, glaring at a tiny Marluxia.

"…… Flower?" Marluxia says innocently. He holds out a daisy.

"NO I DO NOT WANT A FUCKIN' FLOWER YOU LITTLE NEOPHYTE!" Xaldin screams. Marluxia responds by ducking behind the couch in fear.

"XALDIN!" Mrs. Minami warns.

"YOU WANT SOMETHING?!" Xaldin growls. She glares at him and picks up the sobbing Marluxia.

"It's okay, baby…. Rasta man isn't going to hurt you." She takes him away.

"… ONE MORE PERSON CALLS ME RASTA MAN AND I'M GOING TO-"

"Hi Rasta man! Hi Xiggy!" Axel greets them with a cheerful grin.

"Hi hi!" Roxas waves to them as Axel's been put in charge of the toddler.

"Hey shorties! What's shakin'?" Xigbar asks.

"Xaldy fwom tewwible anger." Roxas says, pointing.

"…… HEY!" Xigbar suddenly realizes something.

"Wha?" Axel says, looking around. He didn't see anything weird.

"Roxas… How old are you?" Roxas holds up 3 fingers.

"This many!"

"Roxas! I didn't know it was your birthday!" Axel complains, crossing his arms and resenting the fact that he probably missed the cake and ice cream.

"Oh! He's getting bigger! … Where's Xi Xi?" Xigbar asks.

"… Playing dolls with Kairi and Larxy." Axel tells him.

"….Larxene playing dolls. … I GOTTA SEE THIS!"

**Larxene's Room (Temporarily the Girls' Room)**

"Larxene! You can't do that to the dollie!" Kairi protests, staring in shock.

"Sooo? I'm bigger, I can kill it!" Larxene says, shoving the rest of the Barbie into a toy oven. She somehow rigged it to ACTUALLY work and to be able to fry stuff inside.

"Shoulda figured." Xigbar says, peeking into the room.

"UNCLE XIIIGGGGYYYY!!!" Xion squeals, tackling his legs.

"Hey, squirt! Larxy acting good?" He asks, picking her up in a big hug.

"She fried Barbie, and Ken, and Bubbles too!" Xion whispers.

"….. Wooow….. Bubbles huh?" Xigbar says, grinning.

"I don't like Powerpuff girls." Larxene states and points to the charred remains of what used to be a Bubbles doll.

"….I should probably tell Xemnas…. But this is WAY too funny." Xigbar sits down and watches Larxene fry some more toys in the oven.

"Larxy! This one next!" Xion hands over a small plush bunny. Larxene smiles diabolically as she cranks up the oven.

"Girls! It's dinnertime!" Mrs. Minami calls out.

"Oooh, dinner!" Larxene unplugs the toy oven and rushes off to the dining room. Kairi picks up a doll she didn't want Larxene to fry and hides it. Xion picks up a toy panda and makes Xigbar carry her to the dinner table.

**Dining Room That Never Was**

"….Superior?" Vexen asks, his voice cracking.

"What?"

"… You have a zit." Xaldin says, laughing at the tomato red pimple that had shown up on Xemnas's nose.

"AAAH!!! XEMNAS IS GONNA DIE!" Saix and Axel yell, thinking that the ordinary zit was a flesh eating virus. (Blame Xaldin and Vexen for that one).

"I AM NOT!" Xemnas yells at them.

"…. Xemmy gonna die." Xion whispers to Kairi. Kairi nods.

"Xemmy's gonna die." Kairi whispers to Luxord. The message travels down the line to reach Axel.

"…. Vexy has hair dye?" Axel questions, looking confused.

"I DO NOT!" Vexen retorts, his voice raising several octaves because of the whole puberty thing.

"Hahahaha! Again!" Demyx giggles, clapping.

"Superior, I've done some research-"

"Pass the carrots, Roxy!" Axel commands. Roxas reaches over from his high chair and flings a small carrot at Axel. Axel catches it and starts chewing on it.

"As I was saying-"

"I want one too!" Roxas throws a second carrot to Xion who doesn't catch and Larxene gets whapped in the face with it.

"I'M GONNA!" Larxene snarls, when Roxas pulls out a stuffed toy for protection. She freezes at the sight of the tiny doll.

"Pfft, Roxy plays with dollies!" Marluxia laughs, causing spontaneous flowers to sprout around his chair.

"But… I found it in Larxy's room." Roxas says, glancing at the tattered rag doll.

"GIMME BACK TINA!" Larxene leaps over the table and snatches the doll from Roxas's grip. She twirls around and takes her seat again. She gives a furious glare to anyone who might have wanted to comment on her favorite toy.

"As I WAS TRYING TO SAY…. We're getting older, Superior." Vexen says.

"…. I realize that, Vexen." Xemnas comments, shaking his head. For someone so smart, Vexen was usually an idiot.

"NO! I mean that the children have GROWN. Axel, how old are you?" Vexen questions.

"….8?" Axel shrugs.

"Roxas?"

"3!"

"Xion?"

"… Uhhh….2!"

"Larxene? What is your age?"

"None of your darn business, that's what!" Larxene snaps.

"I rest my case." Vexen says, smiling triumphantly.

"… I see. And everyone's getting-" Roxas starts crying.

"What? Are you okay, Roxas?" Namine asks immediately.

"Chair hurts!" She removes him from the high chair and gives him his old seat back. He sits up proudly in it, feeling like a big boy.

"May I conduct some experiments with the younglings?" Vexen requests.

"Go ahead. While you're at it, find a way to get rid of pimples." Xemnas scowls as Roxas and Xion stare at the small volcano on his face. Xion looks as if she might want to poke it and Roxas looks like he wants to pop it. Either way, Xemnas wasn't letting them near his face.

"Try Proactive." Xaldin advises jokingly.

"I'm not playing 20 bucks for that crap!"

"Then make Vexen make you some." Xigbar says, snatching Larxene's "Tina" doll when she wasn't looking.

"Tomorrow, I shall take the younglings and teach them necessary skills!" Vexen announces to no one in particular.

"We gonna die! Another day! We gonna die! Another day!" Xion sings, banging her spoon against her plate as the little kids stare at each other in horror.


	22. Why Xigbar Should Never Teach Babies

**Hiya guys!**

**Disclaimers: All randomness came from my head, as bizarre as that place is. Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy and anything else is probably owned by either Disney or Square Enix. And I'm not Nomura the last time I checked. **

**Enjoy the randomness!**

**X x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

**Castle That Never Was**

"Awaken, Roxas! Axel! Luxord! Marluxia! Saix!" Vexen shouts into a bullhorn. The small group, camped out in the game room so someone could keep an eye on them, all simultaneously fall out of bed.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Axel yells, glaring sleepily at Vexen.

"WAKE UP!" Vexen shouts into Axel's ear, causing Axel to skid into the wall from the sheer air pressure.

"… That is a scary toy." Marluxia whispers, clutching at a small plushie bunny.

"…. NO VEXY! Be nice! Like Demy!" Demyx scolds him, holding up a plastic sitar.

"…. WAKE UP!" Vexen yells at him, causing the little boy to burst into tears.

"We're going swimming." Lexaeus says, coming up behind Vexen.

"SWIMMING?!" All the little boys cry in joy, jumping out of bed and running to the kitchen for breakfast.

"…… How in the worlds did you do that, Lexaeus?" Vexen asks, curious.

"Three little brothers."

"Truly? Where are they?"

"…. Died." Lexaeus walks out of the room, a smirk on his face at the shocked look on Vexen's face. His brothers were actually fine.

**Kitchen That Never Was**

"Get out cereal." Xaldin orders Namine. Namine nods and puts Xion into her chair. Larxene sat next to her as Namine was putting out the boys's favorite sugary breakfast foods.

"HI HI NAMINE!" Everyone crowds into their chairs and wait eagerly for their food.

" Can I have candy for breakfast?" Roxas asks innocently.

"No." Xaldin hands him a bowl of raisin bran and sets him at the table. Roxas looks at the mushy brown cereal and flips it to the floor when Xaldin wasn't looking. He smiles sweetly when Xaldin turned around.

"Xi Xi did it." Roxas points to the singing Xion, who was humming 'If Everyone Cared' by Nickleback.

"If everyone cared…. Nobody'd cry! If everyone loved… Nobody'd die!" Xion says in a sing songy voice.

"But I don't wanna die!" Axel shouts, cramming his mouth full of Corn Pops.

"I don't want to cry." Saix says, looking concerned.

"… Sing Poker Face!" Luxord suggests with a grin. Xion clears her throat and starts playing with her Cheerios again.

"P-P-Poke her face! Gotta poke her face!" Xion says, poking at Larxene. Larxene bites her and then, ignoring Xion's wail of pain, turns back to her bowl of Cocoa Puffs.

"We all shall go swimming!" Vexen announces again, carrying Haru.

"… We gonna die! Another day! We gonna die! Another-" Xion starts singing but Vexen glares at her and then she shuts up from sheer terror.

"We shall be going to the public swimming pool in Twilight Town, since Demyx's is much too deep for teaching." Vexen says. Larxene stares at him as if he was insane.

"I thought you was gonna kill us! Just swimmin'? No problems." Larxene says snootily and then starts flicking Puffs at Demyx.

"She's hittin' me!" Demyx protests and then makes the glass of water next to her explode and spray her. Larxene snarls, electricity sparking wildly around her and she manages to summon a Foudre. A smaller one, but a Foudre.

"LARXENE! DEMYX! NO FIGHTING!" Xemnas commands in a harsh voice. They both freeze, and then simultaneously start laughing their little heads off.

"…… I still have the zit, don't I?" Xemnas says, lightly touching his nose.

"I-I-I didn't even n-notice, s-s-sir." Vexen says, trying very hard not to laugh.

"Um, I have breakfast!" Namine says quickly, shoving a plate of French Toast into Xemnas's hands and then making the little ones hurry up.

"I loves toasties!" Xion tells her as Namine picks her up to get her changed.

"I know… You threw about 10 pieces of toast on the floor yesterday." Namine says.

"… I was littler!" Xion protests angrily and Larxene and Kairi follow Namine to get ready.

_A few hours later_

**Twilight Town Pool**

"Alright everyone! I, Xigbar and Lexaeus will all be teaching you to swim." Vexen says, dressed in an old fashioned swimming suit. Xigbar just had on a t-shirt and some shorts and Lexaeus had on swimming trunks.

"……" The kids were all dressed in swim suits and awaiting orders.

"…. " Lexaeus tugs on Vexen's arm and whispers something in his ear.

"… WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO SWIM?!" Vexen says, turning around angrily. Lexaeus blushes and says nothing.

":…. I'll be teaching Lexaeus to swim; Xigbar, you teach the younglings." Vexen mutters darkly to himself and then shoves Lexaeus into the pool and starts showing him some basic strokes.

"…Uhh… Me?" Xigbar says nervously eyeing the young kids. Demyx was already hyper and excited. Axel looked as if he might run, Larxene looked as if she wanted die. Everyone else was waiting patiently for Xigbar to start teaching them.

"C'mon Uncla Xiggy! We awaitin'!" Xion tells him impatiently.

"Okay! I'll teach you how my old man taught me! I need a volunteer." Xigbar says. Roxas and Demyx step forward.

"Okay, Roxy. Come here, lil dude." Xigbar picks him up and carries him to the very edge of the pool just before where the water starts.

"Don't drop me." Roxas requests, hanging onto Xigbar's neck.

"Nah, I won't drop ya! Now, do you trust uncle Xiggy?" Xigbar questions. Roxas thinks for a moment and then nods.

"Yes." Roxas tells him, smiling sweetly.

"Good!" Xigbar rips Roxas's arms from his throat and then throws him viciously into the pool.

"OH MY GOD!" Axel says, his eyes wide.

"H-H-Help!" Roxas wails, kicking and waving his arms furiously.

"SWIM OR DIE, SHORTIE! C'MON KICK YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" Xigbar yells, pulling out his Sharpshooter. He fires a single shot into the water, right next to Roxas. Roxas manages to doggie paddle all the way to the shallow part of the pool and pulls himself out. Xigbar smiles and then turns to the group.

"So…Who's next?" He asks, a mischievous grin on his face. Everyone shoves Larxene forward. Larxene trembles slightly and then glares at Xigbar defiantly.

"I'm n-not scared!" she tells him and then he picks her up.

"Uh huh. Well, this is how you swim." He very carefully gets in and makes her float. After a few minutes, he starts showing her the strokes to the doggie paddle.

"….WHAT THE FREAK?! No fair!" Roxas gasps out, his face red from all the paddling. Larxene gets out, and smiles smugly at Roxas.

".. Why did ya teach her like that?" Axel asks suspiciously.

"Cause. She's a girl. You gotta treat them nicer than guys." Xigbar says.

"But she's a WITCH!" Demyx protests.

"You next buddy!" Xigbar picks him up and tosses him into the pool. Demyx, being Demyx of course, swims with perfect ease and even shows off by doing a butterfly stoke.

"I can swims!" Demyx says, coming out of the pool.

"Little bastard…. Okay, Axel next!"

"WAIT WHAT?!" Axel gets thrown into the pool.

"……" A few minutes later, Xigbar rescues him. Axel gives him a vicious glare and then sneezes.

"Let's keep going, kay?"

_A few hours later_

"…. How did it go?" Xemnas asks, watching the beat up kids.

"Well… they know how to swim now." Xigbar says innocently.

"And how ta drown!" Axel says, having numerous tiny cuts and a few bruises from smacking into the bottom of the pool.

"XIIIGBAR!"

"………." Xigbar makes a run for it as Xemnas chases him.

"… They're STILL not good mommies and daddies." Xion comments and everyone nods in agreement.


	23. Diabolical Plans?

**Hiya guys!**

**Disclaimers: All randomness came from my head, as bizarre as that place is. Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy and anything else is probably owned by either Disney or Square Enix. And I'm not Nomura the last time I checked. **

**Enjoy the randomness!**

**X x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

**Castle That Never Was**

"Today we shall teach them how to read!" Vexen says. The kids all glare at him.

"SHUT UP! WE DON'T LIKE YOU!" Axel shouts, summoning a mini-Chakram and throwing it. Vexen expertly catches it and destroys it with a swipe of his Frozen Pride shield.

"Any questions?" He says coldly. Everyone shakes their heads no.

"Good! We shall be in the library." Everyone follows him, unwillingly. Unsurprisingly, Zexion and Lexaeus were already there, browsing through a huge book on Lexaeus's lap.

"… Next page!" Zexion requests, tapping on the page. Lexaeus continues reading out loud to the tiny boy.

"in·sig·ni·a

**in·sig·ni·a **[in sígnee ə](_plural_ **in·sig·ni·a**_ or _**in·sig·ni·as**)

_n_

**1. official symbol: **a badge of authority or membership of a group

2. **identifying mark: **an identifying mark or sign

[Mid-17th century. Latin (plural) _insignis_ "marked" _signum_ "sign"]" Lexaeus reads calmly as Zexion listens carefully.

"Are you readin' the dictionary?" Xion asks. Zexion nods.

"There's lots of magnificent words in here!"

"…. You're tupid." Xion says, looking through the picture books.

"This is the letter A." Vexen begins as he writes it down.

"For Axel." Axel retorts immediately.

"…. Yes, for Axel." Vexen decides to go with it.

"And B's for…?"

"BIGRAX!" Sora says, clapping his hands delighted.

"… C is for…?"

"Compost." Marluxia tells him.

"D?"

"Defender!" Kairi remarks happily.

"E?"

"Umm……. Egg!" Riku says after thinking for a minute.

"I don't like eggs…." Demyx says, looking concerned.

"…. F?"

"FREAKIN' FAIL!" Saix and Axel say in unison.

"G?"

"….. GUN!" Larxene says immediately.

"H?"

"Haru!" Haru says, flipping through a picture book.

"NO, it's not! It's for house!" Riku tells him angrily.

"IS NOT!"

"IS TOO!" The two glare at each other.

"It's for hotdog!" Sora immediately puts in. They both in unison smack him in the head and continue their debate. Sora starts to cry but immediately gets soothed by his mom.

"…. I?"

"SEA SALT ICE CREAM!" Roxas and Xion scream in unison.

"… Well, there IS an I in there." Vexen says, shrugging.

"….. Are you just gonna teach us the alphamabet?" Demyx asks angrily.

"Yes." Vexen says, turning the page in the giant ABC's book he was holding.

"YOU'RE 'TUPID!" All of the little kids yell in unison and leave.

"Pfft." Lexaeus tries to keep from laughing, but quickly fails and falls to the ground, clutching his chest from all the laughter.

**Playroom That Never Was**

"… We's gonna kill Vexen." Axel plans diabolically.

"How?" Larxene asks, sounding interested.

"…. I KNOW! We drop a house on 'em!" Kairi suggests. They had watched the Wizard Of Oz the day before.

"…. The flying monkeys!" Roxas suggests next.

"AAAH! WHERE?!??!?!" Xion screams and dives under the couch. Somehow she had become afraid of monkeys.

"… We turns him into a frog!" Demyx says, holding up a storybook that Namine had given him. Unbeknownst to Vexen, Namine had taught them how to read long before.

"Nah… A CHICKEN!" Saix says, grinning evilly.

"Oh! A chocobo!" Sora says, clapping his hands in delight. All the kids glance at each other.

"Chocobo!" Xion cheers, emerging from the couch.

"Flying monkeys." Axel tells her.

"EEEEP!" She dives under the couch cushions again.

"How bouts a flower? Like in Sleepin' Beauty?" Marluxia asks. He sighs, already picturing the pretty roses.

"That's stupid." Luxord tells him. Marluxia glares at him viciously.

"IS NOT!" Marluxia looks like he's about to burst into tears.

"IS TOO!" Luxord taunts, grinning cruelly.

"I-I-IS NOT!!" Marluxia screams, zapping Luxord into a petunia.

"What princess is tupid enough to kiss Vexy?" Demyx questions thoughtfully.

"A BLONDE princess!" Axel laughs. All the blondes in the room turn and glare at him.

"…. I mean….. RUN!" He runs, with Larxene, Luxord the petunia, Roxas and Demyx all chasing him.

After a small chase throughout the kitchen, backyard that never was, and Luxord's Bar That Doesn't Matter To Anybody But Him (LBTDMTABH for short...ish), they go back to their plans of world domination… uh, Vexen PWNage.

"Okay! So we gonna…" they whisper quietly to themselves and continue scribbling down their plans on construction paper and with Crayola crayons.

"BREAK!" They all head off for the "Tools".

"…. Vexen, you're goin' down, man." Xigbar laughs. He'd been eavesdropping the whole time. He picks up one of the plans and scans it.

"… How the fuck is this English? Is it Japanese or somethin'?" Xigbar questions, staring at the scribbles.


	24. Out For Blood

**Well, thanks to my copy of Home Alone 3, this came to be.**

**Disclaimers: All ideas came from my head, Disney, Square Enix and whatever company owns the Home Alone movies get all the credit.**

**Enjoy the randomness!**

**X x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

**Castle That Never Was**

"You do realize they're out for blood, correct?" Xaldin asks as Vexen measures his height. Xaldin looked about a year older which pleased him very much. The younger members didn't grow as fast, as they still had too few years to catch up. Or something like that, Vexen hadn't been very clear.

"They're CHILDREN, Three. I am not afr-" Something crunches underneath Vexen's foot. He glances down and then lifts his loafer to check. He picks up a small glass marble.

"What the hell?" Xaldin says, taking it from him.

"You said it'd work!" They hear Axel hiss.

"I thought it would!" Saix whispers back as they both run for it.

"See? Nothing more than a childish prank." Vexen laughs, and then throws the marble away.

"May I remind you that they are not ordinary children?" Xaldin tells him.

"Oh nonsense. What harm could they possibly inflect?"

One of the Many Staircases that Don't Exist

"Sssshh!" Roxas whispers as he finishes lugging the paint can from the second basement. He gives it to Luxord. He in turns give it to Larxene who gives it to Axel. Axel then throws a rope up to Saix who was on the ceiling and they make a rope trap. Then as a coupe de grace, they attach the paint can to the rope.

"Hark, by the prickling of my thumbs! Something evil this way comes!!" Xion sings loudly. Namine had read Macbeth to Zexion who in turn read a version for dummies to Xion.

"OPERATION HOME ALONE IS A GO!" They all scatter and hide.

"Honestly, you're overestimating the neophytes. Most of them are barely out of DIAPERS!" Vexen laughs. Roxas and Xion frown. Sora, Riku, and Kairi all look severely angry, while Haru looks embarrassed for his parent.

"Sorry Daddy…" Haru whispers to himself.

WHAM! Vexen goes flying as a 2 gallon paint can slams into his face, knocking him over and slamming him into the wall.

"YAY!" The kids scream and then run to prepare the next prank.

"…. I warned you." Xaldin says smugly.

"Don't say it." Vexen snarls through his broken nose.

"I told you so." Xaldin laughs.

**Kitchen That Never Was**

"Oh my god, what happened, Vexen?" Namine asks. Xion was innocently helping Namine prepare the next snack for the rest of the kids.

"ASK XION." Vexen snarls.

"… Xi Xi doesn't know what Vexy's talkin' about." Xion says sweetly.

"YES YOU DO! YOU HELPED THEM, DIDN'T YOU, YOU LITTLE BRAT?!" Vexen demands, glaring viciously at her.

"……. NAAAAMIII!!! VEXY'S SCARY!!" Xion wails, hiding behind Namine.

"Vexen! Don't accuse her like that! She's only a toddler!" Namine picks Xion up and comforts her. Xion sniffles and grins maliciously at Vexen behind Namine's shoulder.

"SHE'S GRINNING! THAT LITTLE MONSTER'S SMILING DIABOLICALLY AT ME!!" Vexen screams. Xion pulls away from Namine's shoulder and shakes her head innocently.

"Vexy goin' cuckoo for cocoa puffs." Xion comments adorably, then snuggles back into Namine's shoulder.

"Vexen, I think you should go lie down. Maybe you have a fever." Namine suggests.

"I DO NOT HAVE A FEVER! THEY'RE OUT TO GET ME!!" Vexen screams, his normally pale face turning bright red with fury. Axel and Roxas come in.

"Hi Hi Vexen! What happened to your face?" Axel says, with a slightly mischievous grin.

"OH NO YOU DON'T! YOU DID THIS! YOU BOTH DID! WHO HELPED YOU?! KAIRI?! SORA?! WHO, DAMMIT WHO?!" Vexen screams.

"…. Are you sayin' that WE did this? But we're LITTLE, Vexen! How could we?" Axel says, blinking rapidly.

"You're crazy." Roxas says briefly, sucking at his thumbnail.

"I AM NOT! I'M NOT!!" Vexen screams, throwing a tantrum. He goes to the stairs leading up to the Game Room and slips.

"Vexen!" Namine says as Vexen slips all the way down to the basement. She puts Xion on the counter and goes to help old man Vexen.

"…. It worked." Xion says, quietly giggling behind her hands.

"Hey… If he's ice, then how'd he not notice the ice cubes?" Axel questions, looking puzzled.

"Did Luxord put up the trap outside?" Roxas asks, still nibbling at his thumbnail.

"Uh huh! He put it up with the flowers in Mar-Mar's garden!" Xion says, still giggling.

"Okay! Then all we's gotta do is get him outside…" Axel mutters to himself.

"Vexen, here.. Let me help you." Namine helps drag Vexen back up into the kitchen.

"YOU LITTLE MONSTERS!!" Vexen screams.

"He's crazy!" Axel shouts, and they all run for it.

"VEXEN!! STOP ACCUSING THE KIDS!" Namine says, smacking him with a wooden spoon.

"THEY'RE EVIL! I SWEAR ON MY LIFE THEY ARE!! YOU BELIEVE ME, DON'T YOU NAMINE?!" Vexen pleads, his eyes developing an insane gleam.

"S-Sure… I believe you." Namine says, while reaching for a small hypodermic needle with her other hand. She swiftly stabs it into Vexen's shoulder and gives him a full dose of a knock out drug.

"… Shhh…. Go to sleep… little crazy mad scientist." Namine says softly as she places him at the table.


	25. Vexen Learns His Lesson

**Thank you guys for the suggestions on the Vexen PWNage.**

**Disclaimers: All ideas came from my head, Disney, Square Enix and whatever company owns the Home Alone movies get all the credit.**

**Enjoy the randomness!**

**OH! And to Johnny River who wrote the song that Xion sings later on.**

**I am about to drive Vexen insane… through song. **

**And what these kids will do to get what they want… no matter how stupid it is. **

**X x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

**Castle That Never Was**

"Vexen… You need to stop working so hard." Xemnas says soothingly as he helps Vexen outside.

"But… But… they're out to get me! I know it!" Vexen protests softly. Xemnas puts him in a chair in a shady tent in the Backyard That Never Was and gives him a cool drink.

"Relax. Nobody's out to get you, Four." Xemnas says paternally and then Xion runs up to him.

"XEEEMNAS!! Wanna see what me and Demy did?" Xion says, and then smiles sweetly at Vexen. He glares viciously at her.

"Sure, sweetie, what is it?" Xemnas picks her up and hugs her. She hugs him back.

"We made a song to sing for poor sicky Vexen! Wanna hear it?" Xion asks.

"Of course we would… Right Vexen?" Xemnas says.

"… I suppose…" Vexen mutters back.

"Goodie! It's called Secret Agent Man!" Xion says loudly, clearing her throat. Demyx runs up and starts strumming his miniature Arpeggio.

"That's the cue guys!" Axel says to his awaiting team.

There's a man who leads a life of danger,

To everyone he meets he stays a stranger!" Xion sings in a slightly deeper voice.

"I love this song!" Xemnas says, relaxing into a lawn chair. Vexen's eyes widen as he sees Sora and Roxas carefully make their way across a windowsill into the room inside.

"…Superior…." Vexen grabs Xemnas's sleeve to try to make him see the two.

"What?"

"I'm not done!" Xion complains, and continues to sing.

"With every move he makes another chance he takes,

Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow!" Xion and Demyx sing in unison. Behind them, Axel and Larxene slip into the room as Roxas and Sora climb back out with giant pails of sand.

"XEMNAS!" Vexen protests.

"Secret agent man, secret agent man!" Demyx says, bopping slightly to the beat.

"They've given you a number and taken away your name….

Beware of pretty faces that you find;

A pretty face can hide an evil mind!

Ah, be careful what you say,

Or you'll give yourself away!" Xion says, continuing the song. Axel scrambles out of the room clutching a small box. Larxene comes out with what looks like the insides of a television.

"SUPERIOR!! THEY'RE AT THE WINDOW!" Vexen screams, pointing. The moment Xenmas looks, Axel and Larxene had already thrown the items to Luxord and Marluxia and scrambled back into the room. Sora and Roxas were all perched where Xemnas couldn't see them.

"AHEM!" Xion taps her foot as she waits for them to finish.

"Sorry… Uncle Vexy's not feeling well, Xi Xi." Xemnas apologizes.

"Odds are you won't live to see tomorrow!

Secret agent man, secret agent man!" Demyx and Xion harmonize, as Axel slips back into the room, and carries out a number of medical supplies. Vexen realizes now that it's his own LABORATORY, those fiends!

"They've given you a number and taken away your name…." Xion pauses as Demyx solos wildly as Roxas receives the rack of potion vials from Axel and crawls his way to the others.

"Secret agent man, secret agent man!

They've given you a number and taken away your name!" Xion continues. Larxene grabs a small box that Vexen knew was a Bunsen burner.

"What in hell could they want those for?" Vexen mutters nervously as he grips the armrests tightly.

"Swingin' on the Riviera one day

And then layin' in the Bombay alley next day…." Demyx says dramatically, waving his hands.

"Oh no, you let the wrong word slip!

While kissing persuasive lips -"

"Xion!" Xemnas says disapprovingly.

"But that's how the song goes!"

"Fine then…." Xemnas shakes his head and sighs.

"The odds are you won't live to see tomorrow!

Secret agent man, secret agent man!

They've given you a number and taken away your name!

Secret agent man………." they finish just as Axel finishes loading up his cart of stolen good through yet ANOTHER window, the one that lead to his room.

"…. Superior, the kids broke into my lab and have stolen numerous amounts of equipment and notes! The song was a diversion so you wouldn't see them!" Vexen says immediately after Xion and Demyx were done.

"…. Vexen. Do you have a fever?" Xemnas asks concerned.

"NO I DO NOT HAVE A FEVER! THEY WERE ASKED TO PLAY THE DUMMIES SO THE OTHER NEOPHYTES COULD BREAK INTO MY LAB AND TAKE MY POSSESSIONS!" Vexen screams, his face turning red.

"… Whatza he talkin' about?" Demyx asks Xion.

"I dunno! Vexy's just nutso." Xion giggles and they run off.

"Vexen, I'm going to go get someone to watch you… don't move." Xemnas gets up and goes in search for someone trustworthy… maybe Ivy?

**Play Room That Never Was**

"Ivy, will you put this here?" Larxene asks sweetly as she starts constructing something with Roxas's and Axel's Legos.

"Of course, Larxene. This one?" Ivy starts building the odd object with her, referring constantly to the drawing Larxene had beside her. When they were done, Larxene smiles proudly.

"What is it?" Ivy asks kindly.

"It's a guillomatine!" Larxene scampers off, clutching her new toy tightly to her chest.

"Did ya make it?" Axel asks, leaning against the wall calmly.

"Of course, stupid. C'mon, we gotta make the other stuff and set up the rest of the traps." They both walk off, identical evil grins on their faces.

**Backyard That Never Was**

"Superior… Please don't leave…" Vexen begs softly, looking like he was about to burst into hysteric tears.

"So… Did ya like the song?" Demyx asks coldly.

"Yes.. It was beautiful, Demyx." Vexen whispers, shaking slightly.

"Wanna know something, Uncle Vexy?" Demyx asks, sitting on the man's knee.

"Wh-What?" Vexen stammers back.

"I don't like it when people say my sitar's stupid. It's not stupid, _YOU'RE _stupid." Demyx says harshly as he pulls out a small black pistol.

"Oh my god, where did you get a gun?" Vexen whispers hysterically.

"Xiggy's room. He has all sorts of neat stuff in there." Demyx giggles, grinning at poor Vexen. Vexen quickly began to see his life flash through his eyes, even his childhood in the village where he had grown up.

"BANG!" Demyx shouts.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" Vexen leaps from the chair and runs.

"… Pfft. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Demyx starts laughing hysterically as he pulls the trigger, a small cloud of bubbles appear over his head.

"Here he comes!" Axel hisses, pulling the rope swiftly. Vexen tumbles over it, crashes into a small wheel toys submerged in thick glue. His feet stick to it as he wheels around crazily before falling down the stairs, screaming as he slams his head into each and every stair.

"… Oh my god…. SOMEONE HEEELP MEEE!!" Vexen sobs, bursting into tears.

"Oooh, Vexy!" Sora calls out to him.

"Huh?" Vexen looks up. Sora cuts the thin twine holding up the barbell and allows it to fall, pinning Vexen to the ground.

"SAY SORRY!" Axel demands angrily, sitting on top of the barbell.

"I'm SORRY! I'M SORRY FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SWEET AND HOLY, I'M SORRRRYYY!!!" Vexen screams, tears streaming down his face.

"Are you EVER gonna do that again?" Saix asks softly. For some bizarre reason, Vexen was actually more scared of Saix at this point than Axel. It was the absolute coolness of Saix's expression as he observed the scene.

"NOOO! I SWEAR! I SWEAR! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!!!" Vexen begs, shaking terribly.

"Okay, we won't hurt you." Larxene says.

"P-Promise?" Vexen whispers.

"Nope!" All three of them slam a brick into Vexen's head, each hitting with just enough forced so that combined, that he got knocked out.

"Take him out." Saix commands, as Sora and Roxas grip Vexen's hands together and start carrying him off.

**Vexen's Bedroom**

"….uhhh?" Vexen moans, his head was killing him.

"Are you alright?" Namine asks him.

"No…" Vexen says sarcastically.

"You fell down the stairs, we just found you." Lexaeus tells him.

"Oh… then was it a dream?" Vexen whispers hopefully.

"We helped!" Roxas tells him eagerly.

"GAAAAAH!!! GET THAT LITTLE MONSTER AWAY FROM ME!!" Vexen screams.

"…. Vexen! The kids saved your life! You could have died!" Namine scolds.

"Yeah! You OWE us." Axel says, grinning mischievously.

"…" Vexen runs for it.

"What the flip did we do?" Larxene asks innocently.


	26. Xigbar's Not A Good Teacher

**I have no idea; I thought this was funny.**

**Disclaimers: All ideas came from my head, Disney, Square Enix and to kh-kichi13 who helped me come up with this through private messaging.**

**Enjoy!**

**X x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

**Castle That Never Was**

"Hey...where did all the little boys go?" Namine asked looking around. Everyone, minus the little boys, were in the Living Room That Never Was munching on some cookies and ice cream. "Hmm....it appears Xigbar is missing as well..." Xemnas noted looking around."I hope he's taking good care of them..." Ivy said placing a fresh plate of cookies on the small table the girls were using as a tea party table.

**Meanwhile In The Backyard that Never Was**

"Okay, kiddos.... I'm here to teach you about ... uh... "cooties". " Xigbar says nervously. Zexion raises a hand.

"This ain't class."

"Lexy said that cooties aren't real." Zexion says smugly. Xigbar stares at him.

"Shit! I mean... THEY _ARE_ REAL. And Lexaeus is a _LIAR_." Xigbar retorts.

"Wha?" Zexion looks horrified at the thought.. Zexion's eyes widen as he considers this. He then nods, shaking slightly at the thought of his friend being a liar.

"There's kid cooties, and then there's ADULT cooties. I'm gonna teach you about the adult cooties." Xigbar says, already looking embarrassed. Marluxia raised his hand.

"What did I just say?" Xigbar asked his 'eye' twitching. Marluxia just waits until Xigbar nods at him.

"What's the difference suppose to be?" Marluxia asked.

"Well-"

"Hurry! Me and Sora want to get to the cookies!" Roxas said loudly with Sora nodding next to him. Xigbar decides to wing it.

"Uhh... The ADULT cooties can kill you." Xigbar says rapidly. All the little kids look at him in horror.

"KILL YOU?"

"Or make uh… certain... PARTS fall off.""......." All the boys gulp nervously.

"H-Ho-How do w-w-w-we get the cooties?" Demyx asks nervously, almost in tears.

"From girls. OR guys, if you're into that." Xigbar says calmly.

"WHAT? NAMINE HAS ADULT COOTIES?" Roxas screams.

"What? I never sai-... Well, she COULD." Xigbar says, thinking about it.

"Oh my gawd... I TRUSTED her!" Saix says in shock.

"Look, I said MAYBE." Xigbar interrupts but then Sora screams.

"MY MOM TOO?"

"If she's been around." Xigbar says as a joke. Sora starts to cry.

"shit... What did I get myself into? this is all YOUR fault, Vexen!" Xigbar groans to himself.

"What is going on here?" Xemnas asked coming into the backyard being forced by Namine to see what was going on.

"Xigbar, what did you do?"

"I did not do JACK SQUAT!" Xigbar says immediately in his own defense.

"Roxas, what did he tell you?" Namine asks and tries to pick him up. Roxas flinches away and starts to cry.

"COOOOOOOOOOOTIESS!" All the little boys scream out and run as fast as they could into the Castle.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU TELL THEM, XIGBAR?" Xemnas yells.

"Uh... I was givin' them a little.. birds and the bees talk. Cause Vexen told me to." Xigbar says nervously.

"YOU WHAT?"

The boys ran into the Living Room That Never Was and screamed at Xion, Larxene, and Ivy who looked at them confused.

"Sowa!" Kairi said running towards Sora who was soon tackled in a hug and began crying.

"Sora's been contaimicated!" Roxas screamed and the other boys ran away into random parts of the Castle as Xemnas, Namine, and Xigbar came in.

"Xigbar, what the hell did you do?" Ivy asked angrily taking out her keyblade.

"I DID NOT DO SHIT!" Xigbar screams, running after an overly freaked out Haru.

"DON'T LET HER TOUCH ME!" Roxas wails as Mrs. Minami tries to grab him. He rapidly crawls up Lexaeus's shoulder to escape.

"Xigbar.. what did you tell them?" Namine asks again, giving him a deathly glare.

".... I told them about STDs." Xigbar admits.

"YOU'RE DEAD!" All the (older) girls go after him even as he runs up a wall to avoid their clutches.

"... Kids, I'M going to tell you THE REAL way you get an STD." Xemnas sighs.

"Really?" Haru asks."Yes. We're going to watch a movie now kiddies."

(Half an hour later....)

"Now I hope this helped you understand..." Xemnas said taking the DVD out. The boys and girls stared at the blank TV screen in shock.

"So...boys can give it to girls too?" Larxene asked.

"Well, yes, girls and boys can give to each oth-"

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" The girls and boys shouted at each other jumping up and running.

"That didn't exactly help..." Namine sighed as Ivy dragged in a bloody mess of Xigbar.

"..... XIGBAR'S GOT IT!" The kids scream before running in opposite directions."This needs a MOTHER'S touch." Mrs. Minami snarls as she went after them.

(Half hour later)

"Oooooh." the boys and girls say in unison, sighing in relief.

"See? You can't get it just from touching. Just remember not to do anything bad when you're younger and you should be fine." Mrs. Minami says triumphantly.

"... I should just have asked HER to do this." Xemnas comments."No shit, genius." Xigbar says from his hospital bed.

Ivy came into the room holding a tray.

"Who wants more cookies and ice cream?" She asks.

**Meanwhile in the Sanatorium that Never Was**

"…. DAMN kids." Vexen snarls, as he tries to wiggle loose of his straitjacket.

"It didn't work?" Someone asks sweetly.

"NO! I was trying to have them TRAUMATIZED! …. Onto plan B." Vexen says to himself, laughing manically to himself as Namine comes in with his daily shot.

"… Poor beautiful… rush of endorphins…." Vexen sighs, before passing out.

"…. He scares me." Namine shakes her head and leaves.

**X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xx x x xx x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xxxxX**

**Moral of the story:**

**One, Xigbar shouldn't be allowed near kids.**

**Two, I should NEVER co-write stuff with people.**

**Three, Vexen's idea of revenge is stupid as hell.**

**Hope you enjoyed it!**


	27. Vexen Makes A Deal

**Hiya folks!**

**Disclaimers: Kingdom Hearts….YOU GUYS KNOW IT'S NOT MINE! SO I'M NOT BOTHERING WITH A DISCLAIMER!**

**I'm done, just read the story ladies and gents!**

**BTW, this relates to the next chapter.**

**X x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

**Castle That Never Was**

After the randomness of the boys being afraid of cooties, everything seemed to be back to normal in the Castle That Never Was.

"XIGGGGGGGGBAR! GET OFF THE CEILING!" Xemnas screams up to him.

As normal as it could ever be in the Castle That Never Was.

"NEVER! This is MY fuckin' scotch, Mansex!" Xigbar yells back down, taking a sip out of a small shot glass.

"… Hey, why isn't Marluxia or Luxord getting any bigger?" Namine asks as she points

"DON'T CALL ME MANSEX!"

"Hey, yeah. Axel and Saïx are almost teenagers; why are those two still little?" Ivy agrees, as they stare down at the two who happened to be playing with some very nice blocks that Mrs. Minami got them.

"….. They're onto us." Marluxia whispers to Luxord as he passes him a red one.

"… Yeah, we have to ante up the playing field, mate." Luxord murmurs back as he carefully undoes his hip pouch where his playing deck was.

"… You guys are stupid." Larxene tells them as she lazily starts stacking the blocks up to make a tower. She knew that they were just doing that for attention, after all, they barely made appearances in the game, they had to do SOMETHING or just be in the background like Sora and the others had been doing for the entire fiction.

"Hey… We were important in the game!" Luxord protests to the narrator, looking angry.

"Yeah! I was the boss in Castle 'Blivion!" Marluxia says.

"… So? I was more awesomer and you knows it!" Larxene says haughtily as she finishes her tower. She then grabs a doll from Xion, sparking a small protest on behalf of No. XIV, and throws the tiny doll with all her might at the tower.

_BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!_

The tower explodes into a series of many tiny pieces as Larxene looks on proudly at the destruction she caused.

"… No more sugar." Namine tells her.

"Aw… but I like sugar!" Larxene mutters darkly as Namine takes her away for her nap.

**Meanwhile in the Crazy House That Never Was**

"… I HATE THIS! LET ME OUT! I HAVE TO USE THE RESTROOM!" Vexen yells violently as Namine comes in with his soup.

"What?" Namine asks, she was listening to music on an MP3 that one of the babysitters had left behind. She pauses it.

"I HAVE TO TINKLE!" Vexen shouts, blushing with humiliation. Namine blinks at him and then throws him a bucket.

"Lexaeus said not to let you out." She informs him, giving him the bowl of tomato soup and removing the old one.

"DAMN THEM! They have absolutely no respect for their elders!" Vexen sobs into the soup, blinking away tears of fury.

"Well, you do know why you're in here, right?" She asks.

"Those little neophytes FRAMED me!" Vexen retorts immediately, sucking in some soup through a straw; he was still tied up in the straitjacket.

"Noo, you're here because you blamed innocent children for your own insanity." Namine says, putting a glass of grape juice next to the soup bowl.

"…. And if I leave them alone?" Vexen asks hopefully, looking at her with a sly smile.

"Then.. I guess it's okay that you get out of here." Namine says thoughtfully.

"YES! However, I have one condition." Vexen says.

"What?"

"Get a competent babysitter to keep them out of the way while I try to recreate the spell that was cast on us." Vexen offers, taking one last sip of the soup before moving his straw in his mouth and placing it into the juice.

"Alright then." Namine opens the door and unties him.

"Excellent! Thank you very much, Miss Namine. My candidate is circled on the Work section of the newspaper." Vexen flees, running straight to his lab and locking the door. Namine picks up the newspaper and scans it.

"Well… he sounds qualified." Namine shrugs and takes it up to Xemnas.


	28. Two New Babysitters

**Hiya folks!**

**Disclaimers: Kingdom Hearts is not mine… yadda yadda.**

**Now that I have permission, I am going to use two very special people in this fic…. Hehehe.**

**Thank you Wiseman, for letting me use your character in this fiction and for writing the majority of the chapter.**

**Hope you like your little surprise!**

**X x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

**Xemnas' Room**

"Superior? I need to talk to you." Namine asks carefully as she peeks in cautiously into his room. Besides the random clutter of the Star Wars books that Axel INSISTED on giving him for his birthday, various zit creams and lotions; the room looked pretty much the same. Except for the giant portrait of Xemnas someone had doodled on the wall closest to the window.

_Sora's been messing around with crayons again… _Namine thinks weakly as she observes just how crudely drawn the picture was.

"What is it, Namine? Can't you see I am busy?" The superior demands, trying to pop a zit on his forehead. Namine winces as he tries to stab it with an Ethereal blade.

"I… see that… But it's important. Vexen has agreed that he will leave the little ones alone." Namine says, flinching as Xemnas manages to pop the pus filled blister with a flesh burning sizzle.

"Really, but what are his demands?" Xemnas asks, rubbing at the small circle and admiring his now zit free reflection in the mirror.

"Well he said as long as you get another babysitter of his choice he will feel safe." Namine says with some relief as she shows him the circled newspaper ad.

Looking over it, Xemnas looked impressed.

"This is it? This is all he asks for is another babysitter? Sounds reasonable and this boy sound very responsible. Plus he doesn't ask for that much money."

"Wait , I thought Vexen went with the ad next to his." Namine starts to protest but Xemnas just shakes his head.

"No, its clear, he wanted the boy. This child Wiseman sounds very respectable."

Suddenly the hairs on Namine's neck stood on end.

"W-what w-w-was his name again?"

"Wiseman. I guess it is his professional name or something. Anyway, I'll go give him a call."

"Wiseman, no it can't be, it can't be him." Namine says in shock as she starts remembering Forbidden's prank show and all the horror that boy had caused.

"I better go find the kids." Namine runs for it, getting ready to put them in the Bomb Shelter That Never Was.

**Unknown Location**

_Ring ring, Ring ring_

"Yes who is this?"

"Hello, this is Lord Xemnas of Organization 13.I'm sure you've heard of me." Xemnas says into the phone.

"… I am acquainted with that name."

"Anyway, I read your ad in the paper and was wondering whether or not you were available to watch some children."

"Sure, I can come right over and discuss the deal."

'Okay see you then."

_Click_

Wiseman put the phone down and started laughing.

"I can't believe it they turned themselves into kids! Man, Forbiddy was right and now I'm going to get paid to watch them. Oh man, this is going to be good."

Walking to a garage Wiseman picked up a camera from a nearby table.

"This will be used for future blackmail." Then he started walking over to a gray and green gummy ship.

"Well, off to work then." Our favorite little psychopath says, starting up his ride.

And with a huge blast of fire, it lifted off.

**Meanwhile at the castle**

"Come on guys." Axel said as he led the little group of toddlers.

"Axel, where are we going?" Roxas says nervous after hearing that Vexen was loose.

"We are going to find that babysitter Xigbar was talking about and make him leave." The red-head says with an evil grin on his face.

"Yay, we can make him dance!" Demyx said strumming his guitar thing.

"Are you sure we should be doing this Axel?" Zexion said getting nervous at the idea of a spanking.

"Oh what's the worst that can happen?"

**Fifteen minutes later in front of the castle**

"Ok I see the ship! Everybody hide!" Sora whispers loudly after being convinced to be the lookout.

Soon all the toddlers involved in the prank were hiding in the bushes.

In a couple minutes, the gummy ship landed in front of the castle and a figure walked out.

"Uh Axel?"

"Yeah Demyx, what is it?

"Doesn't the babysitter look familiar?"

"What do you mean?"

"Look." Demyx says, handing Axel a pair of binoculars.

"…" Everyone takes a look through the binoculars.

"ITS HIM!" Axel shrieks into the bushes as he looked with fear

"Who is it, you moron?" Zexion demands.

"It's Wiseman." Axel whispered so Riku wouldn't hear. Riku heard anyway and started to tremble.

"But I thought he left after the prank show."

"Apparently not, genius."

"But shouldn't Xemnas have tortured him?"

_Flashback_

"_Ok guys, I wasn't able to erase all of their memories but I have good news." Wiseman said with a grin on his face._

"_And that is?" Axel (back when he was still in his twenties or so) asks._

"_They have completely forgotten who was involved in it. Now all of our asses saved when they come here."_

_End Flasback_

"Damn, I forgot."

"Hey, shouldn't we get Sora?" Roxas asks, worried about the turn of events.

"Hey there, little fella. Who are you?" Wiseman asks nicely, successfully avoiding one of the traps.

"Hiya! I'm Sora." Sora greets him, smiling sweetly at him.

"And how old are you?"

"This many!" Sora said holding out four fingers. Wiseman nods, feigning a look of interest.

"That's great, now is there anybody else here, little guy?" He asks.

"Sure they're in the bushes! RIIIGHT there!" Sora says, ratting them out in a second as he points.

At that moment Roxas, Axel, Riku, Zexion, and Demyx all thought the same exact thing.

'_Sora, you fuckin' dumb ass!"_

"Well, I guess we should let them play. Say do you want cookies?"

"Yes please."

"Let's go bake some."

"Yay cookies!"

With that they went in avoiding all the traps that were set.

"I can't believe it."

"What Axel? That Wiseman is acting really nice?"

"No, Demyx."

"Then what moron? That Sora is in the clutches of a stranger?" Zexion retorts as he picks up his picture book.

"No, that he avoided all of the traps!" Axel snarls in fury.

**Meanwhile in the Kitchen That Never Was**

"You hired another babysitter, Mrs. M?" Ivy asks as she starts piling up the plates left on the table from the boys' lunch.

"Yes, Forbidden recommended her. She's her sister apparently." Mrs. Minami says as she starts loading the dishes into the dishwasher. She pushes a few buttons on it and begins to hum a few bars of the song "Hikari" as she pulls out some clothes that belonged to Sora and Riku and starts mending them.

"HELLO ORGANIZATION MEMBERS!" A loud voice calls out as a huge crash of breaking china announces the new babysitter's presence.

"I'm Luna! Nice to meet you." Luna says, her bobbing pigtails bouncing as she happily shakes Mrs. Minami's hand.

"Ah, Mrs. Minami! This is Wiseman… he's the new babysitter." Xemnas says as he introduces the boy.

"Hello." Wiseman says briefly as he suddenly sees the perky little blonde that was Forbidden's little sister.

"You two are going to be working together, I suppose." Xemnas tells them as the little boys grin evilly.

"YES!" Roxas and Axel cheer, knowing that with the both of them combined, they couldn't hurt them.

"…. We're gonna die! Another day! We're gonna die!" Xion starts singing again, watching as the two babysitters give each other death glares.

"This is gonna be good." Forbidden comments as she starts munching on popcorn.


	29. How The Babysitters Get Along

**What's up everybody?**

**Thanks for the babysitting offers, but let's watch if these two end up killing each other, I mean… uh, getting fired, uh… **

… **Let's see how these two do.**

**Disclaimers: Kingdom Hearts is not mine; neither is Wiseman99 (he belongs to himself, thank you very much) and Luna (who is my little sister. If I owned her, my mom would kill me).**

**Wiseman! Contact me por favor!**

**Kay, I'm done... enjoy what took me three weeks! **

**X x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x X**

**Kitchen That Never Was**

"These two are gonna kill each other." Ivy comments as Forbidden starts helping her take some cookies out of the oven.

"I know! Why do you think I sent them BOTH over?" She snickers as she reaches for one. Ivy slaps her hand with a wooden spoon and takes out some brownies.

"….. Coooookiiiiieeeee…" Axel says to himself as he reaches for one. Forbidden stabs his sleeve down to the table with a fork. He just stares at her.

"What? You don't get MY cookies, pyro!" she snaps, trying one more time to get just one delicious circle of chocolaty goodness. Mrs. Minami picks up the plates of cooling treats and takes them into the dining room.

"WEAK!" Axel and Forbidden groan in unison.

"Well, I don't suppose you'll just leave?" Wiseman says to Luna as he smirks as if he'd already won.

"I don't suppose you'll just go jump off a cliff? C'mon kiddies, let's go color." Luna says to the little group of children that had come in as Xemnas rounded them up. They eagerly follow her, knowing that the poor suckers left behind with Wiseman were probably doomed. Within a few minutes, Haru, Marluxia, Luxord, and pretty much any one of the little kids that WEREN'T Roxas, Xion, Larxene, Axel, Sora, Kairi, Zexion and Demyx had left.

"…. Well, then. I'm sure we'll be having fun, won't we children?" Wiseman says with an evil grin.

"….. Forbidden, I wanna be with you." Roxas yelps, trusting his life more to the absentminded/hyper authoress than the babysitter.

"… HELL NO! I was already a babysitter! In chapter …. I forgot." Forbidden admits, getting a fall over anime like sequence from the little kids.

"… WHAT?" Axel demands. She shrugs and goes to check up on Luna. Wiseman turns to the little kids.

"Who wants to go play with Uncle Vexy?" He says with a malicious grin. Larxene smiles and takes his hand.

"I like you. Let's be friends." She says with an almost diabolically innocent smile.

"…. Birds of a feather?" Zexion questions, looking through his Lexicon and shrugging. It was still a bit heavy for him, so he mostly carried around picture books now. They all shrug and follow their new babysitter to Vexen's laboratory.

**In the Living Room That Never Was**

"Hey, that's pretty good, Marly!" Luna praises Marluxia as he starts rearranging the flowers in his flower arrangement again.

"Why thank you. You have good taste." Marluxia says haughtily, flicking his pink hair out of his face as he moves a cherry blossom branch to the middle. Around these two, all the little kids were working on arts and crafts. Luxord was making a pack of cards out of construction paper, Haru was building a sword out of multi-colored Lego's, Riku was making a mess of some paper mache.

"Heeeeey! No fair! I wanna be in this group!" Axel protests, running after Forbidden.

"Ye…. Holy crap, coloring!" Forbidden picks up a pack of color pencils with several coloring pages and starts doodling.

"…. You really can't resist these, can you?" Luna says in mild amusement at her sister.

"Hell no! Hehehe, this one's a Keyblade!" Forbidden hums, not paying attention.

"Looks like Forbidden's out for the count." Wiseman comments, passing through. Forbidden continues to color, occasionally reaching for another pencil but otherwise not moving.

"Nope. Listen here, bucko. _I'M _the babysitter here, _NOT _you. So why don't you go somewhere else? I'm sure that you have other things to do besides baby-sit these innocent kids. So back off." Luna says coolly, giving Wiseman a furious glare. Everyone waits for Wiseman's response.

"And I'M sure that YOU should leave, preppy. Maybe you should go to the mall or something with your friends and leave the kiddies to me. After all, I can take care of myself, unlike you." Wiseman says just as coolly. Between them, a Pokemon style blaze was burning.

"….. Hey, let's all get along, shall we? Here, shake hands and be good." Forbidden says, pushing the two and making them shake hands. Wiseman immediately starts crushing Luna's hand with a pained smile as Luna mashes his foot with one of her long heels.

"You made it worse." Saix tells Forbidden.

"Fuck. Let's see… MIDGETS! LINE UP!" Forbidden commands, and all the kids do so automatically.

"We're not midgets, we're vertically challenged!" Roxas and Sora immediately say.

"Don't care! How many of you guys are there…. Zexion, Marluxia… dude! He's like 10 now! Someone get him some clothes! Zexion, Marluxia, Demyx, Larxene, Roxas, Xion, Haru, Sora, Riku, Kairi…. Did I miss an- Luxord. We can't forget the Gambler. So…. There's eleven of y'all." Forbidden finishes with a dark and spooky voice. The kids look slightly disturbed, Wiseman looks confused, and Luna (who was totally used to this) just yawns.

"…"

"Now, we're gonna split you up EVENLY between the three of… uh, wait, I'm not getting involved… Them. The suckers who get Wiseman, I mean the kids who go with Wiseman are…. All the idiots who I think will survive him. All the others, go to Luna!" She commands.

"And if you survive the night….. Oh my god, COOKIES!" Forbidden immediately starts ignoring them and starts following Ivy to try to steal one of the treats she was carrying to the dining room.

"…. My sister is an idiot and easily distracted. I apologize." Luna says out loud.

"Then let the fun begin… Since we have no more to say to each other, RIGHT?" Wiseman says with a glare as he walks away with his trembling group.'

"Those kids are going to die…. Come along, children! We're going to go … um, fingerpaint in the garden, okay?" Luna says as she leads away her group.

"… I regret my decision." Xemnas says as he watches both kids leave the room.

"That's what you get for not listening to me, Xemnas! … Idiot!" Namine snaps as she walks away herself.

"SOMEONE'S in a mood…. Pfft." Xemnas starts chuckling as he walks to the Living/Playroom That Never Was and turns on the TV.

"Time to see how the game is going along…" Xemnas as he starts watching a basketball game. As soon as he gets comfortable, he hears a series of explosions.

"Shit."


	30. It's Decided!

**Disclaimers: Kingdom Hearts is not mine; neither is Wiseman99 (he belongs to himself, thank you very much) and Luna (who is my little sister. If I owned her, my mom would kill me).**

**And…. Well, this is what happens when I get too much sugar…. Enjoy!**

**And… Well, I know this might be a little weird.**

**You have been warned.**

**

* * *

**

**Garden That Never Was**

"….. Again! Again!" Sora squeals in joy as Xigbar stares at what had happened to the backyard. Somehow, some way, it had been blasted into a giant playground. With a jungle gym.

"Why bother watching them? All I have to do is make sure they don't kill each other." Wiseman says in explanation with a smug grin. Lexaeus immediately gets to work making sure order was maintain among the younglings.

"Play hide-and-seek." He commands and all the kids nod. I mean, who wants to mess with someone who was like 8 something feet tall?

"Sora has to be it." Larxene says in a mischievous voice. The others stare at her in shock. If she wanted Sora to play, it didn't mean anything good.

Unfortunately, Sora wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box.

"Sure! I'll go count!" Sora troops off and starts counting in a sing-song voice.

"Okay, you guys go play. I'll be right back." Larxene says calmly as she skips off towards the Castle singing under her breath what almost sounded like "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."

"Sora's gonna die." Kairi whispers to the group and they all nod.

"Not like we can do anything about it though." Riku comments as Larxene comes back with a Winnie the Pooh shaped cookie jar. She was giggling hysterically, a sign that usually meant no good.

"Looks like she didn' forgive Sora for Castle 'Blivion." Marluxia says with a sigh. His eyes suddenly widen in shock and he turns to Zexion who was peacefully reading a picture book with Lexaeus.

"Yes? May I help you?" Zexion says with distaste. He didn't like Marluxia very much.

"We should join Larxene! I mean, we can get revenge!" Marluxia states before hurrying to the little six year old sadist's side.

"Play nice!" Wiseman calls out sleepily as he starts to nod off in the warm sun.

"ONE BAZILLION! Ready or not, here I come!" Sora calls out as the rest of the kids scramble to find a last minute hiding spot.

Kairi runs inside to the Kitchen that Never Was and opens the cabinet under the sink. She crams herself inside.

Riku scurries up a tree which had just randomly appeared and tries to camouflage himself among the leaves. Which was actually pretty hard, considering he was wearing bright yellow.

Haru jumps behind a swing set and starts telling himself under his breath that he was invisible. Even though he was completely obvious to anyone with half a brain that was looking for him.

Demyx, too entranced by the thought of the cookie jar to think straight, was crouched behind a table and drooling.

Zexion sighed and made Lexaeus turn around so that his bulk hide the tiny kid from view.

Marluxia somehow managed to blend into some pink posies, hiding his form from view except for a bit of his bright pink hair.

"Okay guys! I'm gonna go find you now!" Sora calls out again, looking around the garden/playground eagerly. Larxene rapidly dives behind a tree and waits with a very cruel smile on her childish face.

"Hehehe, take the bait, clown boy." She whispers to herself as Sora approaches the table.

"Riiiiku! Kaaaaairiiii! Oh my god, cookies!" Sora says gleefully as he spots the jar.

"Yes!"

"Maaaaybe I'll take just one." Sora says sneakily to himself, completely forgetting about the fact that he had been playing hide-and-seek. As he briefly touches the jar, it emits a small shock that makes him let go.

"What the hell?"

"… Larxene, what a weird trick." Marluxia comments as Sora keeps trying to get his hands on a cookie.

"So? Watch! He looks funny…" Larxene giggles as Sora starts crying.

"I JUST WANT A FUCKIN' COOKIE! WAAAAAH!" Sora wails, immediately attracting the attention of Wiseman.

"… Not my business." He sighs and gets up. Luna marches through the door with a struggling Luxord in one hand and a screaming Xion in the other. He turns to her and points over his shoulder.

"You!" Luna demands angrily as he shakes his head.

"As cute as this is…. A guy can only take so much. You take care of 'em. Bye." He says as he vanishes into thin air. Luna looks at the kids in horror.

"There's like 10 of them! I can't…. oh…" Luna collapses to the floor, unconscious. The kids start screaming.

"SHE'S DEAD!" A panicked Kairi shrieks.

"Cool, can I poke it?" Haru asks eagerly as the others just stare at him.

"WHAT DID YOU KIDS DO?" Xemnas demands as Sora and Riku chime in unison:

"It was Larxene!" Larxene glares at them as she's herded into the time-out corner.

"That's it! Starting tomorrow, you're all going back to your normal duties! AND THAT'S AN ORDER!" Xemnas screams, his face nearly going purple. He stomps off into the Castle, slamming the door viciously behind him. Namine walks into the backyard with Saix and Axel at her heels.

"His hormones are making him crankier than usual…." She murmurs as Xion toddles up to her and grabs her legs.

"Pick me up!" She demands as Namine obliges.

"You know… I can see you!" Axel calls out with a grin to Riku who was trying his best not to fall off the branch.

"Screw you!" Riku snaps as he tumbles off the branch and onto the bench right below it. Everyone applauds and he blushes.

"Well, it's lunchtime, kids." Namine says calmly, knowing that she was stuck with the mother role in this very dysfunctional…. Family? Organization? Whatever it was, she was the mom.

**Kitchen That Never Was**

"PIZZA?" The loud squeal from the kids echoes throughout most of the Castle, causing several of the older members to look around for them (though Xigbar looked for a gun first).

"Um… No one can really cook now, and Xaldin told me to go to hell when I asked him." Namine says apologetically to Xemnas who was drinking an energy drink.

"Fine." He grunts as Sora and Riku start laughing the moment he turns around. Xemnas glances back at them in confusion but they put on innocent faces. He turns around again.

"Pfft." This time around, every single one of the kids was struggling not to laugh.

"Namine… is there something on my back?" Xemnas asks, twitching with fury. Namine looks and starts to giggle.

"Um… Axel? It's not nice to mess with the Superior." She says as she peels off the tape and hands Xemnas the note.

" 'I am a poo head.' " Xemnas reads out loud to the eternal delight of the kids.

"He _SAID _it! Pay up!" Axel demands to Saix who grudgingly hands him a folded bill.

"….. Hahahaha. Very clever, boys." Xemnas says with a chuckle. Everyone freezes in mid-giggle.

"Uh oh." Xion says from her high chair, looking around.

"Tomorrow… AXEL, you'll be getting a special punishment." Xemnas says with a cruel smile.

"He's gonna diiiie, another daaaay!" Xion sings as Axel trembles in fear.

**The Next Day**

"How are you holding up, Axel?" Namine asks as she examines the eight year old's punishment. He was hanging upside down from the ceiling by his ankle which was connected by a metal chain which the Superior had threatened everyone else with if they dare to so much as touch it.

"My brain's on fire!" He announces in a surprisingly cheerful voice, his entire face going purple.

"Okay then… Do you want breakfast?"

"…. Si, señor." Axel says as he begins to sing a mariachi song.

"….. What an interesting effect." Xemnas hums to himself as he chuckles evilly to himself.

"Let's not mess with Xemmy no more." Demyx whispers in fear as Axel keeps singing. Everyone nods their agreements.


	31. Xemnas's New Plan

**Disclaimers: Kingdom Hearts is not mine and the rest probably isn't either.**

**All that's mine was the ideas and possibly the designs for the Gummi ships. …. Which I never describe! HA!**

**That is all!**

**Oh, and this is sort of a parody on how Roxas acted in 358/2 Days.**

**

* * *

****The Castle That Never Was: Kitchen (The Next Morning)**

"This is gonna suck." Axel snaps moodily after he was cut down from the ceiling. His face was still a little purple, but no harm done. All the kids were gathered up around the huge table and staring at the note cards that Xemnas had passed out earlier.

Each one had a mission and the partner they had been assigned to work with.

"But… we're little _KIDS_!" Haru begins to cry hysterically. Everyone ignores him.

"Look, we might as well shut the fuck up and get this over with. Marls, you're with me." Larxene announces to the group. Marluxia nods.

"Alright then." Marluxia agrees calmly. At least he wasn't stuck with an idiot... well, one that would annoy him.

"I get to stay home! Yay!" Xion squeals as she waves her own note card around happily.

"… Xemnas is a sucker for little cute kids." Riku mutters darkly.

"Okay, midget!" Axel calls out to Roxas who immediately glares at him.

"Yes, idiot?" He snaps back with an annoyed grimace.

"We're gonna go to Twilight Town and take care of a Heartless!" Axel says. Roxas thinks about this for a second.

"But… if the Heartless is sick, then shouldn't he stay home?" He asks innocently. The entire table stares at him.

"Were you _BORN _that stupid or did you take lessons?" Luxord demands. Roxas looks shocked.

"I don't think I took-" Everyone shuts up when the Superior walks in.

"Having fun? Good, I picked easy missions for you today." Xemnas says with a cruel smile. Demyx glares at his note card and then raises his hand.

"Why do I gotta go to Atlantica? What if I drown?" Demyx asks cautiously. Xemnas hits him right between the eyes.

"OW!" Demyx cries out in pain.

"You'll just have to be very careful, won't you?" Xemnas snarls. He was still mad from the day before.

"Um, Xemnas? I really must protest on my mission... get the groceries?" Zexion says with a frown. Xemnas gives him one evil glance which nearly makes Zexion wet himself in pure fear.

"We need food. And Lexaeus will help you." Xemnas explains. Zexion nods mechanically.

"So what are you waiting for? Go." He orders in a "if you don't get moving, I will have a new place to store my Ethereal Blades' tone of voice. The kids scramble out of the chairs and run for the Gummi Ship launch.

"…You do know that they don't remember how to drive, right?" Xigbar asks calmly. Xemnas shrugs.

"They'll be fi- HIT THE DECK!" The pair fall to the ground as a huge whoosh of engines passes over their heads.

"Sorry!" Demyx cries out as he somehow manages to get his tiny Gummi ship under control and sail off into the sky.

"I feel pity for the worlds." Lexaeus rumbles moodily. Zexion nods, staring at the damage to the kitchen. At least two walls had collapsed and half of the stove was missing.

_**Meanwhile, on Axel's Gummi Ship**_

"This is The Flurry of The Dancing Flames, roger! We're totally good and fine, roger!" Axel says into a microphone. Roxas stares at him.

"Who the heck is Roger? And how'd he get on the sh-" Axel gives him a glare.

"Roxas…. You've got to say "Roger" or else the ship doesn't fly, roger." He explains carefully as if to an idiot.

"No you don't." Roxas says defiantly. Instantly the ship makes a weird grumbling noise and starts to plummet to where the ground would have been if they weren't in space.

"ROGER! ROGER! ROGER!" Roxas screams in fear as he dives underneath a chair. Axel grins sadistically and pulls the ship back up. Sometimes it was just too much fun to mess with the poor blonde.

_**Demyx's Ship**_

"… I'm gonna die….. At least you'll be with me, Mr. Duckie." Demyx says, teary eyed and clutching a small rubber duckie. He was shaking like a leaf.

Luxord shakes his head and sighs.

The Dancer Nobody driving next to him rolls its eyes underneath the weird hat thing they all had to wear.

Sometimes the Melodious Nocturne was such a baby.

_**Larxene's Ship**_

"This _SUCKS_! When I get my hands on Xemnas and I'm bigger, I'm gonna beat him up! Stupid head!" Larxene yells violently. Marluxia and the few Dusks that had been convinced to go on this suicide mission were all huddled together in the back of the tiny ship.

With good reason.

"SHIT!" Larxene snarls as she slams into Haru's ship. She guns it and nearly makes that ship crash into an asteroid.

"OFF THE ROAD, NUMBNUTS!" She yells to it.

"We're gonna die." Marluxia whispers as he rapidly tightens his seatbelt. The Dusks nods and cling to his seat.

_**Haru's Ship**_

"… SCREW THIS!" Haru shouts as he turns around. He wasn't a member of the Organization.

They had no right to send him to Halloween Town!

Larxene's ship slams into his and this only confirms his ideas. He was going home.

**Castle That Never Was**

"Looks like only Larxene's, Axel's and Demyx's are going to their destinations." Vexen says as he watches the radar. Xemnas shrugs.

"I wondered who'd be smart enough to notice I just wanted to get rid of them." He muses with a cruel smile. Kairi toddles up to him.

"You've got another zit." She tells him helpfully as she skips off to play with Riku and Sora. Xemnas kicks at her retreating figure and then pulls out a mirror.

"…. That little liar!"

"….You guys are so weird." Erika comments as she helps Mrs. Minami get the Kitchen back to normal so they could make lunch.

"Um, what do Roxas and Ax-cess gotta do, Superior?" Xion asks with an innocent smile. At this time, she was in the time out corner.

"They've got to destroy a giant Heartless." Xemnas tells her as he forcibly turns her back around.

"Ooooh. And Demyx?"

"He and Luxord need to go to Atlantica and train."

"Larxene?"

"…. I just gave the easiest mission and prayed that she wouldn't start a war or something." Everyone shudders at the thought. Xion thinks for a moment.

"You do know we're like five years old right? And that you could get arrested for this?" She asks bluntly.

"I don't think there's any cops in this world, Xion." Xemnas says, shaking his head. Mrs. Minami smiles triumphantly. She starts calling a number.

"Shouldn't have given her the idea, Mansex." Xigbar mutters to himself. He looked as if he was enjoying the random chaos and destruction.

"ROGER ROGER ROGER!" A scream comes from one of the screens. Xemnas takes a look. Sure enough, it was Roxas. Axel was grinning maliciously in the background as he smoothly drives the Gummi Ship.

"If we're lucky, we'll be losing a few members. I hope that it's Larxene. She's a bitch." Saix says with a grin.

"Watch your mouth." Xemnas snaps as he continues to observe the kids' progress. Sora toddles behind him and watches for a moment. He walks back to Riku and Kairi who weren't allowed to go on any missions (due to Mrs. Minami's death threats and the fact that they weren't members of the Organization).

"I think they're gonna die." Sora states as he goes back to building something out of Legos. Riku nods vaguely as he finishes his own project. He jabs Kairi with the plastic block dinosaur and sighs.

"I can't wait til we're bigger... I liked being taller." Riku mumbles sadly. Sora's eyes brighten.

"Then let's go explore the labs! We gotta find _something _there." Sora decides.

And with that, the three Destiny Island kids march off as everyone else is distracted.


	32. AxelandRoxas:Adventure in Twilight Town

**Disclaimers: Kingdom Hearts is not mine and the rest probably isn't either.**

**Blah blah blah… yadda yadda yadda and let's begin!**

**We're starting off with Axel and Roxas in Twilight Town and we'll eventually get around to the Destiny Island kids' little adventure later.**

**And I explain just what some of the Organization members (who were barely mentioned throughout this fic) have been up to!**

**

* * *

**"ROGER ROGER RO- Oh we're here!" Roxas cries out in relief as Axel manages to land the ship. (with an extremely heavy thud and the knocking off of several weather vanes from some of the buildings.)

The eight year old flicks some hair out of his face and turns to his younger companion.

"Now listen Roxas. We're on a very important mission and- OH MY GOD THEY HAVE ICE CREAM IN THIS PLACE!" Axel shouts as he stares out the window of the ship.

A small crowd was staring at the ship but this was completely ignored by the duo who was completely used to this behavior towards their somewhat preferred mode of transportation.

"Let's go find Mister Heartless!" Roxas says in an attempt to try to stay on the mission but the thought of getting a sweet dairy treat was too much for the poor pyro.

"Look; _I'M _the older one, _I_ get to make the rules! Got it memorized?" Axel says with contempt as he scribbles on a piece of cardboard and sticks a piece of chewed gum on the back.

When he and Roxas get out of the ship, Axel slaps the impromptu sign onto the door and locks it.

'_**Out to lunch; be back in five minutes.'**_

"There! Now no one will get in." Axel says confidently as if he had just come up with one of the best plans ever.

Roxas stares at the sign, dumbfounded, and then at Axel.

"But we're not going to get lu-"

"Shh! You worry too much, Roxie!" Axel tells Roxas as the older boy drags Roxas off by the scruff of his hair.

* * *

**Sea Salt Ice Cream Stand**

"Why hello, little boys! What can I do for you?" The old woman at the stand asks in a sweet voice.

"I want two sea sea sal-" Axel starts to say when a younger man pops into the stand.

"I can take it from here, Granny. You go and get some sleep. Whatcha want, kids?" The man says both to the old woman and to Roxas and Axel.

"Uh, two sea salt ice creams?" Axel asks in a doubtful voice. The man shakes his head and peers down at the pair suspiciously.

"How old are you two?" He asks.

Axel nudges Roxas.

"How old am I again?" He asks in a whisper. Roxas shrugs.

"Just say eight." He whispers back.

The man taps his fingers against the booth, waiting.

"I'm this many, mister!" Axel proclaims, putting up eight fingers.

"Sorry, can't sell kids under 10 ice cream without an adult. It's stand policy." The man explains.

Axel looks at the stand owner as if he had just committed a blasphemy in front of him. Which he just had.

"SAY THAT AGAIN." Axel snarls in his most threatening way which was still pretty adorable considering he was only about four feet tall and was wearing a shirt with a cutesy dinosaur.

"Sorry kiddo, but you need a grown up." The man says in his best 'I gotta humor the little kids' voice.

Axel does not take this well.

"FUCK YOU! I'm twenty seven years old, asshole! Now give me the goddamn ice cream before I find a new place to store my chakrams! YOU GOT THAT MEMORIZED?" Axel screams.

Within five seconds, the stand owner picks Axel up and very gently throws him out to the alley.

Roxas, not knowing what else to do, allows the stand owner to pick him up and put him down with the furious Axel.

"Come back with a grown up or I'll call the cops, you little brat!" The owner says in an angry voice, tired of dealing with Axel.

"You'll regret this, mister! You've made a very powerful enemy!" Axel howls in anger as he stamps his foot into the hard ground and places his hands on his hips in a completely childish pout.

"Axel…. You got us in trouble!" Roxas sobs as he bursts into tears. Axel instantly looks mildly ashamed.

"But… the ice cream!" He says as an explanation. Roxas glares at him.

"I hate you! You stupid head!" Roxas shouts as he runs off into Twilight Town.

"No, you'll get lost and then Namine will hate me!" Axel shouts as he runs after the tiny kid. Due to Roxas' tiny size, it was easy for him to crawl in between people's legs and become engulfed by the crowd.

"Stupid! Stupid stupid!" Roxas wails as he crawls beneath a bench in one of the districts, his happy mood completely ruined by Axel's stupidity.

He had been excited to have finally been considered old enough for a mission like the bigger Organization members that had been popping in and out of the Castle during the time that they had been transformed into children.

Of course, their activities hadn't been explained very well (Xigbar's constant injury, Vexen's strange "Herb" gathering outings) but it had been enough to pique Roxas' curiosity. And the fact that he was afraid of most of the members that had been leaving the Castle made it rather hard to ask them what they had been up to.

Xigbar's only answer was "You'll know when you're older."

Which was the vaguest answer that they ever could have given to Roxas. And one that would eventually drive him virtually insane with curiosity.

The four year old ponders this as someone crouches down to peek under the bench.

"Hello? Who's under here?" A girl's voice asks.

Roxas perks up; he knew that voice!

"Olette!" Roxas cheers as he allows himself to be pulled out from beneath the bench.

"Hey there! You lost?" Olette asks in a sweet voice as she cradles Roxas in her arms.

For a moment, Roxas considers telling her the lie that Axel had made him rehearse: that he'd lost his mommy and that he needed to get back to her as soon as possible.

Instead he tells her this:

"I'm Roxas, Olette! Don't I look familiar?"

Olette stares at him for a moment before shrieking and dropping him.

"Ro-Roxas? As in the one from the other Twilight Town?" She asks in shock. Roxas dusts himself off and nods.

"A-huh! I got littler…" He explains.

Then they both hear a child's swearing.

"YOU SON OF A-! GIVE BACK MY BUDDY!"

"Axel!" Olette and Roxas say in unison.

He stares at her.

"What? I'd recognize that guy's voice anywhere." She explains as she picks up Roxas again and hurries him into the Sandlot.

* * *

**Sandlot**

"C'mon! Try that one more time!" Hayner, covered in scratches and bruises from being knocked around, taunts to the Darkside. Hayner had one weapon; his book bag which he was using to smack the Heartless back every time it tried to step forward.

It didn't technically hurt the Dark Side, but it sure did surprise it.

"You're stupid! I nevah shoulda asked you!" Axel snaps, twirling his Chakrams nervously. The second that the Darkside moves, Axel and Hayner throw their Chakrams and book bag (respectively) at the creature.

"Wow." Olette and Roxas say in unison; they were surprised that the duo had lasted this long.

With one long swipe, the Darkside smacks Hayner and Axel into a wall.

"HA! That ti-tickled!" Axel sneers in a mocking despite the concussion he might now have.

"Uh, Roxas? Could you-?" Olette asks in a doubtful voice.

Roxas nods and summons up his Oathkeeper.

"I'll try!" He tells her as he runs up to the Dark Side.

It freezes in its track and peers down at the tiny boy.

Roxas glares up at it and slaps his Keyblade into the dirt threateningly.

What happened next would haunt Roxas's psyche for the next few weeks.

The Darkside started laughing hysterically, falling down from its perch on the buildings and pointing to Roxas as it gripped its side in laughter.

The group could only stare at the giggling Darkside as it slaps the dirt in its hysterics.

After a few minutes, it calms down and looks back at Roxas who was almost in tears.

It gives him a look which pretty much meant '_Oh my god, were you serious?_'

"HEY! You're not supposed to l-laugh at me! I'm the one who's gonna kick your butt!" Roxas says in a choked up voice as he struggles to keep in his tears.

The Darkside screams in laughter again, covering where its mouth would be if it had one.

When it was done laughing for the moment, it leans over and pats Roxas on the head in a somewhat soothing way as if to say _'Yeeeeeeeah, not gonna happen, kiddo.'_

The Dark Side then glares at Hayner and Olette.

"Oh, we don't have Keyblades!" Olette says quickly, holding out her empty arms.

"Yeah, he's got it." Hayner says as he points to Roxas.

The Darkside turns back to Roxas in an amused way.

Roxas, shaking with both anger and the pressure of not crying, kicks the Darkside in the shin.

"Stop laughing and fight me!" He screams.

"Wow. He's…. really mad." Axel comments to Olette who starts cleaning him up.

The Darkside shrugs and gives Roxas a final look: '_Alright, if you're sure_.'

It slams Roxas to the ground with a single swipe of its giant arms.

"Roxas!" Axel cries out as the little boy stands up again with a happy smile.

"HA! I'm not so little am I?" Roxas shrieks as he slams his Oathkeeper right up… well, the only place a four year could reach on a Heartless the size of a two story building.

The Darkside falls down the ground as Roxas quickly finishes it off with a few blasts of ice, fire, and a few Ars Arcanums.

He then turns to Axel, Olette and Hayner.

"You will NEVER tell Xemnas that it laughed at me!" He sobs as he finally breaks down into tears.

"Aw, don't cry! Let's go get some ice cream, kay?" Olette says in a comforting voice as she picks him up.

Roxas sniffles and nods.

"Do I get some?" Axel asks Hayner. Hayner smirks.

"Last one- OW!" Olette picks up her math book from where it had bounced off of Hayner's forehead.

* * *

**Sea Salt Ice Cream Stand**

"Oh no." The stand owner says as he spots Axel and Roxas. Axel looks triumphant.

"HA! I told you I'd come back!" Axel says with a mischievous smile.

Before anyone could stop him, he jumps over the counter and opens up the freezer. He crams one sea salt ice cream bar into his mouth and loads his arms up with as many as he could carry.

"Mmmph!" Axel cries out as he starts running.

"HEY!" The stand owner yells as Roxas and Axel skid into the next district.

"Let's play together again sometime!" Roxas shouts to Olette and Hayner as he vanishes from sight in a huge swirling black vortex known as the Corridor of Darkness.

The two teens wave to their friend.

"Wow, he sure is adorable as a little kid… It almost makes me want to baby-sit!" Olette laughs.


	33. Demyx&Luxord:Why to Read the Fine Print

**Disclaimers: Kingdom Hearts is not mine and the rest probably isn't either.**

**Blah blah blah… yadda yadda yadda...**

**Don't ask... there was sugar involved, the prospect of possible pie, the wonderous voice of Amy Lee playing in the background... the end result is this chapter.**

**By the way, when I posted this chapter... I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that there were 358 reviews and that the last chapter was about Roxas and Axel.**

**Yes, I'm a moron. Thank you and I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Needless to say, Demyx was not a fighter.

He was more of a _'sit on his butt and play music' _kind of guy even if he was currently transformed into a little kid.

Sure, he could have a serious side whenever he felt like it, but still.

He was totally not the guy for this.

These were the thoughts that mused through the little Demyx's head as he stares out the window in absolute misery.

"Demyx?" Luxord asks as the Dancer Nobody driving the ship starts making bubbly noises to show that they had arrived.

Demyx pouts even further.

"NO! I'm n-not goin'!" Demyx says stubbornly.

Luxord raises a blonde eyebrow before turning to go whisper with the Dancers.

After about a minute, they come back with a hastily scribbled list in one of the Dancer's hands.

It hands it to Demyx, swaying slightly as it did so.

Demyx reads it and starts to cry.

"_WHY SOPHIE! _I thought… we were _friends_!" Demyx sobs at the Dancer who shuffles uncomfortably at this sudden outburst.

"I also have blackmail of you when you were getting your diaper changed. Let's go fight some monsters! Time's a-wasting!" Luxord says as he drags the younger Nobody off of his chair and starts pulling him over to the opening in the bottom of the ship.

Sophie the Dancer Nobody whispers to Demyx in his mind:

'_**Master, there's lots of water in this world.'**_

Demyx squeals in delight as he wiggles loose from Luxord's grip on his t-shirt and he jumps into the ocean happily.

"Whatever you said… Lady Luck doesn't even have that much power!" Luxord says as he changes into a bathing suit and jumps in.

* * *

**Atlantica**

"WAAAAATER! WAAAAAAAATER!" Demyx howls in absolute ecstasy as he swims around like crazy, smacking into stuff and generally causing chaos.

Luxord on the other hand, couldn't swim too well.

He was just floating along with the current and watching the hyper six year smack into rocks.

'_**We have to find this treasure chest, sirs.' **_Sophie says as she holds up a laminated map.

The two kids butterfly swim and doggy paddle over and take a look at it.

A very crappily drawn map of Atlantica with a bunch of little random doodles and with lots of brightly colored stains was their only hope of getting around this labyrinth of a world.

"WE'RE SO _SCREWED_!" Demyx and Luxord scream in unison.

* * *

**Demyx's Gummi Ship**

"Hello? Demyx? Luxord?" Xemnas's voice demands as he appears on the screen of one of the computers.

The two Dancer Nobodies stop in mid-twirl and stare at the teenage Superior's face.

"Hi Dem Dem! Hi Luxy!" Xion's voice cheers as she jumps into Xemnas' lap to see what he was doing.

"Xion, dammit! I'm trying to tell them that their map is in the glove compartment!" Xemnas scolds.

One of the remaining Dancers struts over to the computer.

'_**Yeeeees?' **_It asks in an arrogant mind voice, looking mildly ticked off at being disturbed at practicing one of its many complicated dance routines.

"Uh…. Is either Demyx or Luxord there?" Xemnas asks in embarrassment. Xion peers into the screen and giggles.

"Xemmy, there's a funny person there! Make it talk!" Xion demands in a very cute way as she waves at the Dancer.

It waves back, the spot where its mouth would be perking up in the best imitation of a smile it could give considering it had no lips.

'_**Hello, Xion. No, Superior, there's no one here except for me and Georgie.' **_The Dancer informs Xemnas. Xion giggles and grins at the little Dancer, waving wildly again.

"Dammit, one of Xion's drawings ended up on the ship and some idiot in the Organization laminated it along with the real map!" Xemnas explains. The Dancer at the screen raises an eyebrow (or at least where an eyebrow would be if it actually had one).

'_**Oh shit, they are so totally **_**dead**_**.' **_Georgie says in shock as it goes to peek into the dark water surrounding the ship.

* * *

**Atlantica**

"Okay… so we make a left turn at the upside down squiggle!" Demyx says in a reluctant voice, the fun of being underwater now going away.

Luxord squints at the map and looks around.

"Well, I bet it's this way. This rock looks… kinda like a squiggle." He admits as he points over.

"What's the sign say?" Demyx asks curiously.

'_**Danger, Giant Monsters Inside: Please Knock.' **_Sophie reads out loud.

"Wow, you can read Mermaid? That's awesome!" Demyx says in amazement. Sophie points below the strange letters to reveal the English translation.

The two Nobody kids blush, looking completely embarrassed at not seeing them.

"Hmm…. Then we should knock!" Demyx decides as he swims over and gives the two ton boulder a loud tapping.

'_**Uh oh, I didn't see this part.' **_Sophie says in a frightened voice as it takes a few steps back.

"What part?" Luxord questions suspiciously.

_**'Knock only if you want to be eaten.' **_Sophie says with a tremble as the rock slides over to one side, revealing a giant cavern.

Demyx turns back to them, smiling in a way that shows that he knew he was totally dead. He laughs nervously and points to the inky black darkness inside.

"Run."

A giant tentacle slams into the soft sand right next to them as the monster roars loudly.

"… Thank goodness we're underwater. Or else I would have just wet myself." Luxord says with a nervous giggle as he and Sophie start swimming as quickly as they possibly could, screaming hysterically as the trio is quickly wrapped up in the appendage of the giant octopus.

* * *

Nearby, a small red crab stares at the strange sight of two little boys and a weird looking creature screaming and fighting an octopus the size of a whale.

"…. Hmph. Kids today." He mutters to himself in a Jamaican accent, rolling his eyes in his eyestalks as he continues to scuttle away towards the underwater palace.


	34. Why They Shouldn't Trust 11 and 12

**You know... I really don't know what to say about this chapter.**

**Disclaimers: all things in it (except Intermezzo Cove and the OCs) are totally not mine. Kingdom Hearts included.**

**I think all the listening to the new artist I discovered had something to do with how this came out... **

**And with that in mind, I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Larxene was absolutely, positively, completely and totally pissed off.

Poor Marluxia and the Dusks had to hold on for their little Nobody lives as the furious Nymph smacked into asteroids and into other ships on her way to their destination.

"This sucks! Why do _we _get always get the dopey missions?" Larxene seethes, her tiny four year old body having to sit on a stack of phone books just to reach the controls.

"Well, Larxene, it's not as bad as Demyx's mission. His and Luxord's is to do recon… We've obviously been given the superior mission." Marluxia adds in with a high pitched voice, clinging desperately to his chair.

Larxene makes a scoffing noise in the back of her throat as she twists the steering wheel sharply to the right, sending two of the three Dusks slamming into one of the windows.

"Whatever! It's not like it matters, right?" Larxene grunts admittedly as a small smile spreads quietly across her face.

Soon, one of the Dusks take over when Larxene gets bored and she curls up into a chair and waits patiently for the ship to land.

"So where are we going anyway?" Larxene demands in a much more subdued voice than usual, playing with a loose strand of hair lazily.

"I think we're supposed to go pick up some herbs for Vexen or something. He says that there's a specific world that we have to go to." Marluxia explains as he stares at Xemnas's very neat handwriting.

Larxene's reaction was instantaneous.

"WHAT? We're going on an _ERRAND _while those little dopes get to fight Heartless? How is that fair?" Larxene shouts angrily, electricity immediately flaring up around her.

"We-well, he said it was very dangerous a-and that he could only trust us to do it!" Marluxia stammers, wincing already from anticipating Larxene's inevitable punch.

"… Whatever." Larxene murmurs, looking bored.

The rest of the trip passes in silence until they reach the small world.

* * *

**Unknown World**

"… This place is creepy!" Larxene says in shock as she stares around at the small town.

"Indeed…" Marluxia whistles as he crouches down to pluck a flowering plant from the ground.

He examines it and takes a look at his surroundings.

The gentle breeze that came off of the crystal blue waters surrounding a side of the small village they were standing it was sweet and smelled of fresh plants and water.

Each of the small buildings was built neatly of reddish bricks and had woven straw roofs and each one was surrounded by lush green trees and flowers; the entire town looked like it was built straight out of a storybook.

"This place is creepy! It's like all the same!" Larxene repeats, staring at the picturesque buildings in horror. Marluxia shrugs.

He actually really liked the town but he wouldn't say anything to Larxene. After all, he would be the one feeling the pain when she stabbed him for disagreeing.

"Okay, let's get the herbs and get the hell out. Like right now!" Larxene snaps, looking as if she was about to snap from all the perfectness in the town.

"Okay…" Marluxia mutters darkly as he drops his blue flower and squints into the background.

"Hello there, youngsters! Are you lost?" An old man asks from the shade of a magnificent tree, smiling at the children.

"Shuddap! I don't got time for you, old timer!" Larxene snarls but the old man just shakes his head.

"You mean "I do not have time for you, distinguished gentleman". Use proper grammar, child." The man tuts.

Larxene glares at him.

"What are you, a weirdo grammar Nazi? Let me at him, let me at him!" Larxene howls as the three Dusks that had accompanied her and Marluxia grab her arms in unison, keeping the four year old from tackling the old man and pummeling him to an electrocuted pulp.

Marluxia bows respectfully at him.

"Sir, we're looking for some very special herbs. Do you know where we may be able to buy some?" He asks in a completely sincere and polite voice.

The old man beams at him, looking impressed.

"Why, the market's right over there!" The old man says, pointing over to a small set up of stands in the middle of the town.

"Thank you." Marluxia marches off in the direction that the man had pointed to, being followed by the Dusks carrying an astonished Larxene.

"So… does this politeness stuff actually gets people to do what you want?" She asks curiously, an evil smirk already spreading across her face as she imagines the possibilities.

"Sometimes?" Marluxia allows when one of the Dusks hands him a freshly bought bottle of potion and he opens it with a quick twist of the top.

At this exact moment, Marluxia trips over a cobblestone and straight into the legs of a standing guy.

Naturally, the open bottle's contents spill all over the guy's clothes.

"What the fuck?" The guy snarls as he grabs Marluxia by the scruff of the neck and Marluxia struggles to wiggle loose from his grip.

"Leave Marly alone! …Please!" Larxene commands, putting her hands on her hips and glaring at the man as if daring him not to listen.

The only response that the guy has is to laugh in her face.

Larxene did not have a nice reaction to that.

* * *

**The Castle That Never Was**

As Xemnas observes his now children Organization members work in their relative missions via a series of TV screens, he notices that the phone was ringing.

Which was extremely odd, considering that they only ever used it to order take out from the Dark City underneath the Castle.

Xion, the only one close enough to answer said phone, gets up from her coloring book and grabs it.

"Hello hello! This is Xion speaking! Please leave a message at the little beep at the en- …. He's not here. No, he's in the bathroom. Huh? I don't even know what Xemnas is doing in there! I think he's got di-" The toddler says in an innocent voice.

Xemnas grabs the phone from her, gives Xion a glare and shoves it to his ear.

"Hello?" He asks, already getting a bad feeling about whoever was calling.

"Hi Xemnas!" An all too familiar duo of voices call out in unison; it was Larxene and Marluxia.

"Did you two already get back to the Castle?" Xemnas asks in shock. There was no way that they could have come from Intermezzo Cove and back in under half an hour.

"Umm… Not exactly." Larxene says in a sheepish voice.

Xemnas stares at the phone and begins to tremble; this was not boding well for the Superior.

"We're in jail!" Larxene and Marluxia say out in unison as Xemnas smacks his head into the wall, causing Saix, Vexen and Xion to jump.

"WHAT? THEN HOW IN KINGDOM HEARTS CAN YOU BE CALLING THE CASTLE!" Xemnas screams into the phone.

The phone is silent for a minute until Larxene says:

"I think we called long distan-"

Xemnas slams the phone back into its cradle and marches for the door.

"Where are you going, Superior?" Vexen asks in concern.

"… To get those two idiots from jail! And, no, you can't come, Xion!" Xemnas snarls in response as Xion grabs her stuff from the floor and starts to get up.

"Awwwww! I wanna come, Sup!" Xion wails, crossing her arms angrily as she starts pouting.

"… Fine. You can come." Xemnas allows as Xion squeals in joy and grabs Xemnas' hand.

"We're going on a triiiip! We're going on a triiiiip!" Xion sings as Xemnas leads her away towards the Gummi Ship Launch.

"Xemnas is not good with children…" Vexen says to Saix who was reading a paperback book.

"Uh huh… that's why we get away with a lot more than when we were bigger." Saix says with a faint smile as he remembers how Axel and he had unscrewed the chandelier in the Dining Room. So far, no one had noticed.

* * *

_Several Hours Later_

"Okay, if you have a King, I'll know you're cheating." Larxene informs her cellmate as she glares at her hand of poker cards.

The guy chuckles and winks at her as he puts down a Royal Flush.

"Looks like I'm cheatin', sweetie." He says with a smirk as he grabs the candy bar Larxene had bet and takes a slow and triumphant bite out of it.

"That's it, Steve! I won't let you get away with that again!" Larxene hisses as electricity starts sparking in her hand of small daggers but just then, the guards came in.

"Larxene? Marluxia?" The guard snaps angrily, looking annoying.

"Yes?" Both ask in unison but their questions are quickly answered when Xemnas and Xion appear behind the guard.

"Hi hi Larxy! Hi hi Marly! Did you bring me a present?" Xion asks in curiosity as she peers into the barred cells.

"Thank all that is holy! Xemnas!" Marluxia says in relief as the guard unlocks his door and he quickly scrambles out of the cell happily.

"See ya kid… that was fun." Steve says as Larxene walks out of the cage.

"Bye… If you're ever in the Dark City area, gimme a call, Steve! We'll have some fun." Larxene says as she marches dignifiedly to Xemnas as if she didn't really care.

Xemnas stares at them and at their ripped clothes.

"What on earth happened?" He asks as Marluxia glares up at him with a bruise on his face.

"… You should see the other guys!" Larxene chuckles, wiping one crimson Foudre knife on her torn shirt with a sadistic smile.

"Dude, you got one sick little sister." Steve comments to Xemnas from the jail cell, smiling at Larxene in total respect.

"You two are _dead _when you get home. You hear me? D-E-D." Xemnas whispers as he snaps a Corridor of Darkness open and shoves the two into it.

"Bye bye Mister! Say hi to Frank and Phil for me!" Xion calls out to Steve, waving wildly as Xemnas grabs her and pulls her into the Corridor, too.

"Xemnas, I think you spell "dead" with an A." Marluxia's voice is heard saying as the Corridor closes.

Steve watches this in amusement as he says:

"Now that's the kind of kid I want. One that kicks total ass!"


	35. Trip To The Grocery Store

**Okay, before you guys start reading...**

**I apologize for not updating this as often as I should have.**

**I've been busy with stuff and well, my writing's the thing that suffered because of it.**

**Anyway, disclaimer time: Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy and Finding Nemo (spot the line guys) do not belong to me.**

**The only things that belong to me (kinda) are Larry and Zachary.**

**SO ENJOY!**

* * *

Lexaeus and Zexion had one mission: to get the groceries.

Zexion, since he was the smallest child (in size; Xion as the youngest was actually an inch taller than him) in the Organization, couldn't help but feel that Xemnas gave this somewhat "important" task to him as a pity mission.

"Are we there yet, Lexaeus?" Zexion asks as he flips through his lexicon as Lexaeus was driving the Gummi ship.

In the back, several of Zexion's Creeper Nobodies (or at least the ones that followed him around a lot) were bouncing each other off of the wall of the bridge. Each time one of them smacked the wall, the other one would burst out into a series of chirping noises that everyone assumed was laughter.

Lexaeus looked increasingly angry from the loud thudding noises but he shakes his head at Zexion's question.

Zexion sighs as he looks out into space, gazing out at the small specks of light that the ship kept passing.

He knew that each one of those specks of light was supposedly an entire world, or at least that's how it worked according to Xemnas and Vexen.

As he stares out the window and into the darkness, he realizes that one of those worlds must be his own home world, Radiant Gardens.

This was a rather solemn feeling for a six year to have and he contemplates the sudden sadness that he was fe-

_BAM!_

"You stupid Dusks! Can't you tell I'm feeling emo right now?" Zexion screams, undoing his seat belt to tackle the nearest Dusk. This sudden motion sends the Dusk into one of the Creepers and sending it into a furious rampage as it shifted into a shield and battered the other Creeper into the wall.

In a matter of a few seconds, all four Nobodies were in a full-out brawl.

Lexaeus can only watch as the childlike Zexion and the annoying Dusk slap each other across the face (or at least, where he thought that the Dusk's face was) and tackle each other to the ground.

After a few minutes, he grabs the nearest black object from the dog pile (which happened to be Zexion's hood) and yanks it up about six feet away from the ground, leaving the tiny six year old to be dangling helplessly from Lexaeus's powerful grasp.

"Put me down, you oversized son of a-" Zexion wails as Lexaeus shakes him a little and glares violently at the Dusks and Creepers, who immediately back down from the terrifying giant.

"Enough. You are all behaving like children. So stop fighting unless you seek my wrath, you infantile cowards!" Lexaeus snarls coldly as the lesser Nobodies start bowing and scraping at his feet, begging for forgiveness.

"… Lexaeus. I would like to ask you a question." Zexion asks calmly, completely used to his friend's reaction to truly be frightened of him.

Lexaeus grunts and nods at him to continue.

Zexion points to the steering wheel of the Gummi Ship, which was spinning wildly by itself, and asks:

"Just who on Earth is flying the ship?"

* * *

"…. Hey, there's a shooting star, mama!" A young child on the streets near the Grocery Store proclaims loudly to his mother, pointing up to a small speck that was hurtling towards the small town that has no name.

"Yes, dear, that's nice." His mother says calmly as she carefully examines a piece of fruit from a vendor's cart that she was hoping to buy for supper later that evening.

"… It sure is goin' super fast, mama!" The little boy proclaims again, staring in shock at the "star" which was spinning wildly and seemed to be coming closer and closer by the minute.

"Uh huh, that's nice. You keep an eye on it for me, okay, honey?" The mother says, not really paying attention to her son as he starts jumping around and shouting.

"MAMA! It's falling!" He shrieks as a sudden jarring crashing noise erupts throughout the street as the Gummi ship slams into the ground, immediately ejecting four or so small shapes and sending them flying into a wall.

"WOW! There were peoples inside the star, mama!" The little boy shouts in amazement as the entire town runs out to see just what had happened.

* * *

"… Surely you must've known that this was going to happen." Zexion says in amusement as Lexaeus sits up, apparently completely uninjured.

True to his nature, Lexaeus says nothing but instead releases his tight grip on his friend's body and allows the little boy to get up and stretch.

"Honestly, you have amazing paternal instincts, Lexaeus. You shall be a good father one day. Remind me to get you a girlfriend." Zexion informs him in a somewhat proud voice as he pats his friend gently on the head.

From the sour look that he receives, Zexion thought it best to simply shut up.

"Let's go already." Lexaeus rumbles quietly, standing up and brushing off the concrete dust off of his long jacket carefully.

"Alright then. May I please have the list, my friend?" Zexion asks politely and Lexaeus hands him a very battered, folded piece of paper.

"Let's see…

'Milk, eggs, butter, … bullets, electrical plugs, pickles, Pop Tarts, Toaster Strudel, ice cream (chocolate AND sea salt), steak, ribs, bacon…' goodness, Saïx eats a lot of meat… 'peanut butter, jelly… Pocky, jalapeños, curry, hot sauce, … a new teddy bear, color pencils and a sketchpad.' Some of these items do not sound like they belong on a grocery list…" Zexion muses as Lexaeus carries him on his shoulder to the store. They were closely followed by the Lesser Nobodies, who even after being scolded, were fighting furiously amongst themselves.

* * *

As the group walked into the store, they got more than a few startled stares as Lexaeus grabs one of the many convenient shopping carts and drops Zexion into the children's seat and the Dusks and Creepers into the basket part of the cart.. Zexion, naturally, was not very pleased with this arrangement.

"Don't you _DARE _comment on this, V. I am not so small as to need to be seated in such a preposterous and ludicrous place! I can walk perfectly well!" Zexion snaps angrily, pouting in such a way that several mothers nearby immediately commented on how cute the little guy was.

"… You might get lost." Lexaeus informs him to which the tiny Nobody rolled his eyes.

"_I might get lost? __You _are the one with a poor sense of direction! You may be no fool but you should not treat me like an infantile ch- OOOH! Lookie! There's books!" Zexion squeals, momentarily letting his inner child out as he waves excitedly over at the books.

Lexaeus chuckles at this and quickly picks one of them up and hands it to his little friend, who immediately started reading it.

* * *

After a few minutes of wandering the store and finding items, the little group quickly finds themselves at the register (which happened to be located right next to the seafood section).

"Did you get everything?" Zexion asks curiously to Lexaeus who hands him a checked off list, showing that everything was in the cart.

As Lexaeus starts shoving everything onto the conveyer belt that would ultimately lead it to be scanned and charged, Zexion was looking idly over at the seafood section when he had suddenly spotted one of his Creepers dancing around in the huge lobster tank.

"Oh son of a-! Wait here!" Zexion tells Lexaeus as he wiggles out of the child seat of the cart and runs over to get it.

"You silly little thing… stop hugging that crustacean and come with me! Please? Pretty please with a Nobody on top?" Zexion begs the Creeper, who was holding one of the lobsters in its arms (or at least, what Zexion thought its arms were), and looked like it was about to cry.

'_Pwease master? He'll be'z lonely without me'z…' _it says in a baby voice, sounding completely heartbroken at having to leave its new friend behind.

"No, Zachary! Leave it!" Zexion commands angrily but Zachary just holds up the lobster, pleading.

'_Pwease master? Pwetty pwease with a Nobodies on top? Look how cute he is!' _it says pleadingly as he holds up the spiny creature and places it into its master's arms.

Amazingly, a strange thing happened then; Zexion actually started to feel bad for the creature and felt horrible for its eventual fate as someone's dinner.

"Um, young man? Could you please give me that lobster? I need to put it back in its tank…" A cashier tells the spellbound duo as he very carefully reaches for the lobster.

In the blink of an eye, the cashier was screaming in fear as a giant spider (actually the Creeper disguised with an illusion) hisses violently at him. Immediately, the entire store's thrown into a state of panic as the little boy and "spider" glare at the other shoppers and employees, daring them to take the crustacean from them.

Only one person, which naturally was Lexaeus, was not afraid. He walks right up to Zexion and smacks both him and the "spider" on the head with his Skysplitter.

"OW!" They both wail in unison, looking up at the solemn faced teenager. In silence, Zachary the Creeper and Zexion hold up the lobster. It was with identical adorable pleading looks and voices that they say:

"Please, please, please?"

* * *

**The Castle That Never Was**

"… Explain to me why he has a lobster again." Xemnas demands quietly to Lexaeus who was standing in his office.

From the embarrassed look on his face, Lexaeus had obviously lost the battle between he and the two Nobodies.

"Um… He… bought it. From… the grocery store." Lexaeus mumbles quietly as Zexion, Zachary and for some reason, Zexiju (Zexion's cat) troop by in the hallway, with Zexion carrying a fish tank and a pail of salt water in a small wagon.

"I shall call him Larry and he shall be mine and he shall be my Larry." Zexion says to Zachary and the kitten as they walk past the office.

Xemnas raises an eyebrow and glares at Lexaeus.

"You're off the hook! Just cause that was adorable as hell!" Xemnas snarls, pointing to the door, telling Lexaeus that he was dismissed.

* * *

**Alright, so we have Zexion's and Lexaeus' mission down.**

**Which means... since Haru didn't go to Halloween Town, we're done with the missions!**

**Hurray!**

**Anyway, that means we'll be looking at what the Destiny Island kiddos have been up to.**

**... Unless you guys WANT to see what Haru's mission would have been like?**

**Either way, you guys vote on your choice and I'll get on it!**


	36. Vexen's Laboratory

**Aw, Haru gets no love.**

**Cause not a lot of people wanted to read his mission.**

**Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy and Disney do not belong to me. … Not unless I do a global takeover of these companies, which is very unlikely considering I only have like, a dime to my name.**

**And I need that dime for… insurance purposes? Whatever.**

**God, I hate this chapter.**

**Fuck you, Sora.**

**Fuck you, Kairi.**

**Fuck you, Riku, you may go to hell and rot for a couple months…**

**And fuck you Haru, for not being able to do your Halloween Town Mission.**

**You poor little Replicated bastard, you!**

**AND FUCK YOU FOR BEING A MORON, ME!**

**Ah… And I made Sora act like a moron this time around.**

**Why? Cause I think he was a doofus when he was little.**

**Sorry, I'll start the chapter now.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Castle That Never Was**

As the three little children run through the empty halls, each one of them had a determined expression on their faces, each one ready to do whatever it took to get their unofficial mission completed.

All except for the brunet.

"Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah Spiderman! Spiderman!" Sora sings happily as he does a quick dodge roll to avoid a large white vase. Instead, he accidentally smacks into it, knocking it against the wall and effectively breaking it in half. Between the strangely loud noise and the startled yelp from Sora was enough to make Kairi jump and start crying instinctively.

Riku gives him a dirty look as if to reprimand the five year old that was Sora. Sora begins to whimper and tears up, already feeling bad.

"Stop crying, you two! We're practically grown ups, you know!" Riku snarls, holding his head up proudly as he glares at the two crying kids in front of him.

"B-But we're like five now! We can't help it!" Kairi sobs, rubbing at her eyes helplessly.

"… Let's get to the lab already." Riku snaps angrily, sighing at how his best friends had so easily been transformed into their five year old selves' personas.

"Me first, me first!" Sora squeals, running in before the others.

"Aren't you going to follow him, Riku?" Kairi sniffles as she watches Sora quickly vanish into the lab.

"Nah. He's the decoy." Riku says with a slightly evil grin as he carefully starts keeping watch for anyone that wanted to enter the lab.

* * *

**Laboratory 2: Basement of the Castle That Never Was**

"Yes…. Yes…. Excellent!" Vexen cackles in delight as he observes the spinning yellow light of the machine eagerly. He watches the machine even closely, a maniac grin appearing on his face.

"]What does popcorn have to with getting us back to normal, Dad?" Haru asks curiously as he pours a cup of juice for his creator.

"… Uh… I am hungry. Popcorn is delicious. Does there need to be more reason!" Vexen snarls in a psychotic laugh, clapping his hands eagerly.

"… Note to self. Air out lab later. Dad's getting crazy… _crazier _off of fumes." Haru murmurs quietly to himself, scribbling down the reminder on a pad of paper in red crayon.

Sora peeks out from between the duo, looking up curiously at what Vexen was staring at and cackling at, and what Haru was drawing.

"Whatcha doing?" He asks in a very sweet voice, trying to see what kind of popcorn Vexen had in his microwave.

"Sora, shut up!" The two "scientists" snap in unison before they both suddenly realize that one of the most destructive, extremely hyper and slightly insane people that they knew… was standing right next to them, with his trademark grin on his face.

"Hi!" Sora says cheerfully as he grabs the edge of one of the lab tables, hoists himself up onto it and immediately knocks over a potion bottle by mistake. The green liquid spills, spraying itself all over the floor and table.

"Haru, Sora, do not touch that! It is my experimental formula!" Vexen shrieks in horror as Sora sits down on the table and starts looking at the spilled potion curiously. He very lightly touches it and starts doodling in the liquid as if it was finger paint. Haru on the other had, immediately backs away from the spill as if it was radioactive. Which, knowing Vexen, could easily be possible.

"Hey, look, I can make a picture!" Sora squeals in delight as he begins to doodle with the potion. Vexen sighs in relief, wiping his brow as he watches Sora play in the formula. He doesn't bother to go get him.

"Well… at least it's not the rocket fuel. It is only the experimental energy potion." He says gratefully, shrugging as Sora's body slowly starts to literally vibrate with newfound energy.

"Uh, why were you making an energy drink?" Haru asks in confusion. This didn't seem like the normal "mad scientist" potion that Vexen usually made.

"Because Gatorade and Red Bull are so expensive! Damn those delicious, costly beverages!" Vexen snarls angrily, tapping his nails against the table in, what seemed to him anyway, a righteous rage. Haru rolls his eyes, feeling slightly ashamed to be the creation of such a… well, the nice word for it was "lunatic".

"So how's the taste?" Haru asks next, ignoring the glares he was getting from Vexen. Because who knew was going on in the strange scientist's mind at the moment? Besides thoughts of Gatorade.

"… It tastes like sewer water." Vexen admits after a few minutes, blushing slightly as Sora begins to suck his thumb, only to spit out said digit in disgust as he looks up at Vexen, as if the scientist had betrayed him. He whimpers, putting out his lip in a hurt pout, looking like he was about five seconds from crying.

"No, do not cry, Sora! I command you as number four in the Organization!" Vexen shrieks in a panic as Sora stares at him and bursts into hysterical tears, absolutely terrified of the maniac look in Vexen's eyes. Also known as the insane-o eyes by a certain Authoress.

Haru, as Sora and Vexen start shouting (or in Sora's case, wailing uncontrollably), rummages around in his pocket and pulls out an unwrapped lollipop. He very quietly rips off the cellophane and jams the cherry candy into Sora's open mouth. In an instant, Sora starts giggling happily, humming to himself as he begins to enjoy his candy treat.

"… Amazing… how did you know that would work?" Vexen asks curiously, scribbling down a few notes on a clipboard.

Haru shrugs.

"Xion does the same thing sometimes. I found out that cherry or watermelon lollipops work the best." He admits, looking slightly proud of himself for knowing such a weird detail about Sora and Xion.

"Fascinating…" Vexen murmurs to himself, watching Sora carefully.

"By the way… how do you know what sewer water tastes like?" Haru asks curiously. Vexen gives him a solemn look before saying:

"Do not ask what I do on Friday nights, Haru. Hmm. Since Sora is here… would the wittle Keyblade Master like another candy-wandy?" Vexen asks in a baby voice, ignoring the shudders of horror coming from Haru. Sora, too distracted by his lollipop, nods eagerly.

"Yes please." He says politely, holding out his hand out to Vexen to lead him to his candy. Vexen takes it, picks up Sora and carries him over to a large machine.

"Now, Sora… this candy's very special. You have to eat all of it. What flavor do you want?" Vexen asks in a strangely nice voice, smiling down at Sora who was staring at the machine in awe.

"You're like Willy Wonka… except evil. Can I have grape? No, cherry! No, watermelon! No, green apple!" Sora says in an awed voice, trying to decide which candy he wanted the most.

"Thank you, Sora. … Grape it is." Vexen says, pouring in a small amount of purple liquid into the machine, pulling a lever and quickly running to a safe distance. He puts Sora on the ground next to him, pulls Haru behind him and pulls out a giant riot shield, placing the heavy duty plastic weapon out in front of him.

As the machine begins to shake violently and many colored lights on it start to flash erratically, Vexen hums quietly to himself, checking his watch as the machine suddenly dings loudly. It immediately stops moving and a small drawer pops out of it, holding a small purple disc.

"CANDY!" Sora squeals happily as he runs out for it.

"I didn't know we had a candy machine, Dad." Haru says in surprise, rubbing his eyes and coughing at the dust that the machine had produced. Vexen smiles evilly.

"We don't." Vexen admits as Sora grabs the "candy" and jams it into his mouth.

"SORA DON'T EAT IT!" Riku and Kairi scream as they run towards their friends, having heard what Vexen had said. Sora turns around, confused and as Riku tackles him to the ground in an attempt to get him to spit out the "candy", he accidentally swallows it.

"… Vexen, you got five seconds to tell me what that was before I knock your head off, you big meanie!" Riku snarls angrily, pulling out a wooden sword as if to beat Vexen to death with it.

Vexen shrugs.

"It was an experimental formula to attempt to reverse the spell Number XIV placed on us. Within a few moments, we shall see if it was successful." He says, pulling out a clipboard, ready to take notes.

"Sora, you okay?" Kairi was saying, patting the coughing brunet soothingly.

"I feel kinda funny…" Sora admits, coughing even harder. He starts to look as if he was about to throw up. He clutches his stomach in pain, turning pale.

"Uh oh. Oh dear. We are in trouble. Do not throw up on my floor, Sora. Go behind the curtain." Vexen says as he quickly leads Sora out of the lab and into a small room, closing the curtain behind him.

Haru quickly runs into the room, carrying a small bucket for Sora.

Within a few minutes, the sound of someone… well, Sora, puking his guts out comes from behind the curtain.

"… Is he gonna be okay?" Kairi asks in a worried voice, staring at the curtain and whimpering at the disgusting noises coming from behind it.

"He better be okay! I promised his mom nothin' would happen to 'im!" Riku snaps angrily, folding his arms against the puppy design on his yellow t-shirt.

"He'll be fine. He just…. I AM A GENIUS!" Vexen shrieks in joy as the curtain lifts and a very pale Haru comes out of it, followed by an extremely embarrassed looking Sora.

"Um… Can I please have some clothes?" Sora, now back to his fifteen year old self, asks politely, blushing as he uses the curtain to cover himself up.

Vexen... somehow... had found an antidote.

* * *

**Dum dum dum!**

**Vexen actually managed to do something right for once!**

**So does this mean that this fic's gonna end soon?**

**Maybe.**

**I still need to figure out stuff out for this.**

**So I hope you've enjoyed this!**


	37. Sora's New Job

**Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy and Disney do not belong to me. … Not unless I do a global takeover of these companies, which is very unlikely.**

… **unless someone wants to give me an early birthday present? I'll be good!**

**Ha, as if.**

**Anyway, please enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

**Castle That Never Was: Kitchen**

As Mrs. Minami carefully assembles the ingredients for that night's dinner, Xion, Saix, and Namine "supervise" the process. Which, in other words, meant Namine was helping find things and Xion was doodling weird maps that could easily be confused for the real versions. Saix was just watching and giving out "helpful" hints.

"Hmm…. How about salad tonight?" Mrs. Minami questions.

"Um, I don't think that the little kids like vegetables." Namine says with a slightly concerned smile. She was already imagining the massive food fight that would end up happening if someone like Larxene, Axel, or Marluxia were forced to eat carrots or something. But then again, Marluxia liked plants. Maybe he would eat them?

Just as they're pondering this more or less interesting conundrum, Riku suddenly appears and tackles Mrs. Minami's legs, seemingly unable to speak due to the massive sobs racking his little six year old body.

"Riku? What's wrong?" Mrs. Minami asks in confusion, crouching down to give the little boy a hug. He sniffles miserably and buries his head in her shoulder, still crying too much to be of any use.

After a few minutes, he finally says: "IT'S NOT FAIR!" and continues sobbing his heart out.

"… what's not fair?" Namine and Mrs. Minami ask in unison when they suddenly hear Kairi's hysterical giggling from the hallway.

"You're a good horse, Sora!"

"… Thanks, Kairi…." Sora mutters darkly to himself as he walks into the kitchen, being very careful to duck slightly so Kairi's head wouldn't hit the doorway. She smiles proudly at her Nobody and at Sora's mom, waving cheerfully from Sora's shoulders.

Riku sniffles again, rubs at his watering eyes and says: "I wanna ride, too!" in a heartbroken voice.

"And I said that you're not going to ride, Riku! You're too big for this! … Besides, only Kairi gets to ride me. So there." Sora says in a smug voice. Just then, Mrs. Minami drops her frying pan and lets out an excited scream, immediately running over to her son and grabbing him in a tight bear hug.

"Oh my sweet little baby! You're okay, honey pumpkin!"

"MOM!" Sora shouts in embarrassment, flushing bright red when Saix, Xion, and Riku start laughing hysterically. He flashes them all furious glares but this only made the trio laugh even harder. Even Kairi couldn't help but to giggle.

"Sora… how'd you turn back?" Namine asks curiously, quickly going over to pull Kairi off of his shoulders and put her on the floor carefully.

"I don't know. Vexen did something. But he can't do it again for a long time… he says he needs more ingredients and that I have to help him get them. And apparently, I'm a horse now." Sora shrugs, being perfectly honest as he nods towards Kairi. She smiles up at him and nods.

"You're a good horse, Sowa." She admits in a very polite voice.

"Can I ride, too, Daddy!" Xion shrieks from the counter, hopping up and down eagerly as she reaches towards Sora.

"If Xion gets to, I get to, too!" Riku snarls angrily, stamping his sandal clad foot on the tiled floor.

"NO! Why does everyone want to ride me? Why don't you ask Namine for a piggy back ride instead of me?" Sora demands angrily.

In near perfect unison, all the little kids tell him: "Cause you're a boy!"

"That means you're our slave, Sora." Riku adds with an innocent smile. The other kids nod and giggle in agreement as the teenager sighs, utterly defeated by this logic.

"You guys are sexists." Sora snaps, shaking his head in mild amusement.

Xion glares at him.

"Well, YOU'RE a pedophile!" She shouts angrily, stabbing an accusing finger at him. When the entire kitchen turns to look at her in confusion, she bites her thumb and asks: "What's a pedophile?"

"… Moving on…. Sora, could you help me take of the kids? Please?" Namine asks in a soft voice, placing her hands together in a gesture similar to praying as she pleads with him. A faint blush appears on Sora's cheeks as he nods eagerly. Both Xion and Kairi glare angrily at him.

"If you cheat on Mommy, I'll kick your butt." Xion says defensively.

"NAMI! I'm back and I got beat up by an octopus and Luxord hit his hea-…. There's a big boy here, Sophie!" Demyx says in amazement as he and a half-unconscious Luxord being dragged by a Dancer Nobody come into the kitchen. Demyx stares at Sora for a moment or two before hiding behind the Dancer.

"Hi Demyx! Hi Luxord! Did you like my picture?" Xion asks curiously as she hops down from the counter and walks over to them. Both boys glare at her violently, no doubt wanting to kick her for making them swim all over Atlantica.

"NAMINE! A big Heartless was mean to me and- … Sora's a big boy!" Roxas shrieks in surprise as he and Axel come in from their mission.

"HEY! That's not fair! I wanna be big, too! Cause then I can flirt with Namine!" Axel says angrily, stamping his foot in a pout. Both Xion and Roxas glare at him.

"… I mean, yay, Sora's big now. When's my turn?" He amends sheepishly, smiling innocently at Namine and winking at her. Roxas immediately runs over to her and gives her legs a protective hug. It was probably very obvious that the little blonde was screaming "Mine, all mine!" in his head.

"Well, um… I think we're going to have to wait for the potions for you guys. He barely had enough for one. And besides, we're waiting to see what the side effects are." Sora says as he bends down and picks up Xion, hugging the little girl close to his chest. Xion squeals in joy and snuggles into Sora, obviously feeling happy at being hugged.

"… Now how the fuck is that fair?" Larxene demands with a furious yell as soon as she spots Sora. Marluxia and the trio of Dusks who had accompanied them on their mission immediately grab her arms, attempting to hold back the furious girl as she tries to attack the older brunet.

"I see that all of you have returned." Xemnas says coldly, suddenly appearing behind Sora. Sora immediately yelps in surprise, nearly dropping Xion in his effort to get away from the Superior.

"…. Hi Superior!" All the little kids immediately chime innocently, smiling up at him sweetly.

"Sora, you're in charge along with Namine and Lexaeus when he and No VI come back. The older members are going to be helping Vexen gather the ingredients for the antidote. If you feel sick, tell us immediately. … Use Xigbar's cell phone." Xemnas commands, throwing Sora a small silver phone. He barely manages to catch it before Xemnas suddenly vanishes into a Corridor of Darkness.

"… Son of a Mickey." Sora curses violently, laughing as the little kids turn to him and smile diabolically.

"Oh, this is gonna be fun." Axel says as he summons up a pair of small chakrams.

Sora immediately starts running.

* * *

**Okay, so Sora's in charge of babysitting this time around.**

**And no, no OC's are going to be used this time.**

**Yes, this chapter is a bit of filler.**

**The next one is going to be Sora trying to be a good babysitter.**

**And a little more fun with Roxas, Xion and Namine.**

**So til next time, guys!**


	38. Babysitting Woes And War

**Alright, who missed me?**

…**. Okay, I'll shut up now.**

**Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy and Disney do not belong to me. Cause one, I'm not a millionaire/billionaire, two, I'm MEXICAN-AMERICAN, not Japanese, and three…. Well, I'm a teenage girl and I have no resources.**

**Anyway, back to the fic.**

**I'm trying to get back to writing more frequently and well, this one's one of the best ones I have open right now. Since DADI and DATC (if you don't know what these are, look at my profile to save me the typing) are kinda… ugh, right now, this one must do!**

**ENJOY! **

**A little note before you start reading, my faithful readers and whatever newbies may be here today: Watch two certain cutscenes from Re: Chain of Memories. Seriously. It explains what I'm talking about. Look at Lexaeus before he fights Riku (If there's one where he flings up on the ceiling, that's it) and Zexion's fight scene (yipes).**

**By the way.**

**Poison dumpling is a joke from the KH2 manga. Just saying. I freakin' love Merlin.**

* * *

**Castle That Never Was**

"Run, run, run, run, run!" Sora shrieks as he skids into Xemnas's room, slamming the door shut when his small group of kids (and Naminé) slide into the room. He presses his shoulder and braces the door as the kids with him scream in shock as loud hammering noises, presumably from little fists and feet, rattle the door violently. Even when the door starts heating up, Sora keeps bracing himself against it until he distinctly hears the sound of the other members of the now younger Organization leave.

He lets out a sigh of mild relief, before turning to the six kids (and Naminé) who had decided to stick with him in what was probably going to end up being a small war between the two factions.

Xion smiles cheerfully at him, waving from the bed as Naminé sits her down next to Roxas who was almost asleep. He looked like he was exhausted from his earlier mission, and would probably be little to no use at all. Demyx was hiding himself underneath the bed, trembling enough to shake the entire king-sized piece of furniture. Luxord was shuffling through a deck of what looked like trading cards, obviously not caring what happened as long as he got to keep his cards. Riku was crouching protectively in front of Kairi, clutching his wooden sword defensively as if he was waiting for someone to break into the room. Kairi on the other hand, was humming softly to herself, looking over at Sora curiously.

He sighs. Out of the fourteen members of the Organization (not including Riku), he had gotten the most pathetic in the bunch, and the most useless. The only exceptions were maybe Roxas and Xion, but considering that Axel was in the other group, those two would be no help at all. Loyalty was a double-edged sword, it seemed.

"This sucks!" Demyx says bluntly, scowling up miserably at Sora from his hiding spot underneath the bed. Tears immediately flood his eyes, making the little sandy blonde whimper and sniffle sadly.

"Well, it's not my fault that I got the first antidote! I mean, I'd switch to be little again! The side effects aren't exactly all that awesome, you know!" Sora snaps angrily, looking back at the door in anticipation.

For a moment, the little kids stare at him, each wondering just what the side effects of the antidote could be. Then after that single moment had passed, they all shiver violently, expecting the worse of the worse from Vexen's experiments.

Solemnly, Sora crouches down to peer into the small keyhole of the door, inspecting it quietly before backing away from it, holding his hand out to his side. In a blinding flash of light that actually made Xion tumble off of her perch on the bed from its intensity, Sora summons up the intricately delicate Keyblade known as Ultima, the most powerful Keyblade (with the possible exception of the Fenrir and the Fatal Crest Keyblades) Sora had ever owned.

Xion and Roxas - who apparently had woken up - stare at it in a mixed combination of awe and jealousy. Riku winces at the sight of it, obviously remembering several sparring matches where said weapon left his skin mottled with dark bruises and several very embarrassing heart-shaped scratches. Kairi hums to herself, not giving a single thought to the powerful weapon while Naminé seems to stare at it, her long slender fingers twitching with the urge to sketch out the amazingly pretty weapon on a pad of paper.

"I'm gonna lock the door now, okay? Everyone, stand back." The young Keyblade Master commands quietly as he raises the golden key up to the lock.

Riku mutters quietly to himself: "We're all standing back anyway though…"

"Riku, shut up or I'm gonna throw this at you and leave you stuck up on the wall." Sora threatens calmly, giving his so-called best friend a nasty glare. Riku flinches and looks away, muttering dark curses under his breath as Sora readies himself to tap the lock on the door, effectively sealing it against the other members on the opposite team.

"Hello? Who's in there? Open this door this instant!" An annoyed voice demands loudly, making Sora jump back in surprise, very nearly stepping on Luxord and tumbling over Naminé's outstretched legs from her seat on the floor, landing squarely on his ass with a loud thud.

"Lexaeus… someone closed the door. But Larxene said they were in here… Hello? Sora? Roxas? Naminé? … Xion?" The voice asks this last name cautiously even as the other kids in the room struggle to hold down the two year old, who went nuts at the sound of her name. The moment that Sora attempts to clamp his hand onto her mouth, she cries out:

"HI ZEXY!_**I'M **_IN HERE!"

Every single occupant in the room freezes in fear of what the Cloaked Schemer - Along with the Silent Hero, who was probably standing right beside Zexion - was about to do to them. Sora, naturally, was shaking like a leaf at the idea of facing Zexion's illusions. Riku had had some nasty stories to tell from his time in the darkness, and the one about fighting number VI of the Organization was among the worst. And the ones about fighting Lexaeus were even worse, since according to Riku, King Mickey had to play chiropractor with two dislocated discs in his back and one popped out arm socket just for the Twilight Warrior to even be able to lift his hand above his waist. Almost everyone in the room was looking at Riku, even as the tiny boy shakes violently, clutching his left arm in what looked like pain as his eyes remained fixated on the door. He looked like he was ready to pass out.

Sora keeps a tight grip on Ultima, ready to charge at the door and whoop some little hobbit and giant… well, he wasn't exactly allowed to say that word but he was ready to beat them up if necessary. After all, in the war that was sure to follow between the Keyblade master's lackeys (otherwise known as the kids in the room with Sora) and the Organization members, who knew what side those two were on.

"Oh thank goodness. I thought for a moment that maybe the Superior was in there… Xion, who else is in there with you?" Zexion's voice questions curiously as Kairi and Naminé shakes their heads at Xion, trying to tell her not to say anything more. Xion looks at her pseudo-mothers curiously for a moment before looking up at Sora in bewilderment, scrunching her face up into a confused expression before stating calmly:

"Daddy's in here with me, Zexy!"

Nearly everyone in the room groans as Xion looks around in confusion, wondering what she had said in order to get everyone so upset. Tears form in her blue eyes as she whimpers pitifully, her tiny two year old body shaking uncontrollably in confusion.

"… Sora, huh. Sora, am I correct in assuming that Riku and Kairi are in there with you? Of course they are. Which means Naminé's in there as well. Which means Roxas, too. And since Roxas is in there, Xion's obviously in there…. What about Demyx or Luxord?" Zexion questions next.

Sora stares in amazement, wondering just how Zexion had managed to deduce who was in there with only knowing that Xion was definitely in there. And he says so to Zexion.

"Oh… well, that's easy enough. Everyone else in the Castle is in the kitchens, tearing up the place. So I figured the rest of you might be together, hiding somewhere in the Castle. And my hypothesis _**was **_correct, you see." Zexion says smugly, causing Riku to give the door a nasty glare. He hated smart asses. "Anyway, I would implore you to get out of there. I believe that if Larxene OR Axel manage to get themselves into Vexen's second laboratory, we may have to grow up naturally… and Sora, you might have to keep those hives for a few months."

Sora makes a horrified face and nods at the door before realizing that Zexion couldn't see him and getting up to open it. The moment that he does, Zexion (and Lexaeus) walk in and take their seats on Xemnas's giant bed, Lexaeus almost immediately being used as a makeshift bed for Xion and Roxas. With everyone settled and Lexaeus being used as a form of entertainment ("Wear flowery hat, Lexy! Pwease? Xi Xi wants you to!"), Sora looks around and smiles.

"Alright, looks like we're one side of the war. Anyone got any ideas to take down the other members? … Riku, if you say bring the babysitters back, I'll punt you across the room." Riku puts his hand down, shaking his head in annoyance.

Zexion says calmly: "Why not infiltrate them and destroy them from the inside? But it has to be someone they won't suspect at all."

"Hmmm. We could give someone a poisoned dumpling… but no, that's not a funny joke. Anyway, we'd need someone to act as a spy… or like a bomb." Sora muses, shrugging.

At this point, Xion sneezes violently, making everyone jump. Almost immediately, almost identical grins appear on everyone's faces as they look at the sniffling little girl who was rubbing her dark blue eyes.

"Why is everyone lookin' at me funny, Daddy?" She asks, looking very confused but also adorable. Sora gives Zexion a smirk, obviously very pleased. Zexion nods, agreeing with him, and places his hand on Xion's head gently.

"I think we found our bomb!" They declare in unison.

Xion gives them a weird look, shouting "Are you two crazy?"


End file.
